Strong Enough For A Woman, But Made For A Man.

Day 2 of 365 - Can't Shake The Feeling

2010-01-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

Another resolution for 2010 is I need to appreciate all that is going right in my life and stop dwelling on things that are not within my control to change.

I had lunch with friends today and we talked about making the choice to focus on the positive and how easy it is to accept things that are negative. All I could think about during this conversation was how unhappy my love life or lack thereof has been. Silly. That I couldn't even shake the feeling while we were talking about it. But I've been single for a quite a while and I don't want to be. Why do we always want what we don't or can't have?

Day 1 of 365 - Ouch!

2010-01-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

This is apparently how my friend Maggie says "Happy New Year" I know it's blurry, but that exactly fit how drunk we were at this point.

Happy 2010! My resolutions: lose weight, get in shape, pay off credit cards, pursue a new boyfriend, & don't hold back how I feel so much

Artists That Have My Attention

2009-05-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

I am loyal to artists and their full length CD's/Albums/records. Yes I do have an MP3 player but most of it is full of the same artists. These artists are in heavy rotation for 2009. The video may not be on the album I list.

Andrew Bird - Noble Beast

Butch Walker - Sycamore Meadows

Cage The Elephant - Cage The Elephant

and CTE again,

William Elliott Whitmore - Animals in the Dark

The Gay Blades - Ghosts

The Faint - Fasciination

Countdown to Deletion

2009-05-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

In a few days I will transfer my blog archive. Then I am deleting this Myspace account.

If you want to continue reading/cyberstalking me, my blog site is Dusty All Day Long. And of course photos (old & new) will be posted on Flickr.

Follow my daily thoughts/events/mistakes on Facebook or Twitter. Also I promise to answer if you call or text me.

It's been fun but I want to spend less time online and Mypsace is expendable.

Gracias por leer. Merci pour lire. Vielen Dank für Lesen. Dank u voor het lezen. Ringraziarla per leggere. Obrigado para ler. Спасибо за чтение. Thanks for reading.

Auf Wiedersehen,

~Dust~

Day 20 - Mending America

2009-01-28T20:20:00.001-08:00

Day 20 - Mending America
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 20

FORMER PRESIDENT BUSH!

Former......

I like the sound of that.

Day 19 - Poe Tribute

2009-01-23T04:42:00.001-08:00

Day 19 - Poe Tribute
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 19

~The Tell Tale Heart~ by Edgar Allan Poe (January 19, 1809 – October 7, 1849)

TRUE! - nervous - very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses - not destroyed - not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily - how calmly I can tell you the whole story.

It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye! yes, it was this! He had the eye of a vulture - a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees - very gradually - I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever.

Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded - with what caution - with what foresight - with what dissimulation I went to work! I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. And every night, about midnight, I turned the latch of his door and opened it - oh so gently! And then, when I had made an opening sufficient for my head, I put in a dark lantern, all closed, closed, that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head. Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I thrust it in! I moved it slowly - very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as he lay upon his bed. Ha! would a madman have been so wise as this, And then, when my head was well in the room, I undid the lantern cautiously-oh, so cautiously - cautiously (for the hinges creaked) - I undid it just so much that a single thin ray fell upon the vulture eye. And this I did for seven long nights - every night just at midnight - but I found the eye always closed; and so it was impossible to do the work; for it was not the old man who vexed me, but his Evil Eye. And every morning, when the day broke, I went boldly into the chamber, and spoke courageously to him, calling him by name in a hearty tone, and inquiring how he has passed the night. So you see he would have been a very profound old man, indeed, to suspect that every night, just at twelve, I looked in upon him while he slept.

Upon the eighth night I was more than usually cautious in opening the door. A watch's minute hand moves more quickly than did mine. Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers - of my sagacity. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph. To think that there I was, opening the door, little by little, and he not even to dream of my secret deeds or thoughts. I fairly chuckled at the idea; and perhaps he heard me; for he moved on the bed suddenly, as if startled. Now you may think that I drew back - but no. His room was as black as pitch with the thick darkness, (for the shutters were close fastened, through fear of robbers,) and so I knew that he could not see the opening of the door, and I kept pushing it on steadily, steadily.

I had my head in, and was about to open the lantern, when my thumb slipped upon the tin fastening, and the old man sprang up in bed, crying out - "Who's there?"

I kept quite still and said nothing. For a whole hour I did not move a muscle, and in the meantime I did not hear him lie down. He was still sitting up in the bed listening; - just as I have done, night after night, hearkening to the death watches in the wall.

Presently I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror. It was not a groan of pain or of grief - oh, no! - it was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe. I knew the sound well. Many a night, just at midnight, when all the world slept, it has welled up from my own bosom, deepening, with its dreadful echo, the terrors that distracted me. I say I knew it well. I knew what the old man felt, and pitied him, although I chuckled at heart. I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise, when he had turned in the bed. His fears had been ever since growing upon him. He had been trying to fancy them causeless, but could not. He had been saying to himself - "It is nothing but the wind in the chimney - it is only a mouse crossing the floor," or "It is merely a cricket which has made a single chirp." Yes, he had been trying to comfort himself with these suppositions: but he had found all in vain. All in vain; because Death, in approaching him had stalked with his black shadow before him, and enveloped the victim. And it was the mournful influence of the unperceived shadow that caused him to feel - although he neither saw nor heard - to feel the presence of my head within the room.

When I had waited a long time, very patiently, without hearing him lie down, I resolved to open a little - a very, very little crevice in the lantern. So I opened it - you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily - until, at length a simple dim ray, like the thread of the spider, shot from out the crevice and fell full upon the vulture eye.

It was open - wide, wide open - and I grew furious as I gazed upon it. I saw it with perfect distinctness - all a dull blue, with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones; but I could see nothing else of the old man's face or person: for I had directed the ray as if by instinct, precisely upon the damned spot.

And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense? - now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too. It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage.

But even yet I refrained and kept still. I scarcely breathed. I held the lantern motionless. I tried how steadily I could maintain the ray upon the eye. Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased. It grew quicker and quicker, and louder and louder every instant. The old man's terror must have been extreme! It grew louder, I say, louder every moment! - do you mark me well I have told you that I am nervous: so I am. And now at the dead hour of the night, amid the dreadful silence of that old house, so strange a noise as this excited me to uncontrollable terror. Yet, for some minutes longer I refrained and stood still. But the beating grew louder, louder! I thought the heart must burst. And now a new anxiety seized me - the sound would be heard by a neighbour! The old man's hour had come! With a loud yell, I threw open the lantern and leaped into the room. He shrieked once - once only. In an instant I dragged him to the floor, and pulled the heavy bed over him. I then smiled gaily, to find the deed so far done. But, for many minutes, the heart beat on with a muffled sound. This, however, did not vex me; it would not be heard through the wall. At length it ceased. The old man was dead. I removed the bed and examined the corpse. Yes, he was stone, stone dead. I placed my hand upon the heart and held it there many minutes. There was no pulsation. He was stone dead. His eve would trouble me no more.

If still you think me mad, you will think so no longer when I describe the wise precautions I took for the concealment of the body. The night waned, and I worked hastily, but in silence. First of all I dismembered the corpse. I cut off the head and the arms and the legs.

I then took up three planks from the flooring of the chamber, and deposited all between the scantlings. I then replaced the boards so cleverly, so cunningly, that no human eye - not even his - could have detected any thing wrong. There was nothing to wash out - no stain of any kind - no blood-spot whatever. I had been too wary for that. A tub had caught all - ha! ha!

When I had made an end of these labors, it was four o'clock - still dark as midnight. As the bell sounded the hour, there came a knocking at the street door. I went down to open it with a light heart, - for what had I now to fear? There entered three men, who introduced themselves, with perfect suavity, as officers of the police. A shriek had been heard by a neighbour during the night; suspicion of foul play had been aroused; information had been lodged at the police office, and they (the officers) had been deputed to search the premises.

I smiled, - for what had I to fear? I bade the gentlemen welcome. The shriek, I said, was my own in a dream. The old man, I mentioned, was absent in the country. I took my visitors all over the house. I bade them search - search well. I led them, at length, to his chamber. I showed them his treasures, secure, undisturbed. In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim.

The officers were satisfied. My manner had convinced them. I was singularly at ease. They sat, and while I answered cheerily, they chatted of familiar things. But, ere long, I felt myself getting pale and wished them gone. My head ached, and I fancied a ringing in my ears: but still they sat and still chatted. The ringing became more distinct: - It continued and became more distinct: I talked more freely to get rid of the feeling: but it continued and gained definiteness - until, at length, I found that the noise was not within my ears.

No doubt I now grew very pale; - but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased - and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound - much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath - and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly - more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men - but the noise steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed - I raved - I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder - louder - louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! - no, no! They heard! - they suspected! - they knew! - they were making a mockery of my horror!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now - again! - hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! - tear up the planks! here, here! - It is the beating of his hideous heart!"

Day 18 - Click This

2009-01-20T21:00:00.001-08:00

Day 18 - Click This
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 18

I felt very anti-social most of the day. Somewhat rejected by my friends from the night before. I soon got over it when one of them asked me to go play pool. I can't stay mad or upset for very long. I'm not a grudge guy. Though I did spend so much time online that my mousing wrist was a little sore.

Day 17 - Don't Alter My Altar

2009-01-18T13:38:00.001-08:00

Day 17 - Don't Alter My Altar
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 17

I'm ready! We went out last night. First to our friend Tracy's surprise birthday party. We were late so we missed the big surprise but still hung out for a few hours and enjoyed ourselves. Then we took off to Rock Island Brewing Company aka RIBCO to see William Elliott Whitmore. He was great to see live. But there was a large and very noisy crowd there. He was nearing the end of his set when I turned to Julie and said " Let's go! I can't stand this crowd any more" There was a table of people behind us that kept yelling at the top of their lungs like they were at a rock concert or sporting event. Not appropriate for an intimate acoustic blues/bluegrass/country show. This is probably one of the many reasons why artists bypass doing shows in the Quad Cities. Maybe it's because the people here focus more on getting wasted than enjoying new music. So we missed the end of his set but I got to hear most of my favorites from his album Song Of The Blackbird. If you haven't heard of him, check him out here:

www.williamelliottwhitmore.com/

Day 16 - All These Things Into Position

2009-01-18T13:04:00.001-08:00

Day 16 - All These Things Into Position
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 16

I can feel death, can see it's beady eyes
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out again

Immerse your soul in love
Immerse your soul in love.

~From Radiohead's "Street Spirit (Fade Out)"

I spent most of this week only sleeping 3-4 hours per night. It caught up to me on Friday. I got home about 5:30 then slept from 6 until 11:30. Any other plans that may have happened went away due to my exhaustion.

Day 15 - Sometimes You Feel Like A Ninja

2009-01-17T01:10:00.001-08:00

Day 15 - Sometimes You Feel Like A Ninja
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 15

The midwest went into a deep freeze in the last couple of days. I had to wrap up this way just to go outside and not freeze to death. We set a record low overnight. It was -29F. Don't ask me what that is in Celsius. Wind chill factors were close to -50. It was actually warmer in Alaska. Luckily my landlady controls the heat in my building. It's usually a balmy 78F in my apartment. I rarely wear more than shorts and a t-shirt.

Day 14 - The Frayed Ends of Vanity

2009-01-17T01:09:00.001-08:00

Day 14 - The Frayed Ends of Vanity
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

"love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbor." ~ Dante's Inferno
2009 - 365 - 14

I've never considered Pride to be one of my major deadly sins. But while chatting with a high school friend, who now lives in Northern Italy, I'm not so sure. We both started talking about the lines and wrinkles we are finding each day. And I asked if her 10 year old daughter made her feel old. She said "no. but my 13 year old that's taller than me does." I said "i have laugh lines around my eyes" as if they aren't actually wrinkles. I felt my own vanity come to the surface and tried to pretend that aging doesn't terrify me to a certain degree.

Day 13 - Another Night, Another Dream

2009-01-17T01:08:00.001-08:00

Day 13 - Another Night, Another Dream
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

Another late night. I grabbed my cell phone camera before bed. I was talking to a married guy for quite a long time online tonight. He was very different than the stereotype of a married man on the DL. He talked about how great his married sex life was but that he wasn't satisfied being with only women. I almost felt sorry for the guy because he's built this trap around himself. Now I'm not preachy about how horrible for cheating blah blah blah. It happens, deal with it. But listening to him was kinda heartbreaking in a Brokeback Mountain kind of way. It made me very glad that I came out such a long time ago. I may not always be 100% happy with my life but that burden hasn't rested on my chest and I've been able to feel true joy occasionally.

Day 12 - Smaller Portions

2009-01-13T23:50:00.001-08:00

Day 12 - Smaller Portions
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 12

I've been grabbing the camera late at night, just before going to bed. I'm usually very sleepy-eyed. These were all taken january 12th just before I passed out. Check the links before for each individual photo.

Day 11 - Smirkinman '09

2009-01-13T23:49:00.001-08:00

Day 11 - Smirkinman '09
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 11

Day 10 - The Whole Famn Damily

2009-01-13T23:48:00.003-08:00

Day 10 - The Whole Famn Damily
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 10

This is me, VERY full of pasta. Dinner @ Olive Garden with my parents, grandparents, siblings, their wives/gf's and all the kids.

Missing from the shot but definitely present at dinner was, Brad Smith, Tyus Forbes, Shelby Francis, and Bill Francis.

Day 9 - Back To My Roots

2009-01-13T23:48:00.001-08:00

Day 9 - Back To My Roots
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 09

Hangin' with Grandma Shelby at my parents house. She just turned 70 last month. Still strong as can be.

Day 8 - No Time Like The Present

2009-01-13T23:46:00.001-08:00

Day 8 - No Time Like The Present
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 08

My "Carpe Diem" Homage

Day 7 - About to Pass Out

2009-01-13T23:45:00.001-08:00

Day 7 - About to Pass Out
Originally uploaded by Dusty Allen Smith

2009 - 365 - 07

Taken right before I almost passed out at my keyboard. I played volleyball then went to a bar with my team. We lost again. I'm sick of losing. I was in a terrible mood right after the game and didn't feel like being social. But I decided I might have more fun at volleyball if I get to know my new team a little better. So we hung out and drank beer, played darts and bounced coins into each other's drinks. Of course, I stayed out a bit too late and drank a bit too much.

Day 6 - When Jaw Blends Into Chin

2009-01-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

I shaved and lost my jawline. :-(

Day 5 - Dusty B. Demented

2009-01-05T23:27:00.001-08:00

Boredom turned this photo out. It kinda scares me a little. The title was borrowed from the John Waters movie Cecil B. Demented. The sad thing is, I've never seen it. I just thought I looked a little demented so that popped into my mind. I didn't even know it was a movie & character. I thought maybe it was a real person from the early days of hollywood. Perhaps a silent film star. Boy was I wrong. LOL.

Here are a few memorable one liners lifted from IMDB.

"Nobody here but us whackers."

"Power to the people who punish bad cinema!" (only a line John Waters would write)

"Demented Forever"

"Tell me about Mel Gibson's dick and balls!"

"Pain is pleasure! Slavery is freedom! Suicide for Satan!"

"Hi, I'm Raven, I'm a Satanist and I'll be doing your make-up."

"Family is just a dirty word for censorship."

When I edited the photo I was going for a graphic novel/ KMFDM cover art type feel. I've rediscovered KMFDM. I had friends back in the early 90's that absolutely loved them. Back then I was into the whole Seattle grunge rock thing. So industrial/horror/techno music w/graphic sexual content really wasn't my taste. Obviously things have changed. Now KMFDM is like light at the end the forgettable music tunnel. Give it a listen. Industrial music that didn't turn into total noise.

Day 4 - Newest Addition

2009-01-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

2009 - 365 - 04

Today, I checked out a house for sale near my brother and visited a new addition to our family, my niece Marley Jenay. She turned 1 month old today.

Day 3 - Gluttony

2009-01-03T19:01:00.000-08:00

2009 - 365 - 03

"Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost...."

I have become somewhat obsessed with the seven deadly sins. I've always been a big fan of the movie Se7en, starring Morgan Freeman & Brad Pitt. Then about a year ago I came across Dante's Inferno at a local bookstore. I'm not much of a reader/intellectual so tackling this classic Italian epic poem probably wasn't the best choice. But I bought it anyway. I was right. I didn't have the patience to sit, read, & comprehend it upon purchase. But after spotting these 7 deadly sins T-shirts at Macy's in Minneapolis this summer, my interest in learning more about the sins was renewed. With a Midwestern winter in full force, I have plenty of free time. So I've picked up the book again as a way to take a break from the online world where I spend WAY too many hours. Check back to see the other shirts and maybe even some drawings I find. I'm putting serious thought into incorporating the sins into a tattoo design. We'll see how that goes.

Day 2 - The Sun Sets On Bad Habits

2009-01-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

2009 - 365 - 002

Watching the sun set, downtown Davenport, IA. This is one of many great views from the office building where I work. The Mississippi River runs from east to west through the Quad Cities. Pass over the picture for notes about what is in the view. On clear days, five bridges are visible from our windows. I sometimes take for granted how beautiful the views are.

Day 1 - The Return of 365 Days of MEEEEEE!

2009-01-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

I've never been much of a goal-oriented person. But I'm planning on making 2009 a big year for me. My top ten goals in order:

1. Lose weight (at this pace I'm heading for heart attack & diabetes-land)
2. Move (either to a new apartment now or buy a house by spring 2010)
3. Drink less. (it adds
nothing to my life, and will help me achieve goal 1 & 4)
4. Go debt free by 2010 (first time in almost 6 years)
5. Apply for new positions at work. (bring on some change)
6. Fly somewhere (likely North Carolina in March or April)
7. See as many concerts as possible. (Andrew Bird, Rufus, Muse, & Daytrotter shows)
8. Take 1 or 2 road trips with friends to a new city (Atlanta, Denver, or SF sound fun)
9. Be more bold about approaching guys that interest me.
10. Find volleyball leagues to play in year round.

I'm excited, and up for the challenge.

Two Thousand Nine

2008-12-27T23:55:00.000-08:00

I've never been much of a goal-oriented person. But I'm planning on making 2009 a big year for me. My top ten goals in order:

1. Lose weight (at this pace I'm heading for heart attack & diabetes-land)
2. Move (either to a new apartment now or buy a house by spring 2010)
3. Drink less. (it adds nothing to my life, and will help me achieve goal 1 & 4)
4. Go debt free by 2010 (first time in almost 6 years)
5. Apply for new positions at work. (bring on some change)
6. Fly somewhere (likely North Carolina in March or April)
7. See as many concerts as possible. (Andrew Bird, Rufus, Muse, & Daytrotter shows)
8. Take 1 or 2 road trips with friends to a new city (Atlanta, Denver, or SF sound fun)
9. Be more bold about approaching guys that interest me.
10. Find volleyball leagues to play in year round.

I'm excited, and up for the challenge.

Obama Wins!! We Got It Right Finally......

2008-11-04T23:48:00.001-08:00

NY Times Endorses Obama For President

2008-10-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

October 24, 2008
Editorial
Barack Obama for President
Hyperbole is the currency of presidential campaigns, but this year the nation's future truly hangs in the balance.

The United States is battered and drifting after eight years of President Bush's failed leadership. He is saddling his successor with two wars, a scarred global image and a government systematically stripped of its ability to protect and help its citizens — whether they are fleeing a hurricane's floodwaters, searching for affordable health care or struggling to hold on to their homes, jobs, savings and pensions in the midst of a financial crisis that was foretold and preventable.

As tough as the times are, the selection of a new president is easy. After nearly two years of a grueling and ugly campaign, Senator Barack Obama of Illinois has proved that he is the right choice to be the 44th president of the United States.

Mr. Obama has met challenge after challenge, growing as a leader and putting real flesh on his early promises of hope and change. He has shown a cool head and sound judgment. We believe he has the will and the ability to forge the broad political consensus that is essential to finding solutions to this nation's problems.

In the same time, Senator John McCain of Arizona has retreated farther and farther to the fringe of American politics, running a campaign on partisan division, class warfare and even hints of racism. His policies and worldview are mired in the past. His choice of a running mate so evidently unfit for the office was a final act of opportunism and bad judgment that eclipsed the accomplishments of 26 years in Congress.

Given the particularly ugly nature of Mr. McCain's campaign, the urge to choose on the basis of raw emotion is strong. But there is a greater value in looking closely at the facts of life in America today and at the prescriptions the candidates offer. The differences are profound.

Mr. McCain offers more of the Republican every-man-for-himself ideology, now lying in shards on Wall Street and in Americans' bank accounts. Mr. Obama has another vision of government's role and responsibilities.

In his convention speech in Denver, Mr. Obama said, "Government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves: protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology."

Since the financial crisis, he has correctly identified the abject failure of government regulation that has brought the markets to the brink of collapse.

The Economy

The American financial system is the victim of decades of Republican deregulatory and anti-tax policies. Those ideas have been proved wrong at an unfathomable price, but Mr. McCain — a self-proclaimed "foot soldier in the Reagan revolution" — is still a believer.

Mr. Obama sees that far-reaching reforms will be needed to protect Americans and American business.

Mr. McCain talks about reform a lot, but his vision is pinched. His answer to any economic question is to eliminate pork-barrel spending — about $18 billion in a $3 trillion budget — cut taxes and wait for unfettered markets to solve the problem.

Mr. Obama is clear that the nation's tax structure must be changed to make it fairer. That means the well-off Americans who have benefited disproportionately from Mr. Bush's tax cuts will have to pay some more. Working Americans, who have seen their standard of living fall and their children's options narrow, will benefit. Mr. Obama wants to raise the minimum wage and tie it to inflation, restore a climate in which workers are able to organize unions if they wish and expand educational opportunities.

Mr. McCain, who once opposed President Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy as fiscally irresponsible, now wants to make them permanent. And while he talks about keeping taxes low for everyone, his proposed cuts would overwhelmingly benefit the top 1 percent of Americans while digging the country into a deeper fiscal hole.

National Security

The American military — its people and equipment — is dangerously overstretched. Mr. Bush has neglected the necessary war in Afghanistan, which now threatens to spiral into defeat. The unnecessary and staggeringly costly war in Iraq must be ended as quickly and responsibly as possible.

While Iraq's leaders insist on a swift drawdown of American troops and a deadline for the end of the occupation, Mr. McCain is still talking about some ill-defined "victory." As a result, he has offered no real plan for extracting American troops and limiting any further damage to Iraq and its neighbors.

Mr. Obama was an early and thoughtful opponent of the war in Iraq, and he has presented a military and diplomatic plan for withdrawing American forces. Mr. Obama also has correctly warned that until the Pentagon starts pulling troops out of Iraq, there will not be enough troops to defeat the Taliban and Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.

Mr. McCain, like Mr. Bush, has only belatedly focused on Afghanistan's dangerous unraveling and the threat that neighboring Pakistan may quickly follow.

Mr. Obama would have a learning curve on foreign affairs, but he has already showed sounder judgment than his opponent on these critical issues. His choice of Senator Joseph Biden — who has deep foreign-policy expertise — as his running mate is another sign of that sound judgment. Mr. McCain's long interest in foreign policy and the many dangers this country now faces make his choice of Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska more irresponsible.

Both presidential candidates talk about strengthening alliances in Europe and Asia, including NATO, and strongly support Israel. Both candidates talk about repairing America's image in the world. But it seems clear to us that Mr. Obama is far more likely to do that — and not just because the first black president would present a new American face to the world.

Mr. Obama wants to reform the United Nations, while Mr. McCain wants to create a new entity, the League of Democracies — a move that would incite even fiercer anti-American furies around the world.

Unfortunately, Mr. McCain, like Mr. Bush, sees the world as divided into friends (like Georgia) and adversaries (like Russia). He proposed kicking Russia out of the Group of 8 industrialized nations even before the invasion of Georgia. We have no sympathy for Moscow's bullying, but we also have no desire to replay the cold war. The United States must find a way to constrain the Russians' worst impulses, while preserving the ability to work with them on arms control and other vital initiatives.

Both candidates talk tough on terrorism, and neither has ruled out military action to end Iran's nuclear weapons program. But Mr. Obama has called for a serious effort to try to wean Tehran from its nuclear ambitions with more credible diplomatic overtures and tougher sanctions. Mr. McCain's willingness to joke about bombing Iran was frightening.

The Constitution and the Rule of Law

Under Mr. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the justice system and the separation of powers have come under relentless attack. Mr. Bush chose to exploit the tragedy of Sept. 11, 2001, the moment in which he looked like the president of a unified nation, to try to place himself above the law.

Mr. Bush has arrogated the power to imprison men without charges and browbeat Congress into granting an unfettered authority to spy on Americans. He has created untold numbers of "black" programs, including secret prisons and outsourced torture. The president has issued hundreds, if not thousands, of secret orders. We fear it will take years of forensic research to discover how many basic rights have been violated.

Both candidates have renounced torture and are committed to closing the prison camp in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

But Mr. Obama has gone beyond that, promising to identify and correct Mr. Bush's attacks on the democratic system. Mr. McCain has been silent on the subject.

Mr. McCain improved protections for detainees. But then he helped the White House push through the appalling Military Commissions Act of 2006, which denied detainees the right to a hearing in a real court and put Washington in conflict with the Geneva Conventions, greatly increasing the risk to American troops.

The next president will have the chance to appoint one or more justices to a Supreme Court that is on the brink of being dominated by a radical right wing. Mr. Obama may appoint less liberal judges than some of his followers might like, but Mr. McCain is certain to pick rigid ideologues. He has said he would never appoint a judge who believes in women's reproductive rights.

The Candidates

It will be an enormous challenge just to get the nation back to where it was before Mr. Bush, to begin to mend its image in the world and to restore its self-confidence and its self-respect. Doing all of that, and leading America forward, will require strength of will, character and intellect, sober judgment and a cool, steady hand.

Mr. Obama has those qualities in abundance. Watching him being tested in the campaign has long since erased the reservations that led us to endorse Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton in the Democratic primaries. He has drawn in legions of new voters with powerful messages of hope and possibility and calls for shared sacrifice and social responsibility.

Mr. McCain, whom we chose as the best Republican nominee in the primaries, has spent the last coins of his reputation for principle and sound judgment to placate the limitless demands and narrow vision of the far-right wing. His righteous fury at being driven out of the 2000 primaries on a racist tide aimed at his adopted daughter has been replaced by a zealous embrace of those same win-at-all-costs tactics and tacticians.

He surrendered his standing as an independent thinker in his rush to embrace Mr. Bush's misbegotten tax policies and to abandon his leadership position on climate change and immigration reform.

Mr. McCain could have seized the high ground on energy and the environment. Earlier in his career, he offered the first plausible bill to control America's emissions of greenhouse gases. Now his positions are a caricature of that record: think Ms. Palin leading chants of "drill, baby, drill."

Mr. Obama has endorsed some offshore drilling, but as part of a comprehensive strategy including big investments in new, clean technologies.

Mr. Obama has withstood some of the toughest campaign attacks ever mounted against a candidate. He's been called un-American and accused of hiding a secret Islamic faith. The Republicans have linked him to domestic terrorists and questioned his wife's love of her country. Ms. Palin has also questioned millions of Americans' patriotism, calling Republican-leaning states "pro-America."

This politics of fear, division and character assassination helped Mr. Bush drive Mr. McCain from the 2000 Republican primaries and defeat Senator John Kerry in 2004. It has been the dominant theme of his failed presidency.

The nation's problems are simply too grave to be reduced to slashing "robo-calls" and negative ads. This country needs sensible leadership, compassionate leadership, honest leadership and strong leadership. Barack Obama has shown that he has all of those qualities.

My Tunes

2008-10-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Sex Survey Said!

2008-10-13T21:13:00.001-07:00

*HOW KINKY ARE YOU?*
WHAT AGE DID YOU FIRST SUCK COCK?	20
WHAT AGE DID YOU FIRST TASTE PISS?	never
WHAT AGE DID YOU FIRST GET FUCKED?	23
HAVE YOU TAKEN ANY BOY'S VIRGINITY?	yes
HAVE YOU BEEN WITH ANY RELATIVES?	no
HAVE YOU BEEN WITH SOMEONE UNDERAGE?	no
WHAT IS THE GREATEST AGE DIFFERENCE YOU HAVE BEEN WITH?	15 yrs older, 14 yrs younger
DO YOU HAVE FANTASIES YOU CANNNOT ACT ON?	who doesn't?
ARE THEY ILLEGAL?	no
HAVE YOU HAD SEX IN PUBLIC?	yes
MOST UNCONVENTIONAL PLACE FOR SEX?	hotel balcony
MOST NUMBER OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE BEEN WITH AT ONE TIME?	3
HAVE YOU HAD 3 WAYS WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP?	no
HAVE YOU DONE 3 WAYS WITH BROTHERS/RELATIVES?	no
HAVE YOU HAD SEX IN A CAR?	yes
WAS THE CAR MOVING?	yes
MOST UNCONVENTIONAL PLACE FOR SEX IN A CAR?	while driving I guess
HAVE YOU DONE BONDAGE?	no
HAVE YOU DONE RAPE ROLE PLAY?	no
DO YOU LIKE PAIN?	no
FAVORITE SEXUAL ACTIVITY?	fucking, top or bottom
SECOND FAVORITE SEXUAL ACTIVITY?	sucking
THIRD FAVORITE SEXUAL ACTIVITY?	kissing, wrestling
FOURTH FAVORITE SEXUAL ACTIVITY?	frottage
HAVE YOU HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM?	yes
HAVE YOU SUCKED COCK AT A GLORY HOLE?	yes
KINKIEST THING YOU WERE DARED TO DO?	wearing leather harness during sex
DID YOU DO IT?	yes
WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN?	yes
Favorite Cartoon (except Bugs Bunny)	Family Guy
Do You Like Thunderstorms	Yes
In the Past Month Have You Drank Alcohol	Yes
In the Past Month Have You Been on Drugs	No
In the Past Month Have You Been on a Date	No
In the Past Month Have You Eaten Sushi	No
In the Past Month Have You Been on Stage	No
In the Past Month Have You Been Dumped	No
In the Past Month Have You Skinny Dipped	No
In the Past Month Have You Stolen Anything	No
Ever Been Drunk	Yes
Ever Been Called a Tease	Yes
Ever Been Beaten Up	No
Ever Shoplifted	Yes
How Do You Want to Die	No, but I have no choice I will one day
What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up	Loved and Wealthy
What Country Would You Most Like to Visit	Italy
*In A Boy*
Favorite Eye Color	Blue
Favorite Hair Color	Dark Brown/Black
Short or Long Hair	Short
Height	5'8 or taller
Weight	doesn't matter so much because it changes
Best Clothing Style	nude
Number of Drugs I've Taken	none
Number of CDs I Own	over 300
Number of Piercings	4
Number of Tattoos	None, but pondering one
Thought About Getting a Tattoo	hell yes
Number of Things in My Past I Regret	a few here and there, not enough room for detail
*Are You the Spooner or the Spoonee>*
*Do you get Motion Sickness>*
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

There Has to Be a Better Way....

2008-09-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

I have an issue with the amount of trash generated by fast food restaurants. I'll focus on Buffalo Wild Wings for this blog. Only because that's where my neighbors work and the company is building another store in my town. BWW has a decent sit-down/belly-up sports bar atmosphere, but then serve everything in disposable paper trays and plastic flatware. I assume they then toss everything into the trash. I wonder how many tons of trash per year this adds to landfills? I'm sure this keeps their overhead low by not having to pay as many dishwashers and replacing broken or worn out dishes & glasses but at what cost to the environment? Wouldn't it make more "green" sense to use real flatware and reusable plastic containers? Maybe they do recycle these containers somehow. Maybe the water it takes to wash dishes would be just as costly & harmful to the planet? I don't know. But I know we all have to do our part to "think green" these days. And this just seems the opposite of that. They do build energy efficient stores though, so that's a plus.

Remember the days when burgers came in thin paper wrappers? Now they're served in cardboard boxes. Perhaps this is a business opportunity or area of innovation waiting to be explored. Fast Food Waste Management Inc. sounds professional enough.

Possibly using large type food items to hold loose food. Like a fried potato "bowl" with chicken wings inside of it. Eat the wings and the bowl = no trash to toss out. OR serve your dine-in customers on a plate that can be washed? It doesn't have to be fancy. Just durable and washable. Currently Subway, McDonald's, Arby's, Carl's Jr, Hardee's, Wendy's, etc wrap their sandwiches and fries in some type of paper product and either put the meal on a tray with another sheet of paper or into a bag with napkins. Wouldn't it be great if there were an edible or reusable alternative? We could save more trees, cut down on litter, and reduce the amount of trash sent to landfills.

As with all systems, I'm sure it's more complicated than just these small steps. But there are a hell of a lot smarter, motivated people out there than me.

A Green Rant

2008-09-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

I have an issue with the amount of trash generated by a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant or any fast food place for that matter. I'll focus on BWW for this blog. BWW has a decent sit down/belly up sports bar atmosphere but then serve everything in disposable paper trays and plastic flatware. I assume they then tossed into the trash. I wonder how many tons of trash per year this adds to area landfills? I'm sure this keeps their overhead low by not having to pay dishwashers and replace broken or worn out dishes & glasses but at what cost to the environment? Wouldn't it make more "green" sense to use real flatware and reusable plastic containers? Maybe they do recycle these containers. Maybe the water it takes to wash dishes would be just as costly & harmful to the planet? I just know we all have to do our part to "think green" these days. Remember the days when burgers came in thin paper wrappers? Now they're served in cardboard boxes. Perhaps this is a business opportunity or area of innovation waiting to be explored. Fast food trash reduction.

Possibly using large type food items to hold loose food. Like a fried potato "bowl" with chicken wings inside of it. Eat the wings and the bowl = no trash to toss out. OR serve your dine-in customers on a plate that can be washed? It doesn't have to be fancy. Just durable and washable. Currently Subway, McDonald's, Arby's, Carl's Jr, Hardee's, Wendy's, etc wrap their sandwiches and fries in some type of paper product and either put the meal on a tray with another sheet of paper or into a bag with napkins. Wouldn't it be great if there were an edible or reusable alternative? We could save more trees and reduce trash sent to landfills.

Paralysis.....

2008-09-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

I still sleep on the left side of the bed.
And wake up clutching his pillow.
We haven't spoke in seven months.
I convinced myself it was time to let go.
After my birthday, how selfish.

Writing about this brings back memories.
Of turning to him for comfort after my cousin's death.
Of the week long trip to Chicago.
Of sharing the news I would be an uncle.
I really miss him hearing that I'll be an uncle again.

There is at least a daily story that involves him.
Occasionally vague, but often by name.
I told a friend today how much he hated mushrooms.
Never allowing them in spaghetti sauce.
He said they were like tongues, but I love mushrooms.

He'd never pass gas in front of me,
Except in his sleep.
Once, I dried the small of his back
Whispering wet back in his ear.
Completely forgetting the words offensive connotation.

He was rightfully leary of my family.
And I was unfairly protective of them.
He rarely ignored or missed a word I said
Although I often accused him of not listening.
And now I say nothing for fear no one is listening.

I believe he has moved on from the heartache I caused.
I sometimes wonder if I can.

What does it all mean, really?

2008-09-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

On most gay sites(chat rooms,IM's,etc )there's a lot of talk about who is a top, who's a bottom, and who's versatile. I consider myself versatile because I like it all. LOL! For some reason there are people out there that say versatile guys are just "glorified" bottoms. I'm not quite sure why there's a connotation about the versatile label. I'll let guys call me whatever they wanna call me. Bottom/Top, Top/Vers, Vers/Bottom, Bottom. I just don't understand the need to categorize every detail of our sexual proclivities. I mean, isn't it more fun to find out on your own with a guy you think is hot? Rather than just posting every single thing you enjoy. When I run across these profiles it's a kind of a turn off. I want to hook up with someone that's open to the experience and will go with me wherever our cocks lead us. Does this make me old fashioned or on the fence? I'm not bi for christ's sake.

Give it a yank for me,

-D

No Mas Republicanos, Por Favor!

2008-09-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

Invoke 911

No Surprise, I'm A Sinner

2008-09-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Very High
Envy:	High
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	High

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

I Saw Radiohead In Concert!

2008-09-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to see Radiohead in concert this summer. The two videos posted below are from the show. I filmed from our lawn seats. We saw them at Verizon Wireless Music Center (formerly Deer Creek Amphiteater) Noblesville, IN (Indianapolis) on 8/3/08. I thought audio turned out better than many other videos I've seen on youtube. Enjoy: 15 Step, and Just(Do It To Yourself)

And I Know Him, But Not Really

2008-09-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

I received a random add request on myspace a few weeks ago. The first thing I noticed when I hit the link was "Hot House Exclusive" lettering plastered all over the background. So I figured, ugh, another spam porn ad. But once I opened the pics I realized it was a local guy that I'd chatted with online but never had the nerve to say hello in person. So bad was my shyness that he'd kinda tease me about it after we'd see one another at various places around our midwestern city.

Turns out he got into doing porn after getting "discovered" at IML earlier this year. I suppose it would be wrong to mention his real name. He's now known as Ethan Wolfe, Hot House Exclusive. I shoulda jumped on him or let him pounce on me when I thought there was a chance. LOL..... You can check out his blog here... http://www.ethanwolfexxx.com/

Appea(red) in Explore on Flickr.com

2008-09-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

Court Says Student Can Wear Anti-Gay T-shirt

2008-04-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

First, check out this article from the Argus/QConline.com. At the end was my response and a link so you can add your own comments.

Court says student can wear anti-gay T-shirt

April 24, 2008 4:36 PM

CHICAGO (AP) -- A federal appeals court says a suburban Chicago student (douche) can wear a "Be Happy, Not Gay" T-shirt at his high school.
The decision overturns a lower court's ruling (correct) that sided with the Naperville school's move to ban the anti-gay shirt. The school argued the shirt's message is derogatory and could disrupt education.

The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals (what do they know?) ruled Wednesday that the school can't justifying banning Alexander Nuxoll (douche) from wearing the T-shirt on the grounds it might provoke incidents of harassment of homosexuals.

Attorneys (older douches in suits) (for the Neuqua (NEE'-kwah) Valley High School sophomore welcomed the ruling. They call it a victory for students' First Amendment rights.

..TR> ..TR>

My response..........

The point of being in school is to get an education. Anything that detracts from that process should be removed. When I was in high school they wouldn't let girls wear spaghetti strap/revealing tops and they banned shirts with Spuds MCKenzie and other alcohol ads on them. How was that any different? I should have taken my case to court! What a joke.

Does this mean they should also allow racist, sexist, anti-semitic, anti-christian attire as well? If you're going to allow one, you must allow all. After all that is what freedom of speech means, right?

High school is notoriously unsafe for gay and lesbian kids. Check the case files and teen suicide rates. The sad part is that the kid wearing the shirt will probably come out of the closet in the next few years. Schools have an obligation to ALL students to provide a safe, non-hostile environment, centered on learning. Let's keep the politics in Poly Sci class, shall we......

Comment on this article

SPOON, the Walkmen & White Rabbits

2008-03-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

Mammoth and Daytrotter present :

SPOON, w/ special guests the Walkmen & White Rabbits

@ The Capitol Theater

Davenport, IA

April 3, 2008 @ 8pm

Click here to check out a video for Spoon

And here for a video by The Walkmen

again here for White Rabbit's appearance on David Letterman

Three excellent bands with songs I'm sure you'll recognize and tickets only $20.

That beats spending $40 -$100 for nosebleed seats to watch some old fart "star" at iWireless Center.

Keep your eye on coming events at The Cap. They do serve alcohol and the more people check out these first concerts, the better chance we'll have to draw even bigger names. It's a 1500 seat General Admission theater that's not as stuffy as the Adler Theater. If you remember mid-90's Palmer concerts and wish up and coming artists would make stops in the QC, then you HAVE to check this one out.

I'm checking it out, tickets are $20 and available through Ticketmaster.com

Cleaning House

2007-12-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

I am editing my friends list in an attempt to keep in touch with people I actually know (or want to know), The guidelines are listed below.

Keep

1. My top 24
2. Anyone I've actually met in person, whether I like them or not
3. People in close proximity (state must border IL)
4. Those who have commented my pics, page, or blog recently
5. Those who have chatted with me on gay.com or yahoo messenger
6. Comedians, musicians, bands and various entertainers that I enjoy
7. Random hotties that add me outta nowhere. (I'm weak)
8. People that are not close but are too damn interesting to let go
9. My blog subscribers
10. People I added and remember why I did
11. Fans (haha)
12. People who send me a message when they add me. "hello" never killed anyone

Toss

1. Porn chicks
2. Porn dudes (if I want porn I'm not looking at myspace)
3. Ad Bots
4. Bands that have added me. (if I like your music, I'll add you)
5. Any user trying to sell shit
6. Random ppl that add me but then never contact me or comment my page
7. Annoying Bulletin Posters (totally subjective)
8. Excessive Bulletin Posters (ditto)
9. Comments posted by hacked pages (fuck macy's AND Emily & her email address)
10. People that piss me off for no good reason
11. People who insult or degrade me, unless I asked them to. :-)
12. Friend requests from unknown people with private pages

I wanted to post this as a bulletin but myspace was being a whiny little bitch and wouldn't present the page. Thanks for listening and sorry for a stupid non-blog.

Later,

-D

35 Questions......pseudo interesting stuff.

2007-09-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah it's a survey. Blah Blah Blah.

1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?
I like to make my guy laugh, but there are some things where I'd draw the line.

2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?
Hmm, usually on with a bf. Off with the randoms.

3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?
Haha, sometimes. But their music has nothing to do with how they'll interact with me. So I guess the answer is no.

4. If you could 'take back' your virginity from your first partner, would you?
No. I'm glad it finally started. I'd waited long enough :-)

5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with
an ex for financial reasons?
No.

6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past?
Nope, not really.

7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?
This question made me want to fall asleep.

8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
A purpose sure, a calling sometimes.

9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher level"?
Dream interpretation can be fun. But ultimately I don't believe they mean a damn thing.

10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?---
Why can't I have it all in one? A great lover I could share everything with. I'm greedy like that.

11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?
male, duh

12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished?
No, everyone does it. They should only be punished if they talk about it at family dinner. haha.

13. Do you like kissing in public?
yeah I do, but it's not exactly safe in every area.

14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?
For me to know and them to find out.

15. Did America really put a man on the moon?
Duh, yes.

16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?
I would, but they'd have to really be something.

17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
Music makes me happy and laughing with my friends and family.

18. How well do you handle criticism?
sometimes I get defensive but usually try to accept constructive criticism.

19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?
a little purer, sure. a lot purer would just be annoying.

20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?
Sure do.

21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?
Absolutely

22. You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and they've been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call?
If they're incredible, the next day. If you're unsure or would like to know more them then maybe a couple of days. If any longer than that it gives the impression you're not interested. And I am guilty of doing that too.

23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?
The ultimate punishment would not bring back their lost family member. So my answer would be no.

24. Would you have a 'Happy Button' installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?
Like the staples easy button? Hell no. There's a word for people like that. They're called junkies.

25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?
I like to be surprised and know everything. like I said, I'm greedy.

26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?
What's in past is past unless it involved me directly. I judge everything. And people who don't or say they don't will fall for anything.

27. What is sexiest about another person?
Each person is different. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes intelligence, sometimes personality. In that order too :-)

28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?
A dream job. I don't believe in soul mates. There are many people throughout our lives we click with. And again, why not both?

29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?
Yes open minded about most things, except anything involving waste matter or unsafe. I have to draw the line for my own health.

30. Should your mate also become your best friend?
I think they have to eventually. Because once the passion cools there has to be that personal connection and common interests. So yes, they have to be a friend but not necessarily the BEST friend.

31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?
Experienced. I'd never marry or really want to date a virgin. I've gone too far to turn back now. HAHA.

32. ran away...
wtf??? I never have.

33. Have you ever posed as a nude model?
nude yes, model no. haha

34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?
Good things

35. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Loved and lost.. It's not easy.. And it takes ALOT of time.. but for sure.

Is it asking too much????

2007-08-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

I would go to a therapist but I don't care enough.

So a long time ago, I'll say around a year or yr & 1/2 ago, I chatted with this guy online. Actually, he started the conversation and I went with it. We seemed to hit it off with some very mild flirtation but mostly just a decent chat about non sexual topics. He happened to be laid up with a broken leg or foot or something. Anyway, he said once he recovered we should get together sometime. Funny how that can mean so many things but for once I took it as, get together for drink/bite to eat and get to know each other. Not that "hey, leave the door open and turn off the lights" kind of meeting. So, I never did meet the guy, because he wasn't online again and we didn't exchange numbers. Then a couple months ago he sends me an IM outta the blue. Said he was going to be moving to Davenport in 6 weeks or so and to keep an eye out for him online, so we could meet once he was settled in. I was cool with that despite not connecting the first time around. So we made sure to add each other email addresses, and yahoo IM's. I chatted with him a few more times over the new 6 weeks and then eventually again once he was moved into Davenport.

We chatted that day just as we had before, I wanted to meet him but didn't want to be pushy. If you know me I'm nowhere near pushy, but still I didn't want to come off that way. So during our conversation I mentioned getting together later or whenever to do a meet and greet. He asked to meet me before. I made clear it wouldn't serious or hardcore. Just a drink, coffee, ice cream or whatever. He was very receptive to the idea but said he was still doing a lot of unpacking and, depending how much he got done, he might have the time to meet. So, I went about my day and about 5 hours later jumped online and sent him a message, because he was online. There was no response. So I figure he must have stepped away, no big deal. I sent him an add request on myspace and said I'd catch him later. But now I've seen him online over the course of several weeks, and any time I've attempted to make conversation (not every time I've seen him online) he just doesn't respond. Not even like, "hey man I'm not actually interested in meeting you." Or even a lame excuse would suffice. But no response pisses me off.

Is it too much to ask or expect a little bit of common courtesy in these situations? I know I have no problems turning down guys because I feel that's more honest than leading them to believe I'm interested. I'm not having pity party. There are always guys interested from one direction or another. Now I can't say I've never opened the door to someone then later changed my mind. But to those I'm not intrested in from the beginning, I always politely say that I'm not interested. A lot of guys have even thanked me for being honest about it. Occasionally it leads to a new chat buddy or a friend that I'll chat up at the bars. It just doesn't feel like I get that kind of honesty in return. Maybe I am interested in immature guys?? Maybe I'm that guy that just can't take a hint??? or maybe they believe I'll question them as to why they're not interested in me. (I so wouldn't bother nor do I really care) I really don't know.

I know blogs are great sounding boards for how much men suck, or women suck, or gay men/lesbians suck etc. But that's so not me to rant on about an entire group of people based on actions of a few. Anyway, you'd probably be surprised how many times this has happened. Like a month ago I sent a guy a message this hook up site. And he didn't even open my message, just deleted it instead. After so many times it starts to eat away at my confidence.

I am not a very aggressive chaser when it comes to dating. My choices tend to be very "low risk." (of rejection) I will usually go after guys that have expressed some inkling of interest in me or it's written all over their face that they're into types that look like me.This is one of my least favorite things about my personality. This cycle probably explains why my relationships tend to drag out into a series of dramatic episodes or one long epic. With me and him holding on for too long. It probably comes back to me just being lazy about dating too. Like everything else in my life. ugh! I'm tired.

If you got this far,

Thanks for listening,

-D

Train Keeps A Rollin' Choo! Choo!

2007-07-26T23:42:00.000-07:00

I knows it's been almost 4 months since I last blogged. My bad........ I have no excuse, except to say that I'm totally fucking lazy.

Anyway

I'm still doing the 365 days of self portraits thing. But, unlike my midsection, my ideas for images have gotten even more thin than the last posting. These pics were taken, one a day, 3/22/07 to 4/27/07. To find out more about what was happening on the day of each picture or what may have been on my mind that day, check out the caption for that individual image on my flickr page

Compliments, insults, and your comments about favorites or least favorite images are welcomed and encouraged here or on flickr.com. Sorry about the size of the mosaic below. I tried four times to shrink it, but decided I didn't give a fuck anymore.

Thank you for your support, bitches!

-D

The Next Thirty-Six

2007-03-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still doing the 365 days of self portraits thing. But, as you may be able to tell, I'm running out of new ideas. And I still haven't done a damn thing to actually lose some weight. Ah well, there's always tomorrow, right? These pics were taken, one a day, 2/15/07 to 3/21/07. To find out more about what was happening on the day of each pic, check out my flickr page

It's Me, and me again, & again, & again, ok one more time

2007-02-26T23:23:00.000-08:00

I'm experimenting with cloning now. Not actual cloning because I'm not sure that's ethical and I'm not a scientist anyway. I mean cloning images into one scene. Unfortunately I am not exactly feeling very creative lately. I've been lagging behind in taking a pictures for the 365 days project I blogged about last time. Right now I'm about 5 days behind. There are some crazy clone pics on flickr. If you're interest just run a search there for "cloning" I've only attempted it a few times.

Here's a few I've tried.

My first time. hehe. I haven't said that in a long time! :-)

a little better on the second try but a few of the images turned out very blurry

3rd time's a charm. I can't wait for summer so I can try some of this stuff outside. :-)

I'm gonna do some of these for friends soon. I'll post them here when I do :-) If you have ideas what can be in a scene, send me a message. On flickr I've seen murder scenes, arguments, just hanging out with yourself. The murder scenes are truly creepy, very Hitchcock-like. Check them out if you get a chance.

That's all for now.

-D

Gotta Get Myself Into It

2007-02-19T23:19:00.000-08:00

Just touching base here. I'm lucky if I blog once a month. I literally have nothing to say this time around. I haven't done anything remotely athletic or healthy but I have been taking pictures every day or pretty close to it. Below are the first 36 days of the 365days project I'm doing. I'm at that point where I sometimes think I've run out of ideas. I don't want any of these to look the same. A few do though because I'm mostly taking pics in my house or car. DAMN COLD WEATHER!!!!!

No more rambling,

-D

PS, if you want to check out the larger versions of any pics below, just check out my Flickr page

Turn & Face the Strange

2007-02-19T23:12:00.000-08:00

Hi! Hey! Hello! What's happening?

I haven't blogged in what feels like a decade. To be honest, there isn't much to say. Not true, a lot has happened. My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, friend, partner, companion-like person, Mike, moved to Colorado on Dec 15th. I miss him a lot, but exchange texts with him pretty much daily. We had a bit of a resurrection, resurgence, restoration, of our relationship around the end of August which continued until he moved. He doesn't go into great detail about our relationship in his blogs and I won't either. But we both decided that his moving would be good for both of us. We're still a bit uncertain what our future might bring, if anything.

I've been organizing my life and making baby steps toward getting into shape and dropping some pounds for a number of reasons. Not only have I just felt very run down but I'm headed down an unhealthy path. Hmm that might sound kind of ominous. What I mean is, healthwise, I don't wanna be 300 pounds and run into all of the medical problems associated with it. And I'm just not physically comfortable with all the extra weight anymore. My Grandma recently discovered she has Type II Diabetes which also runs thick in my Mom's side of the family. Now I won't say that losing weight or getting in shape isn't at least a little about my own vanity. It's very hard to find decent clothes in a bigger size than where I am right now and when I'm in shape I'm more outgoing and feel more confident in myself. So I have physical discomfort (fatigue easy), a family history of diabetes, a clothing dilemma, and want to be a more lively person than I am right now. Sounds like it's time to make some changes.

Lately extra time indoors, and not seeing Mike a few times a week, has created idle hands. So I've been taking a lot of photos & trying to be as creative as possible. I'm a homebody so the pics are not earth shattering work. Most pics are of me or stuff laying around my place. I joined a group on Flickr, called 365 days. The idea is you're supposed to take a self portrait every day for a year. I themed mine "365 Days to a Healthier Me." We'll see how I progress through both the daily photos and with the health and fitness routine I've drawn up. Each photo is tagged with my weight, diet and exercise for that day.

I thought some of you might find my process for creating portraits interesting. So, I've posted a before and after shot below to see how I take a rough image and turn it into a unique finished potrait. Combining the images into one made the finished one (on the right) a bit blurrier than I prefer, but you get the general idea.

I use a photo editing program called PhotoImpression. It's similar to Photoshop but a cheaper/less advanced version. Camera-wise I have a Nikon Coolpix 3200. I have a big technology wishlist. I would LOVE to get a new PC, mine is going on 6 years old and locks up quite frequently. I'm not even sure what to look for, but I know I want a widescreen flat panel monitor and something with enough RAM to run Photoshop, which my current PC doesn't have. I also want to get a more advanced camera. I have my eyes on a Nikon D50. Digital SLR. It's the number 1 or 2 camera on Flickr right now. My current camera is only 3 megapixels and it shows. Outdoors shots and anything more of a wide shot gets very grainy.

Now I feel like a big geek, but I don't really care. Just thought it'd be nice to share what I have been doing with all of you.

Take care and I hope everyone had a good new year.

-D

Just What the Doctor Ordered

2006-12-06T23:10:00.000-08:00

""Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind""

I can't claim responsibility for writing that, just came across it and thought I should share.

Adios Muchachos

-D

Coming Out with a Vengeance: All About Me (of course)

2006-12-04T23:08:00.000-08:00

From the vault I've tracked down my coming out email. I have a few running bits of commentary just in case you didn't already know these things about me or the people I mention in this letter.

6/23/97

Dear Mom & Dad,

Well, I really don't know where to begin. I guess there's really no easy way to approach the subject. So I'll just say it. I am gay.

Hopefully it's something you've suspected for years. It would make it much easier for all of us if that's the case. And, yes, Chris is my boyfriend, in case you were wondering. We've been dating for the last six months, and I really love him. He's the first guy that has been decent to me and truly loves me back. I hadn't met him yet when I decided to move. If you remember right I wanted to do that way back in November. ***I should have moved way sooner I was 23 & too old to be living with them anyway***

I don't want you to think Chris has changed me or something because that's not the case at all. He's not my first boyfriend, *** he actually was the first real boyfriend***, just the first one I wanted to build a future with. *** we split in 2000, but remain friends*** We started out as a long distance type of thing, for two months actually. And I've been very surprised at how well we get along.

I'm sorry that I am telling you on the computer, but I don't think I could ever get enough courage to tell you face to face. Not that I'm ashamed of who I am. I've always kind of known in the back of my mind that I was gay. But I didn't want to be, because people make fun of me and call me names. You know that I've always been a follower. And I still am in a big way. I don't want to come out to the whole world, but coming out to you has to happen right now, while I still live close enough to you to help you understand that I'm the same person I've always been. The only difference is that there aren't any more secrets between us. For right now, I'd appreciate it if you keep this between us. The fewer people that know, for now , the better. Unless you're comfortable talking to Brad & Cory ***my brothers, who were 20 & 16 at the time*** about it. I know for a fact that Brad has suspected for years. I also think that it's funny (in a way) that Brad and Naomi's kids *** they split in 2000 later divorcing before having any children*** are going to have 3 uncles that are gay.

There are a handful of girls that know about me. Suzy knows. Jennifer Walton knows. Joel, Todd, and Troy have known for like three years. I trust all of these people *** I trusted Suzy & Jennifer but barely knew the others*** and they have all been very supportive, especially Suzy. They's why we're so close. Joel and Troy ***Naomi's gay twin brothers*** knew before I had actually come to terms with it myself. They found out through a membeer of a support group that I wrote to about four years ago. He blabbed to them. I told a couple of girls at WIU, cuz I had just been dumped by Scott. ***just a guy I had a massive crush on, but he was a bigger closet case than I was and had a girlfriend at the time*** Back then I was very secretive about it, and I would go through long periods of depression, even thoughts of suicide (which would never be a solution to any kind of problem). ***fyi, I never gave suicide a single serious thought just sometimes wondered what would be everyone's reaction to it*** I'm not quite the same any more. I'm still a private type of guy, but I no longer feel bad about it. Especially after my trip to Chicago. Truth is, Chris and I went to gay neighborhoods on the North side of Chicago. To me it was very liberating. So many businesses there are gay friendly and some are owned by gay people. Most of the people that live there are gay. And it's pretty much like any other neighborhood. It's not weird like I thought it would be. It was my idea to go to these places. Chris didn't even know where most of this stuff was. But I knew the addresses from Chicago gay press which I've been reading for years. *** I think I made that part up*** Funny thing is that all of these neighborhoods are right around Wrigley Field. Who would have thought that in the middle of all of these houses full of gay people would be one of the oldest macho family traditions this country has ever known. BASEBALL!!.

My whole life I've have wanted to live in a big ity. And I hope to move there some day. Part of the reason I wanted to move to a big city when I was a kid was because I knew I could be anonymous and that I could be openly gay there and not be shunned by everyone. But I've found that peoples attitudes have really changed toward gay people. And that people aren't afraid to tell the truth any more. In this day of AIDS, I don't see how we, as a society, can avoid or ignore the plight of gay people and this horrible, horrible disease. ***cue the violins, Chris & I watched too many Lifetime movies back then*** If you think that you are far removed from it, you're wrong. I have always been safe, and have had very few partners.

It's unfortunate that many people go their whole lives and never reveal the truth about themselves. I'm just here to say that I don't want to be one of those people. People like _____ ______ ***I omitted this man's name, but this was a local guy that was married with 2 teen kids when he came out to his wife and family and admitted an affair*** What he did was devastating to his family. But I can't be lumped into the same category as someone like him. The lies stop here. I guess I figured it's better to just do this now than 10 years down the road when I'm married and everything is more complicated and "scandalous". I can't see ever hurting someone in that way.

This acquaintance once told me that everyone knows a gay person. And I told him, not my parents. But I was wrong, you know me. And there are others that you know or that you know of, that are also gay. But unfortunately I can't reveal them to you, because they wish to keep it a secret. There are gays in all walks of life and every profession you can possibly imagine. People don't like to think about it. *** ugh I read this now and I can't even describe how preachy I sounded***

The next time you go out to dinner with all of your dancing pals chances are, your waiter is gay. Or the dealer at the casinos. Or the guy that helps you with your bank loans. The kid behind the front desk of the hotel where you're staying. And many many more. *** those were all guys I'd either dated or were new friends with at that time***

I see this as a big weight being lifted off my shoulders. I don't have to hide this from you any more. And I'm truly happy about everything for the first time in my life. I hope you don't think I'm being selfish. *** I totally was, but I believe it was well deserved after the misery I'd put myself through*** But it has taken my years to be this confident about myself. and I no longer feel lost like I did when I came back from WIU.

I know it might be weird for a while. I've already thought about that. After hiding it for this many years, it's not going to be easy. But it has to be done, so I can go on with my life and realize my full potential. *** I don't think I've realized that, or even know what that means now*** I know you will eventually have questions about it. After you get over the initial shock. I just want you to know that I will answer your questions the best I can. I hope you're not embarassed to ask questions. If I know the answer I will tell you.

I hope you realize what a big step this is for me. And part of the reason I didn't want to tell you face to face was because I wanted you to have time to think about what you wanted to say back to me. I didn't want to get upset or get into an argument. I think that would have been a disaster. Quite frankly, I'm a bit scared of your reaction. With Mom's history of being on the outs with her family from time to time, I didn't want that to happen to us. But I've kind of distanced myself from you in case that does happen. I want to be able to stand on my own.

This is only the beginning, please do not avoid this issue. ** this line feels kinda pompous now*** The more we talk about it, the closer we will remain. It's a fact of my life that is not going away. It won't change, I've been there, done that, and won't go back again.

Love,

-Dusty

****After rereading this I realized how bad I ramble on. I did my best cutting it down. I also realize how much crap I laid on my parents with this message ( there was more) . If it was a movie the title would be "Coming Out with a Vengence" I don't recall why I was so angry back then. It was as if I lumped my parents' views together with all of society. This wasn't the full message, I went into gay historical stuff as if they would have cared about it and into kinda gay political issues that again, they wouldn't have cared about.

Their reaction wasn't like that of PFLAG parents, and I sparred with them in emails for a few months but to this day they have and always will stand by me, no matter what. There's never been any question that they love me unconditionally. They had known for years but made it clear they really didn't want to talk about it. However a month after I sent this message my Dad co-signed for an apartment for me and my ex-boyfriend. Sure, I sometimes wish it was more in the open but have come to realize that I censor myself too often. Since I don't talk about it, they don't feel the need to bring it up either. I came out when I was 23, I'm now 33 and I can't say that I've ever referred to myself as gay around my family. Well, every once in a while I do around my brothers and once with my Aunt. But I do tell my parents when I start dating someone new. And I forewarn them when I plan to do a "meet the parents" dinner or gathering.

I've been out almost 10 years now and in many ways I'm still in the closet around my family. But in my own life, I'm more out than I ever thought I would be. I'm to that point now where people I meet already know and they push me to share more details about my life. They want to know everything, uncensored, and I love that. But that small town boy in me still hides sometimes. It's a constant internal struggle for an introvert like me. I hope it doesn't sound as if I blame my family for my own BS because I've been very lucky to have come out in a supportive environment. I guess my only beef here is that for some reason I can't push myself to be more open with my family and that I sometimes get the feeling that they are ok with not knowing me as well as my coworkers, bosses, and friends do.

Anyway, enough rambling for now,

-D

2006-11-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

I know I hardly ever blog. Oh well, I would say I've been busy but I'm not a liar. Well not tonight anyway. Anywayz, here are some pictures from a crazy halloween night. I was a butt pirate. Hardly original and not that far out of character really. In fact, the small-ish bar I went to had like 4 other pirates. So yeah, I didn't win any best costume prizes. I started out the night at my brother Brad, gf Shaya, and their friend Courtney's Halloween bash at Bier Stube in Moline. Here are a few pics from that.

Shaya (left) and Courtney.

Shaya, Brad, & Courtney

Two bikers chicks (Pat & Vicky) and a drag queen. Wait, no, that's a real woman. But drag queens would have been jealous of this headwear

Courtney (back left) and a bunch of people I don't know.

Chubs McGee and Biker Babe Vicky. I think she had a woody for me. Er, I mean.....oh u know what I mean....

From here I had to take an early exit from their party because I wanted to meet up with my friends and hit the homo bars. :-) So I went home and they hadn't left yet.

My friend Brian, being a scrooge as usual. Apparently he was supposed to be a straight man or frat boy or something..... Ugh...zzz...zzzz....zzzz...zzzzz

Eric, aka glitterboy, or Starman on this particular night. Not sure his title or the name of his costume seemed to change all night.

Yeah I did.........fyi, that's not the real thing, duh!

Eric, Moi, Dave, & Ed (the fluffer, on his knees where he belongs)

Dave, making the best face ever. Yes folks, he works in the finance industry. Comforting, isn't it?

Fuzz, aka Aaron grrrr.... :-) oh and Brian too.... I guess....

Jeff and Brian

Andrea, she'd probably kill me for posting this. She didn't wear a costume but she's excused unlike Brian. Her costume last year kicked ass. Here's a few pix of her from last year:

She's so skinny. I hate her!!! j/k.....

Russy the Hussy..... nice teeth

An exhausted (aka. drunk) Fluffer. This Bitch won 200 fucking dollars!!!!!!!! (best costume)

Who's more drunk? Mike wore some kind of FUBU jumpsuit. I think he was supposed to be black (er, African American for those PC folks) but I thought he kinda looked like Fabrizio Moretti, drummer from "The Strokes" (shown below)

Don't you agree?

Anyway, that was my halloween night. I came home, peeled out of that ridiculous costume, and had a KILLER hangover when I woke up the next afternoon.

The End,

-D

Actually, I called you an ASSHOLE!......

2006-08-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hey all, I know I never write anything any more. But thought I should provide an update of sorts. Bear with me, I am not a good storyteller. I tend to leave out important facts that connect the beginning with the end. Anyway....

Saturday night I had my 15 year high school reunion. I was dreading going because, as with most reunions, it's time to show off your acheivements, children, etc, or lack thereof. But I did go. I showed up an hour late. Which gave me about an hour before the band and drowned out most long covnersations. A good time was had by all. I actually saw people I'd wanted to see at my 10 year, but for some reason they hadn't shown back then. I was very happy to leave early and meet up with friends to hit the bars.

So I picked Natalie up and we stopped off at home for a drink. Then we ran off to the bars. Fast forward to about 20 minutes before closing, I'm standing with my back turned talking with friends and all of the sudden I'm startled by a deep voice yelling "MOVE!!" Not "excuse me", not a tap on the shoulder, not even that annoying push-through you'd see in crowded bars, (it wasn't) . Just "MOVE!" So I turned and saw some dude standing right over my shoulder, I get out of his way, and as he passed I called him an asshole, intentionally loud enough that he could hear. So he walks a few more steps to the end of the bar turns back at us and yells FUCK YOU!!. I shook my head in disgust, assumed he was a drunk fuck, and figured that was the end of it. So the bar closes and I'm outside talking to Jason. The dude comes up and Jason jokingly says to him something about "doesn't this dude look straight?" (referring to me).

He says "no, you're the guy that called me a prick"

"Actually I called you an asshole" I said.

Dude starts to get all puffed up as hetero boys tend to do. You know the typical dialogue; "you're a pussy, I'll kick your ass, etc" I said "I don't even know you, why're you messing with me?" I don't remember what he said after that as Jason told his friend to leave me alone, that I was "cool" (whatever that means). I was glad for that, considering I was out with about 8 people but there were none standing there. I kept my trap shut, but once Jason walked me aside, I kinda let him have it since the dude was his friend. I was just drunk enough to be stupid. I said if this is your friend "don't bring him back", basically I went on a tirade about how the dude was straight (so is Jason) and didn't belong in a gay bar unless he was looking for guys.

In hindsight, I don't give a shit who goes to the bar as long as they're not trying to start shit with me, my friends, or anyone else out to have a good time without being hassled. And for some reason the dude was out to hassle someone. If I wanted to put up with that bullshit I'd go to The District or Carriage Haus. In the 10 years I've been out, the only time I've seen fights at gay bars is between former lovers. I think, if you're a straight guy and you're comfortable enough in your masculinity/sexuality to go to a gay bar, then by all means, GO. But if you can't manage to check the macho tough guy bullshit at the door, then you have no business in a gay bar. Shit, I didn't even hit on him. LOL.. Fighting for no reason isn't a butch, masculine, hetero/gay or whatever trait, it's just plain stupid.

So we get to Augie's and there he was with Jason. I ignored the situation the best I could, but my ex cornered me about it and I went off at him too(sorry). He and Natalie confronted the guy and of course he said I started all of it. He probably would have kicked my ass, if I hadn't shut up. Considering I've only thrown one punch (in defense) and only been in like 2 fights in my entire life, experience was not in my favor. :-) But for the first time I kinda felt like I understood what Mike says about bullies. "You stand up for yourself and don't hold back, or you'll get walked on forever" I have no intentions of being a doormat.

Ok, enough of that, I didn't get my ass kicked, I'm not pissed at the dude and I likely won't remember shit the next time I see him. **old age is setting in**

Until next time, take care ya'll

-D

PS. I do want to add here that the guy never said a derrogatory word about gays, fags, homos, or whatever. But to me, thats what his actions were saying. I felt like he was acting that way, thinking no one would stand up to him because we're gay. Maybe that's my issue, maybe his attitude. I suppose we'll never know. I don't hate the straighties. (I promise)

The best way to annoy the neighbors........

2006-07-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

That's right I'm annoying the neighbors.

I could think of other things that would probably annoy the neighbors more than what I'm doing Like blasting gay porn at 3am. But that's not what I do. oh who am I kidding, yes I do. Anyway.... the point of this blog is I've made a couple videos. Wait, not porn videos you pervs. I mean I've made a couple videos of me playing my guitar. Two reasons, first I was that bored and second I wanted to hear for myself if I'm improving. Which I'm happy to report I am. Now you may not think so from these videos but keep in mind they are dark and grainy, I wasn't attempting to play a full song, and I wasn't really warmed up.(excuses, pouring in) I was just dinking around like I usually do. Turn up the volume and:

Watch the FIRST VIDEO, just some bluesy solo/riffing.

If you haven't sworn off hearing another guitar in your life. then ......

Watch the SECOND VIDEO , I attempted some song "parts" First it's the intro to Enter Sandman by Metallica, followed by some of my own riffy power cords. Then I have the intro & up to the solo (sorta) of Crazy Dream by Los Lonely Boys.

Tell me what ya think. I'm not a pro obviously and I've never taken any lessons. All self taught playing by ear and tabs. I won't admit how long I've actually been playing because I should be able to play much better than I do..

Sorry, I couldn't get the youtube.com code to actually embed on this blog page. Why don't they make the blog page just like the main profile page? God damn myspace! I actually wrote and lost this blog like 5 times. I finally got smart and used Wordpad to save the text. If anyone knows how to embed a Youtube.com player/code thingy on the blog page, give me a heads up. I've been able to post them in people's pages and my profile page but the blog page is different. I've seen them in other user's blogs but I'm assuming there's more to it than just copying the code.

Thanks for watching/listening.

-D

Go out and buy the new Los Lonely Boys CD "Sacred". It came out today. It's not as good as the first but still better than most music I get a chance to hear.

Wrapped up like a douche......huh????.

2006-07-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

See below, for one of my fan letters. I'm still puzzled what I did to the dude. Maybe I didn't approve his friend request. Seriously, am I supposed to approve every douchebag that sends me a friend request? I think I vaguely remember getting a message from him or viewing his profile. But I'm in his ignore bin now. I'm so crushed..

the devil wears prada

Date: Jul 17, 2006 10:53 PM
Subject: fuck u asshole ur going to my ignore bin
Body: fucking bitch whatever shallow asshole

I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song......

2006-06-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

Uh, I know it's a song lyric heading. Witness me, giving a shit whether you like it or not. Anyway... I haven't blogged in a coon's age. And no girls, that's not a racist reference as much as you would like it to be. So much time so little to cover...... huh??? Yeah not much to report, rant, or rave about on this end. I've been going out with co-workers the last couple Wednesdays and it's been a blast. Our office is so uptight and we've been working a lot of overtime so letting off some steam has been the number one goal.

Anyway, I did want to let ya'll know I sang karaoke tonight. I know, who hasn't, right? Well I haven't before tonight. The first one was with my friend Beth, and we sang of course, Beth by Kiss. All I knew was the chorus. :-) Then I sang Sugar We're goin down by Fall Out Boy. I probably sounded like shit because I'm soft spoken and that dude kinda wails. Anyway it was good time. I was out until 2 and have to be up at 7:30am. So that's about all I'm gonna write for now. I am feeling a creative urge though. So expect a flurry of blogs over the weekend. Hopefully.

Oh yeah! I also still haven't visited the Coffee Artist Cafe. I'm such a bad friend :-( Maybe I'll do lunch there on Friday if I don't trek to Iowa City.

Later hobos,

-D

Throw me that bag of doritos, dude!

2006-06-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

So I had my little family/reunion country weekend and hmmm, yeah everyone had to proceed in telling me that I'd put on weight or that I was "big" boy! Bitches! Does it cushion the blow to refer to a grown man in his 30's as boy when you're telling him he's a fat ass? But it did get my mind working FINALLY. and I realized........

OMG, I'm like a stoner without the high but definitely the munchies and lethargy. FUCK! All I've done for about the last year is eat like every meal was my last and exercise like Chris Farley sans that eightball. Seriously I think someone is gonna need to order a crane to get my ass off the couch or away from my desk. So like any self respecting fag would do when they realize such a problem exists, I'm planning a course for self improvement. Doesn't the thought of that statement make ya wanna puke? Well it does me because it's such self-help bullshit. The constant affirmation and pep talks ya have to give yourself to stay motivated. UGH..

I went to dinner a few nights ago with my friend Eric. He's finally recovering from being crazy and the world is breathing a sigh of relief. We started talking about careers and goals, etc.... because that's what he always fucking talks about. This bitch has 3 degrees now! Granted they are all for 3 very different types of careers but at least he's set goals and achieved them. He talked about wanting to get into shape and we talked about my fat ass and I discovered that I must have been depressed because I haven't kicked myself in the ass and haven't even really gave a shit about anything or anyone for a long time. I dunno it sounds better than I was just a lazy ass with a bad diet of junk food and huge meals. My apathy has reached new highs? lows? Whatever , I don't even care! j/k I do care which means I must finally be ending my depression. So apparently depression for me means total apathy and binge eating. I'm totally like one of those girls in "Mean Girls" that eats her feelings and I didn't even know. I couldn't tell ya for sure what I was depressed about; life, love, money? All three, who knows. But I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so jazzed that summer is here. I'm still forming a plan of action but I'll keep you informed how I'm progressing.

Ok, my 30 minutes of self realization is over. My next blog will be more entertaining or least better to look at. (that's right, I ended that sentence with a preposition) I'll tell ya'll about last weekend. Every last beautiful racist moment.

Yours truly,

-Fatty McFatty

PS. I'm not fishing for compliments, so shove them somewhere else.

It's all fake......but it's long.....

2006-05-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I know it's been along time with no blog. I haven't had anything all too exciting to write about,not true, Ijust haven't taken time out of my busy schedule of doing nothing to write about what I've been doing.

I met a guy last Tuesday that I've hung out with a few times. :-)His name is Scott, he came here to meet me from Ottawa, not Canada, butIllinois. It'sa little over an hour drive eastof here. We hit it off. On Tuesday we had dinner and just chilled, talked, gotto know each other. I helped him spruce up his myspace page. He's a big JanetJackson freak, one of his 2-3 obviously gay traits.:-) Then on Friday I drove over to his place and we went hiking around Starved Rock State Park.I hadn't been to Starved Rock since I was a kid, but it was mostly how I remembered. I've put together a photodisplay below for your visual entertainment. (cuz I'm gay like that) I tried to be even gayer and make it a photo carousel, butthe myspace bitches won't let me or I'm not smart enough to embed a flashplayer in here. So here are the pics from my daytrip

This is Scott, the fearless guide,

The path we started on

The Rock, Starved that is, Not the wrestler "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?!?!" ( God, I hate wrestling)

Illinois River with Lock & Dam, taken from Lover's Leap

About a 4 ft water fall near Wildcat Canyon

Another shot of Illinois River from the Wildcat Canyon observation deck.

Large waterfall in Wilcat Canyon

Probably one of the most breaktaking views you'll find in Illinois. We don't have many. Shot from the observation deck around Wildcat Canyon.

The story of why they call the place Starved Rock seemed to be a bit of a myth about Illinois Indians being chased by other tribes to the cliffs overlooking the Illinois River where they ended up starving to death. I'm not kidding, the signs even said they didn't know if the story was true, but they sure as hell sell it. So our running joke all day was that the place was totally fake. Unfortunately we had to cut the day short because he had to work that evening but not before we had a tasty lunch at Duffy's tavern in Utica which was also occupied with motorcycle enthusiasts. I'd call them bikers butone of them had a grandkid in tow and the others were even older. Besides, the scary creatures we once referred to as biker's, no longer exist. Maybe a longer day of hiking will be in store for us in the near future.

Here we areafter a day of hiking. Not pretty, but cozy.

Friday evening I came back to the QC and had a volleyball game. One of my teammates was drunk and annoyed the shit out of me. I guess that's what I get for playing volleyball with a bunch of straight people I don't know. We ended up losing 2 out of the 3 games we played. I don't really care so much about the loss, just don't like big ole sloppy trashy chicks that think that the band Ratt is the shit. (Are they even still a band?) Anyway, I worked 3 days last week, will work 3 days this week and 3 or possibly 2 days the following week. Gotta lovevacation andholidays.

I went clean shaven for Saturday night out with the "girls" It scared me to see the smooth skin so I'm quickly growing back something but not sure what yet. I partied pretty hard, even went to an after party where not one , but two of my ex's were in attendance. Don't worry, there was no hair pulling, cat clawing, or re-living past glory. We were all on our best behavior and thankfully kept our interaction at a minimum. There are parts of the night I don't really remember too well. After hours parties are generally a bad idea but I came out of it unscathed and everyone made it home safely.

This weekend I'm heading out of town to southern IL to visit my Grandparents and do the family/country thing. I'm sure I will probably blog multiple times per day ranting about this that, and the other.

Told ya this would be long,

-D

Love ya like a herpe.

2006-05-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

Alright, well I woke up on monday morning and discovered I had the HUGEST! cold sore known to man on my bottom lip. I've been battling this damn thing all week hoping it would be gone by the time the weekend rolled around. Well no such luck. But I have been unfortunate enough to be blessed with a second one on my upper lip just above it. Apparently it's like a Bob Ross painting, it needed a happy little friend. So I'm not in the best of moods. When you can feel your own heart beating in your lips it tends to dampen your spirits. I haven't even kissed anyone in months. FUCK!!

Now, for a total change of topic. ( I mean it)

I've read my ex's blog recently and found a turn toward a lighter mood. I'm glad I haven't been the only one has been remembering good times. I just find it odd how we (everyone) become so mean and vindicitive toward people we once loved so much. No, I'm not talking about him, ok I am, but I'm also talking about me. I was sitting at work on Monday nursing my herpe, and sorta working (or whatever), when memories of happy times with him just popped into my head. It was all triggered because my coworkers and I had ordered Chinese food. I picked up my fortune cookie and without thinking I said aloud, "here's your fortune." This was something my ex always used to say when we had Chinese every Sunday. When he'd crack the cookie it wouldn't be his own fortune, it would be mine. Just a cute tidbit that I remembered. Which of course set off a chain reaction of other sweet quirks I started remembering. Like the way he would never dry off his lower back out of the shower. One time I came up behind him, and in a voice sweet enough to make bitter shitheads wanna vomit I said, "wet-back." Not even realizing what I was saying to my Mexican-Irish boyfriend, until he turned around with a hurt look on his face. LOL! oops. And I remember the funny inside jokes we always had. And how we used to call each other baby. Yeah, it made most people around us sick but we didn't care.

I remember more moments like these because it helps me get over being angry at him for stuff that really doesn't matter any more. Anger at this point is a useless emotion and only serves to poison myself.

We no longer speak. It sucks sometimes, but I understand why it's necessary for both of us.

Break-ups are a bitch,

-D

And the answer is.....

2006-05-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd give you all a follow up note from my grooming dilemma.

I've decided to follow Brian's sound advice by keeping the hair on my head, short, of course. And will continue to change my facial hair. Right now I have a small beard started. I call it small because it's partial growth a la George Michael or Don Johnson from the 80's. Not the look I'm going for but what can ya do until it's full grown? Maybe I'll grow it out to insane lengths like ZZ top or Grizzly Adams. Unfortunately my facial hair grows so straight that I would probably look like I'd attached a horses tail to my face.

I guess the beard suits my mood lately. Just kinda feeling like staying undercover still. Of course I'll be out at the bars from time to time. I'm not that antisocial. But I really don't feel like hooking up or dating, or putting up with anyone's bullshit. I have a full plate of my own, i really can't stomach anyone else's right now.

I have a volleyball league starting today. Hopefully I won't sprain my ankle like I did the first night of my last league. And hopefully I'll have the strength to endure my breeder teammates that kinda give me the creeps.

I'm looking forward to going out this weekend with DietPopStar. If she isn't thrown in jail by then. If you don't already, you MUST subscribe to her blog. You will laugh and laugh and laugh......

I'll update with some pictures from my new cameraphone when I feel like it!

Happy Cinco de Mayo bitches!

-D

Breaking the habit.

2006-05-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a week of not blogging anything. I've been really really fighting the urge to respond to some bickering going on in my ex's blog. But I've found I have a really really bad habit of overexplaining myself which kind of started the whole mess in the first place. So at this point I don't owe anyone an explanation of any kind. I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for listening.

-D

Lesson 3: Reclaiming your masculinity.

2006-04-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

Since we're covering the topic of hair (see previous blog here), I had to type up another lesson on reclaiming masculinity. And I think it will be another photo blog.

This lesson covers the topic of BODY hair. Ok boys I'll just say this once, STOP MOWING THE LAWN!. Ok maybe I'll say it again a little later. But I'm gonna ramble on about it for a bit first.

I had to do a bit of research (yes, I'm that bored) about what started this trend of body hair removal, because, let's face it, body hair removal is an often unpleasant and painful experience (as I'm sure most women will attest) So why did we start doing it? According to The Advocate it started in the 80's and 90's as a way to defy societal perception of gay men's health during the AIDS pandemic. Along with body hair removal was working out and tanning. Those are a separate lessons completely that I'll cover at another time.

Ok, so if you were built, tan, and hairless, you were healthy. We all know that's not true. I can sort of understand the working out and even tanning as far as a "healthy" appearance. But why does this include hair removal? This could have something to do with body builders such as the governor of California. All body builders shave pretty much everything and have even long before the 80's. Hair covers muscle definition. If you're hairless you can see the definition and striation of muscle. OK, but I still don't understand how this translated to guys that had never set foot in a gym. Was it because porn stars were hairless? Most likely. Or maybe it was Calvin Klein's fault. I don't know.

Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter how the trend started but it's 20 years later and I HOPE we're finally starting to reverse this trend. Men are hairy, it's natural. Shoot, even women are hairy. Now I'm not one of those guys that just gets off on hair. It is possible to have too much of a good thing. But I've seen relatively hairless guys remove EVERYTHING. Yes I do mean everything. From my hairy friend Tomek who went to the extreme of having his entire body hair except down there and around back removed by laser. (and you thought shaving burned) to my ex who was part Hispanic and naturally smooth. He would clip his entire body down to a stubble and would then use Nair on the nether regions. He claimed it was to remove body odor which I will address again in another lesson as well.

I know I've rambled on quite enough about this now. So I think it's time to get to those pictures. This time they are not me. (thank god) I looked for a comparison of one guy with and without chest hair and unfortunately couldn't find good pics of just one. So we're have to compare two guys. Which one appears more masculine? This one:

or this one:

To me it's clear but maybe not to everyone. I guess to me nothing says masculinity like a guy with a hairy chest. Agree, disagree? Eh, whatever.

The important thing to remember is keep the manscaping to a minimum. If you have hair that looks good show it off or at least don't be afraid to keep it. Because a lot of people like it :-) Some guys, even if they're wrong (me), equate body hair with masculinity. And if you're still not convinced then do it because straight guys are now trimming and shaving like there's no tomorrow.

You wouldn't want to be a straight guy, would you? I didn't think so,

As I promised, I'll say it again....

STOP MOWING THE LAWN!

-D

The question is......

2006-04-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

I am in need of a haircut soon. But, apparently I cannot make a decision for myself on this. I need help. So anyone who reads this vote now by comment, and the most # of votes is what I'll do. Poll closes Thursday 5-4-06 so I can get it cut by next week, either way.

I appreciate it,

-D

THE QUESTION IS.......

To buzz......

Or not buzz.....

And while we're at it I also have another poll.

to Beard.....

to goatee.....

or to form a hybrid of the two.....

Going clean shaven......

IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!!!

Ok vote now.

And no, this wasn't an excuse to be shamelessly post seven pictures of myself. But I did anyway.

Your swift attention to this grooming dilemma is greatly appreciated.

Jesus.... I need to get laid!

Comment bitches!

-D

Tres

2006-04-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

Name 3 schools you went to:
1. Western Illinois University
2. Black Hawk College
3. St Ambrose University

Name 3 things in your purse/wallet:
1. Drivers License
2. Credit Cards
3. Movie Theatre Gift certificate

Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:
1. Play guitar
2. Listen to Music
3. Clean

Name 3 favorite places to shop at:
1. Bed, Bath & Beyond
2. Target
3. Borders

Name 3 places you go to on a daily basis:
1. Work
2. Work
3. Work

Name 3 favorite fruits:
1. Pineapple
2. Oranges
3. Tomatoes, yes, they are fruit.

Three of your everyday foods:
1. Eggs
2. Mt Dew
3. Cheese

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. T-Shirt
2. Shorts
3. Stink

Three places you want to go on a vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. San Francisco
3. Italy

Who are 3 people you see the most?
1. Ed
2. Eric
3. Diet Pop Star ( well I see her blogs everyday)

What kind of drunk are you?

2006-04-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

What type of drunk are you?

My Results:

Flirt Drunk

When you get drunk you become uninhibited sexually and are always looking for ways to get laid. Flirting is much easier for you, and for some reason, alcohol makes you more charming.

See what type of drunk are you, take the test now!

Stormy Weather

2006-04-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah here's a shot of the April 13th storm out of my apartment window. All the really destructive stuff missed the Quads. Just some light rain. Which made taking lightning pics easier. Iowa City had a tornado, somebody died. But I'm sure you already knew that

I spent today doing absolutely nothing productive. And I didn't even have internet service all day. Just goes to show I can't blame the internet for my lack of productivity. Just have to blame myself. :-) But I am on a mission to ride my bike at some point this weekend, slowly inching my way into being more fit. Baby steps.

So this weekend should be fun. Except for tonight. Nothing going on tonight. Tomorrow I have a party to go to with a bunch of coworkers. I never party with my coworkers so it should be an experience. Then Easter Sunday I guess I'm hanging with my roommate and his parents , sipping margaritas and playing some games and of course having Easter dinner.

Happy Easter everyone!

-D

A moment of introspection.

2006-04-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

Anyway uh, my ex has written his own diatribe about "no more" which is a step forward for him. Despite once again writing in a derivative fashion. (Be original!) I'm glad he's pulling himself together and moving on. What we had going was not healthy for either one of us. He's made it his mission to forget me and apparently wants me to do the same. But I'm not exactly in a forgetful kind of space. I think forgetting the people you date and the things that happen in your relationships will make you repeat yourself over and over. If we don't pay attention to our own history are we bound to repeat it? Absolutely.

I've noticed a similar pattern in the men I've dated seriously. In my own way I loved all three but there was definitely a cycle of intensity that each relationship went through and a time came when things were winding down and sometimes crashing down. I, of course, have been the one each time to call things out and say , "you know what? this isn't working!" Each time I acted in reaction to them. Whether it was because of constant bickering and fighting, or a lack of involvement on their part..... Now don't get me wrong I'm no angel, I'm just as much to blame for what brought about the endings as they were. But the breaking up part always seems to be initiated by me while they live in denial.

I've had 3 somewhat messy breakups and each of the guys has expressed different forms of love and hatred for me at the same time. Am I the only person who's in this type of pattern? And how in the fuck do I break out of it?!!!

I have a need for control. In my relationships I've always felt I had an emotional control over the guys to some degree. Maybe that makes me cold and distant perhaps. But I'm all about self preservation. No matter what happens I will be in control of my own emotions. But there's a backlash to this suffocating emotional control I attempt to perpetuate. Sometimes I bottle up so much that I don't allow myself to feel angry, to feel betrayed, and to be decisive. Does every breakup consist of one person who holds it together and another that's a fucking mess? Is there ever such thing as a "mutual" breakup? Not that I haven't mourned the end of my relationships. I truly have. But it's one thing to grieve yet quite another to obsess over it and lose your shit. I've never been on the other side of the fence. I've felt rejection and heartache but I've seen some extreme behaviors from my exs. Such out of character behavior from my exs I've witnessed, endured, and struggled to cope with include desperate cries for attention including hospitalization, fist fights, stalking, and balls-out lying and manipulation to get me back. Is this normal? I can't figure out why, or what I do that brings about such a shift in behavior.

In the beginning, each came to me and expressed interest in me. Maybe I need to do the approaching next time around. There's a certain safety net automatically in place when you start dating someone that has approached you first. You usually don't have to second guess their motivation. The problem I run into is self-DOUBT. I start to doubt my feelings for continuing the relationship. I once doomed a relationship with my thinking that "it isn't going to last" It's a very cynical way to love. And ultimately assisted with my decision to end it.

I've always felt that I was a forgiving person. Too forgiving sometimes. When I'm in love with a guy, he could do just about anything and I would find a way to forgive him. Sometimes that's worked out fine and other times I've held onto resentment despite professing forgiveness. And I've also prematurely forgiven myself for things I've done. Sometimes we deserve to feel guilty. And if we feel no guilt or remorse then what lesson have we learned?

I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out the lessons of my most recent break up. I don't regret my decision to call it off. But in looking forward to the next relatinoship I'm trying to figure out a way to be less forgiving, more honest, and more decisive.

Thanks for reading, this is enough thinking for me for one late monday/early tuesday.

Peace, love and crisco.....

-D

The shot heard around the world

2006-04-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

Um yeah, I had a long blog typed up about Kurt Cobain blah blah blah. He died and the world mourned. And the music industry quickly went back to the same crap it had always been.

I started playing guitar because of Nirvana. Fairly simple stuff to play compared with Metallica, and Stevie Ray Vaughn that I still attempt to play. I've played since 1992, Fourteen years and rarely finish a single song. Not that I can't, I just don't. Nirvana was the shit and Kurt said things that I felt. Whether it was how bad the music industry was or how he hated misogynysts and bully jocks. I was a jock back then but always felt like an outsider despite being very popular and able to fit with any clique from bandgeeks to jocks and cheerleaders and occasionally even the burnouts. i was basically looking for somewhere to fit in, like an asshole. Kurt wasn't shy to talk about gay issues to the mainstream and gay press. He even admitted to thinking he was gay for a while and sometimes would wear a dress and his frail body. Maybe he was just another drug addicted mentally handicapped rockstar that cracked under the pressures of fame. But no one can take away the legacy of his music and the lasting effect he had on me. Their music just summed up every thought and feeling I had back in those days. My closet days. I was a closeted angry fag. I was angry that I was gay, that I was different. I'd always wanted so desperately to be like everyone else. Thankfully that has changed to a degree.... I came out of the closet and, well, that was about all.

Back in those days I'd spend hours reading over bound versions of old Advocate Magazines from as far back as like 1988. Soaking in as much about gay and lesbian culture and history as I could and still remain in the closet. The stuff I read back then would make me so angry. Whether it was gay bashing or the government dragging its feet on AIDS research, to overall intolerance. It seemed so easy to me to get along with people and appreciate them for who they were. But I wasn't being myself at the same time. This really has nothing to do with Kurt Cobain, but Nevermind was like the soundtrack for my life back then so I get a bit nostalgic.

So anyway, um yeah, it sucked that he killed himself. It would have been at least interesting if not great to see what direction his music or Art would have went in. Would he have faded away or still burned out and OD'ed like Layne Staley? Would he have turned into the Butthole Surfers? Would he have lost his ass and filed for Bankruptcy and ended up homeless like in his teen years? We'll never know.

Thanks Kurt for making the soundtrack of my 20's

Peace, love, and empathy

-D

Defined

2006-03-31T21:19:00.000-08:00

Dusty --

[adjective]:

Fuzzy to the touch

'How">http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=83">'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at http://www.quizgalaxy.com" style="color: #FF0000;">QuizGalaxy.com

hmmmm.. is this like a fresh peach fuzzy, or are we talking about fuzzy like mold. The way my ass has been so lazy I'm thinking it's more like the latter. Anywayz I have nothing else to say.

Wait, yes I do. I was going to enter a photo contest in the River Cities Reader but didn't get around to either selecting images I'd already shot or taking some new ones. I now have a flickr.com site. Here's a link to it.

http://flickr.com/photos/68846854@N00/

It's a really fun site for posting pics and getting feedback. And I'm not talking about pics of me, but pictures like photography that I like to do. Ok there are some pics of me but what else are you gonna shoot when your sitting around by yourself. No one wants to see pictures of piles of laundry. :-)

No More

2006-03-30T21:18:00.000-08:00

No more liar

No more cheater

No more emotionally weak

No more financially dependent

No more whiner

No more sponge

No more child

No more passenger

No more infection

No more manipulation

No more girlie

No more abandonment

You want to be an asshole when I've went out of my way to be kind and respectful of your feelings, then go ahead. These things always have a way of coming back to get you. It's karma baby!!!!

No more scrub

-D

How I die.

2006-03-24T21:17:00.000-08:00

You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead).

Disappear

93%
Bomb

80%
Posion

73%
Stabbed

73%
Natural Causes

73%
Drowning

47%
Suicide

47%
Gunshot

47%
Suffocated

40%
Disease

40%
Eaten

27%
Accident

7%
Cut Throat

7%

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

Insight for one.

2006-03-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

Chad was right.

I hope anyone who reads this will have the power to differentiate between a friend's good, and bad advice. And to expel from your heart, the people that show disregard for your feelings.

-D

Finally , it's happenin to me right, in front of my face....

2006-03-13T21:10:00.000-08:00

No I'm not talking about my love/sex life. Finally I'm writing another blog. I know you missed me. Ok, so you didn't, witness my sincere apathy.

I don't really have a great deal to comment on. Same shit different day. My 2 year old niece is saying my name now, that was good news. I tied one on Saturday night and spent all day Sunday sensitive to light and sound. I had some Harris pizza to dull the pain in my head and vegged out all day, watching Desperate Housewives Season 1. I've discovered I'm a TV on DVD type of person. I can't commit to watching a show each week but I will rent or buy an entire season of a show that I like. This is the first time I've seen DH, (last person on the planet apparently) If God or Satan and whoever could roll John the Gardener and Mike the plumber ,with a past, into one man I'd lock him in a cage and keep him forever. That's me I don't care if they're older, younger, hairy, smooth, white, black, whatever, just bring it on. :-) I swear this isn't a rant about needing or wanting to get laid. Just more incessant rambling. I need to vary my routine. Eventually I'll run out of TV shows and be forced to go work out to cure the sheer boredom I will almost surely experience.

And I'm done.

-D

Survey said! ---- 24% Virgin

2006-02-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

Minus 1 for everything that you've done. Then repost as your [ start with 100BR>
1.Smoked. -1

2.Drank alcohol. -1

3.Cried when someone died. -1

4.Been drunk.-1

5.Had sex.-1 (uh, a few times)

6.Been to a concert. -1

7.Given a handjob/gotten a handjob. -1 ( who says giving is better than receiving?)

8.Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob. -1 ( I got skills)

9.Been verbally sexually harassed.-1

10.Verbally sexually harassed somebody. -1 (flirting isn't harassment, ok well sometimes it is)

11.Felt someone up and/or been felt up. -1

12.Laughed so hard something came out of your nose. -1 (yeah, and one time mike was........ and it came out thru his nose) :-)

13.Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before. -1 (dawg)

14.Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend. -1 (usually knew b4 they told me)

15.Been to prom.-1 (like 4 times, I guess I like to wear tuxes)

16.Cried at school.-1 (not during class, but maybe in my dorm room back in college)

17.Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store. -1

18.Went streaking. -1(skinny dipping/mooning count?)

19.Given a lap dance.

20.Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.-1

21.Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.-1

22.Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.-1 (this question is getting redundant)

23.Kissed a stranger.-1 (only when I'm really horny or really drunk, and if both then it was probably more than kissing :-))

24.Hugged a stranger.-1

25.Went scuba diving. -1 (snorkeling counts)

26.Driven a car.-1

27.Gotten an xray.-1 (lots)

28.Hit by a car.

29.Had a party.-1

30.Done drugs. (never) nothing illegal

31.Played strip poker. -1

32.Got paid to strip for someone.

33.Ran away from home.

34.Broken a bone

35.Eaten sushi. (gross)

36.Bought porn. -1 (um, I should open my own rental store)

37.Watched porn.-1 (duh)

38.Made porn.-1 (well, there was this one time I.....)

39.Had a crush on someone of the same sex. -1 (um duh, i'm a big homo)

40.Been in love.-1

41.Frenched kissed.-1 (big sloppy kisses)

42.Laughed so hard you cried. -1

43.Cried yourself to sleep. -1 (when I was a kid, but I can't remember why)

44.Laughed yourself to sleep. -1 ( on a family vacation with my brother's coming up with new words for well-known acronyms) yeah we're dorks.

45.Stabbed yourself. -1(not with a knife, but pins, needles, etc)

46.Shot a gun.-1

47.Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day. -1 (is truth telling trash talking?)

48.Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours. -1(damn lord of the rings movies)

49.Been online for 9 consecutive hours.-1 (myspace and gay.com is EVIL)

50.Watched an animal die.-1

51.Watched a person die.-1 ( we're kinda all dying as we speak)

52.Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.-1 (one extra person or the person I messing around with? , either way yes)

53.Pranked somebody. -1

54.Put somebody in the hospital.

55.Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.-1

56.Kissed somebody of the same sex.-1 (total mo)

57.Dressed punk. -1 (I think I tried at a few concerts I went to, well grunge isn't punk, but punk isn't really punk either, so whatever)

58.Dressed goth. (no, I like the sun too much)

59.Dressed preppy.-1 (guilty as charged)

60.Been to a motocross race.

61.Avoided somebody.-1 (all the time)

62.Been stalked. -1

63.Stalked someone. -1 (first crush)

64.Met a celebrity.-1 (I met the singer from Live, Ed Kowalczyk and Congressman Lane Evans)

65.Played an instrument.-1 (guitar, harmonica, drums keyboard, piano, xylophone,saxophone) I wasn't a band geek but I've attempted to play all of these.

66.Ridden a horse. (surprisingly no)

67.Cut yourself.-1 (all the time, but not in a self-mutilating "in-need-of-therapy" kind of way)

68.Bungee jumped.

69.Ding dong ditched somebody.-1 (i'm not sure what the hell this even means, but I probably did it)

70.Been to a wild party.-1 (threw a wild party in college, 2 live bands, about 10 kegs, close to a 1000 people.) and that wasn't even a frat party

71.Got caught stealing something. (never caught)

72.Kicked a guy in the balls.-1 (but not on purpose)

73.Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend. -1 (not really, but I made out with a few of my college buddies girlfriends after they broke up Aaaaah, being in the closet,I wasn't interested but they sure were)

74.Went out with your friend's crush. (nope)

75.Got arrested. (could have been several times but was lucky)

76.Been pregnant.

77.Babysat.-1

78.Been to another country.

79.Started your house on fire. -1 ( I burned the hell ouf of ravioli in college, it started a fire but no serious damage)

80.Had an encounter with a ghost. -1 (I think so, damn ouiga boards. I think my ex gf was moving it)

81.Donated your hair to cancer patients.

82.Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd to be asked out by.-1

83.Cried over a member of the opposite sex.-1

84.Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.-1

85.Sat on your ass all day.-1 (Mike is a bad influence)

86.Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.-1 (there again, Mike is a bad influence)

87.Had a job. -1 (stupid)

88.Gotten cut from a sports team. (I was always decent at sports, not a star but not last pick either)

89.Been called a whore.-1 ( yeah, but Russ calls everyone whore)

90.Danced like a whore.-1 (isn't all dancing inherently whore-ish?)

91.Been mistaken for a celebrity. (no, but I've had a few people say I resemble Matthew Perry in the heavy years)

92.Been in a car accident.-1 (2 of them)

93.Been told you have beautiful eyes.-1 (all the time, because they are reflective)

94.Been told you have beautiful hair.-1 (not at present time, but someone once said I had hollywood hair, I took it as a compliment)

95.Raped somebody. (never had to force anyone, although a couple of hookups gave me the impression they weren't into me, but they never said no)

96.Danced in the rain. -1

97.Been rejected.-1 (only a few times, i'm a bit of a chicken)

98.Walked out of a restaurant without paying.

99.Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.-1 (sorry Chris)

100.Been raped. (can't rape the willing)

now repost and put your "-- irgin" as the subject
BE HONEST!

36irgin. Damn I am used goods

Favorite movie of last year

2006-02-23T21:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, so my favoorite movie from last year came out on DVD yesterday. Yes it was RENT. I'm not afraid to admit it. Despite having come of age (whatever that really means) in the 90's I had never been exposed to RENT. I wasn't about to become interested in a musical in the grunge-filled 90's. It just seemed like that would have been the furthest thing from what I felt at that time. I did sample the music back then and wasn't impressed, especially with voices of the male characters. But after seeing it all acted out I fell in love with it.

I watched the movie and 3 hours of extra features and realized the lipsyncing in parts was really bad. I think the music is still great and I personally still hate most musicals. The unfortunate part is each time I actually find a musical that I like (RENT, Chicago) I go rent others thinking I might actually like musicals but I still haven't found that to be the case. My personal least favorites are Jesus Christ Superstar and Moulin Rouge. They can both go to hell. Here's a list of some of the musicals (movies) I've seen and my grading A-F.

Oklahoma - D , just like living in Oklahoma

South Pacific - C (I saw this like 20 years ago, and can't honestly remember if it's a musical. I just remember I thought it was campy and stupid.)

RENT - A (the best) favorite tunes include Another Day, La Vie Boheme, Light my Candle and Jesse Martin singing I'll Cover You (reprise), makes me cry almost every time I watch it. So uplifting, and I usually don't identify with such a positive message.

Chicago - A (Renee and Catherine so impressed me) favorites Cell Block Tango, All That Jazz, Roxie, and When you're good to mama.

Victor, Victoria - B meh, it was better than I thought it might be.

Jesus Chris Superstar - F, go to hell. I'm not saying jesus should go to hell, just his musical.

Moulin Rouge - F , go to hell twice

Music Man - D ugh, seriously, I saw this when I was like 10, my Mom must have been prepping me to be gay. I think this is the one that has Gary, Indiana in it. Ok my mom lived in Gary for about 6 months and fucking hated it. nuff said.

Mary Poppins - A, Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke, a childhood favorite. Spoonful, Chimney sweep song. a Classic

Sound of Music - I've never been able to sit through this in it's entirety. So I give it somewhere between C and F

Phantom of the Opera - D I thought there was potential for a good one here but I ended up hating it. I don't think it's necessary to sing every single word. I've always hated that style. I like musicals that are more in touch with how we relate music to our lives. Breaking into song to express emtions is believable. Singing a conversation isn't believable and makes me cringe

West Side Story - D, talk about campy, I feel pretty, ooh so pretty and GAAAAAYYYYY!~ I prefer gritty Romeo and Juliet. This one reminded me of MIchael Jackson's beat it. Dancing street gangs, ridiculous. Saw it in high school.

Grease - B, John TRavolta, Olivia NEwton John. ok yeah I admit I liked this one a bit. I can't put my finger on why that is. The 50's were so retarded and repressed. and I guess I can understand that. Don't ask why.

Hedwig and the ANgry Inch - B John Cameron Mitchell did a terrific job with this. I felt the movie lacked something, possibly due to budget. Origin of Love and the one about Angry Inch were favorite tunes.

Rocky Horror Picture Show - C Tim Curry is quite funny in parts as Frankenfurter. Susan Sarandon's voice is awful. I do admit this can be a guilty pleasure on occasion. Overall I still give a low rating mostly because the rabid fans of this show give me the creeps a lot of times.

Camp - B some amazing vocal performances here. Especially Sasha Allen. This isn't technically a musical as much as it is a movie about musicals. After hearing "ANd I am telling you I'm not going" , I'm excited to see the movie version of Dreamgirls, (starring Beyonce) currently in production.

I'm trying to remember others I might have seen. But I think that hits most of the memorable ones. Please share your comments and/or suggestions for others that might be worth checking out.

Tired of getting blamed for other's bullshit

2006-02-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's right. I've been blamed. Fortunately it's for spreading truth so I'm not exactly in a guilty kind of mood. As most do or don't know I've only been single for a short time. While I was with my ex and a short time after, I shared some things with him in confidence about my friends (although I was HARDLY the only person they told). Those details later came to light.

I could sit here and blame my ex. But, for once, I don't. Can someone tell a friend things and expect that they won't share this with their partner? The person they tell everything to? It just seems very unfair that I get full blame for this situation. I can accept my share but damn! I'm sitting here drunk and just kinda pissed off. But I'm going to censor myself from providing too many details so as not to exacerbate an already tense situation. I am the first to admit my shortcomings and am starting to feel either the culmination of them or am being dumped on by malcontents.

No, it's not another song lyric, apparently they're lame.

-D

The need to express, to communicate

2006-01-31T20:59:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of cool art links I found. And this is the 2nd time I'm typing this damn message.

This first one deals with the downtown NYC art scene 1974-1984 and the 2nd link is just a painter I stumbled on that made me want to see more.

http://www.nyu.edu/greyart/exhibits/downtown/dthome.htm

http://www.mtrgraphics.com/dotweb/index.htm

Can I just tell you.....

2006-01-31T20:58:00.000-08:00

Can I just tell you, my space blogs suck. I once again lost a long blog I had typed about my inability to feel alive when I'm at work. But my browser froze and I had to reboot just as I'd ended my rant. So I'll give you the abridged version:

Life's a bitch and then I died.

-D

Chase VISA sucks.

2006-01-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

Ok so yeah, as my blog has reflected late last year I got behind on a lot of my bills. Well I finally started a slow recovery when my roommate moved in mid-November. After the holidays I was in good shape and everything appeared to be caught up. I was even able to buy gifts for the children in my family. Well then I received my January Chase statement and my minimum payment was about 8 times what it normally is. I always pay online so I still have my statements and can view the stubs. I knew I'd paid on time because I'd had trouble getting everything paid for 2-3 months and was trying my best to avoid more late fees. So I looked at my statements and realized that I'd paid $1 short on my December statement. I know this was my bonehead mistake, but thought wow it was a $1 seemed hardly fair $1 should end up costing me $74. So I called them up and they wouldn't waive it referencing the "cardmember" agreement. I work in customer service I waive fees and charges every day but she wouldn't budge. After working 10 hours I wasn't ready to start a fight with the poor slug who answered the phones. So I figured I'd bitch about it on here.

I feel like MIchael Douglas in that movie Falling Down. Was that the one where he just fucking loses it and takes a baseball bat to the Fast Food restaurant when they wouldn't serve him breakfast five minutes after the cut off time? This has put me in a bad mood because I've already sent my normal minimum payment this month on time and can't afford to come up with the difference they're asking for until I get paid again. Which means I'll probably have to pay another $74 on top of the already exorbitent (sp?) $74 charges. I think I feel steam coming out of my ears. Just another example of corporate America sticking it to the honest workin man.

Takin' what they givin', cuz I'm working for a livin'....

-D

PS: I'll give your blog kudos if you can name the song and artist of my ending lyrics.

Brokeback Mountain, movie review.... beware some spoilers

2006-01-09T20:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I saw Brokeback Mountain last night with 3 friends. The big homo opening weekend, well in the Quad Cities anyway. So let me first start by saying I thought the movie was just OK. I figure I will receive some negative comments about this one, so I'll explain a few things.

I had a problem with the brevity of character development in this movie. These two guys fall in love and have a hidden relationship for around 20 years which in itself is heartbraking. But this movie just lacked the emotion one would expect from a story of such longing. I never got the sense that either of them longed for each while apart. They get married, have families, and continue this relationship as "fishing buddies" Which sounds like a great premise but I wasn't pulled into the emotions these characters would feel. Their initial tryst was so unexpected and bordered on violence. I might be putting myself into the characters too much but after a quick roll in the hay that borders on rape I doubt very much I'm going to fall in love with the guy.

They part ways after that summer and don't see each other again for 4 years. At which time they tear into each like rabid dogs in heat! ?? Why? It just seemed like the director short changed us on HOW these guys fell in love. Too little time was spent on the development of this all consuming love in order to show off-center shots of mountains, sheep and running water. Again this could be my lack of understanding the characters. Possibly this stern cowboy exterior was why less emotion was shown. Could it have been intentional? On their next time together there was a brief bed time together where they talked intimately. I felt that scene could have been included earlier in the movie as it would better illustrate this sense of intimacy they would long for 4 years later. Also since the movie takes place over 20 years I lost track of time. It was so random, back and forth between their lives with family and their times together on the mountain. I mean throwing a moustache on Jake Gyllenhall doesn't make him 20 years older. Give 'em both beer guts and graying hair, that I could believe. At times the acting was good but dialogue seemed so forced. I just didn't get swept up in the story. The one emotion I felt was sadness for Ennis' wife and family.

Ok, so now I'll tell you what things I did like. I liked them making out after not seeing each other 4 years. Rough and tumble, that was very convincing. Almost every scene Michelle Williams was in , was a keeper. Heather Ledger's accent while dead on, was also almost inaudible at times but overall very good job. Jake Gyllenhall was actually more emotionally effective as a guy repeatedly heartbroken by not being able to be with his man exclusively. And the scene where Ennis is anticipating Jack's arrival where he's flipping the lighter and smoking one cig after another was effective.

But overall, I just kept anticipating that I would be more emotionally involved in the story and it would be a tearjerker. It wasn't. As for this hype created around it. Eh, I think anything that pisses off the religious freaks is a plus. And I read today that the movie wasn't shown in Salt Lake City. Anyway, long review short, my recommendation if you're looking for a tearjerker including gay characters this season then watch the movie version of the musical Rent or wait for it to come out on DVD. That made me cry twice. I'm such a girl.

Mama Don't let your Babies grow up to be Cowboys....(in bareback I mean brokeback mountain)

Comment away,

-D

Can I get a AMEN?!?!?!?!?!?!

2006-01-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Thank God or whoever that the holidays are over. If I eat one more piece of fudge or rice crispy treat, I think I'l fucking explode. I really have nothing more to say. But rambling is my specialty, so here goes:

Lately I have been so starved for new music. Is it just me or does music suck more now than it did in the late 80's? I mean, let's consider all the rapid advances in techonology since say 1989. Basically Ipod's and MP3's make it easier than ever to listen to the music you want. But I've definitely turned my back on new music to listen to old stuff again. I went through a soul music stage, collected about 10 CD's then before I lost internet service I started getting into the "cool as folk" station on yahoo messenger. Being a shitty guitarist myself I've always appreciated folkie music or any type of music that included guitars. But I miss rock music. Someone had to explain to me what the hell EMO was. Am I the only one that doesn't get the distinction between that and various other forms of hard rock music. So many clones out there, I don't hear a distinctive rock voice. I hear a lot of bands that sound like blink 182 and bands that took over Creed's shlock rock place. Maybe I am just being too lazy to look so hard to find music that doesn't make me wanna ram a pencil into each eardrum. Maybe I've just reached that age that I don't give a shit about new music anymore. Probably a little of both.

I wanna be sedated.....

-D.

Who are you, and what do you want?

2006-01-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

My patience is wearing thin. Relax I'm not some ticking timebomb waiting for the optimum time to take down my coworkers in a hail of bullets. But I'm just sick and tired. I've been down with the sickness for about a week now. Congestion, body aches and pains, pounding headaches, sensitivity to light, fevers. You name another cold, flu, sinus sympton and I've probably experienced it this week. Even my teeth are sensitive to cold for the first time. All of this on top of working about 9 hours of overtime this week. Overall this is making me cranky, especially to my fellow myspace bloggers and to some coworkers and customers.

Sorry, ya'll.

-D

WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THAT I AM LIBERAL

2005-12-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

This isn't my writing just thought it was cool.

WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THAT I AM LIBERAL

I would spend my last thirty bucks on a painting in a thrift store.
I love the smell of brioche.
I buy my bath soap from lesbians, yes it is made from oatmeal.
I have laughed in the kitchens of expensive restaurants
With the Mexicans who help to prepare 150. dollar meals
Wash the dishes afterwards,
And know we are having the better evening.
At the sight of two chubby, bearded bears –huge tattooed guys
Drinking beer in combat boots
Cuddling during gay pride
As the sun sets over San Francisco, my heart does grow warm.
And later, when wind blows their kilts up, revealing massive furry butts
Matching Prince Alberts, I can feel those elusive tears of joy.

A blessing where I live isn’t given by the priest who takes ten percent of my paycheck.
A blessing is when the cute guy behind the counter at The Grove
Throws a free shot of Espresso into my Doppio Con Panna.
A blessing is the landlord being cool about the rent-that’s the hand of God to me.
My soul is moved by break dancers, titty dancers, salsa dancers.
A miracle is when I come out of my apartment in the morning and the local graffiti artist Gives me a two story tall, Big E. Smalls, and recently did you see it? -Christopher Reeve
Flew out of his wheelchair, beat death as Superman!
Flying across the wall of Chinese dry cleaners those American biceps,
Fingertips stretching ever closer to the Golden Gate, and heaven.
Fashion stylists, Hairdressers, Drag queens, are the closest I get to secret societies
When they gather is circle, everyone waits reverentially
We all agree we do not know what they know
Powerful as Alan Greenspan, Heklina wants to tell me this:

God loves me when I’m helping out in the nursing home!
God loves me when I’m fucking a beautiful man named Charlie in the bathroom of the Eagle!
God wants me to know there’s a sale at Macy’s Men in Union Square, pink and green are back.

You are wrong when you say I do not love our troops,
I support our troops-I salute our troops: I bow down to our troops!
Our troops of motel housekeepers, immigrant farm workers, swish decorators,
Grumpy diva-ish poets, dreamy, idealistic sex-crazed college kids, small town hairdressers,
Big city gurus who talk like God. Legions of promiscuous off-Broadway actors,
Ignored seniors ready to sound-off, blinged out hip-hoppers with P. Diddy dreams.
I support our troops of tired, frustrated single mothers.
I wonder if they have everything they need to fight the war.
I worry the battle is giving them a trauma disorder.
I think we need to send them a care package.

George Washington was thinking of me kissing a boy on ecstasy at 3 o’clock in the morning When he fought the British.
He’d want me to feel that young mans hard cock through his jeans,
Put my tongue in his mouth
In a dark corner of The End Up.
That Jefferson wants me have the best organic produce is self-evident;
Every Sunday his folk band The Tanglers rocks out the Farmers Market
At the Ferry building.
The melodies of his guitar tickle the heirloom tomatoes,
Float over the Bay Bridge all the way over to Oakland.

When I say that I am a liberal let me be clear what I mean;
The woman who has done the most for me in life is a bisexual humanities teacher,
Yes at an Ivy League school, yes she also happens to be Jewish and does this make it better?
-A psychologist, you might even say a feminist.
She talked me down from the top of the Sears building when at 24
A man I loved told me I did not look at all like his ideal boyfriend.
Three years later I cradled her head in my lap as she cried from the tomoxophen and the Radiation when she did not believe she would beat the breast cancer-but did.
This 63-year-old woman with a Ph.D and one breast is a rock star to me.
When she calls me to tell me in a rush of excitement that she finally learned
How to make the perfect foam for her cappuccino,
And why don’t I come over and smoke a joint to celebrate. Well.
I almost write her name in on Election Day.
That is what I mean when I say that I’m a liberal.

Troy Ygnacio Soriano
Vermont Studio Center
Johnson, Vermont
November 9, 2004

I'm Back in the Saddle Again

2005-12-16T20:40:00.000-08:00

Whether you like it or not bitches, I am back online. And once I am able to wade through the ton of junk e-mail and cock pic requests I'll be blogging again full bore. I think I have a lot to talk about. At least I have more to rant about. Read if you wish

If ya wanna ride..... then ride the white horse!

Peace, for now

-D

Can you pay my bills, pay my telephone bills.....

2005-11-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

Ok, so yeah. My internet service has been disconnected because my broke ass didn't keep up on the payment. Then I let it sit off too long and they disconnected completely so it'll cost me an extra $100 to get it reconnected on top of the $150 or so that I already owe. I'm determined to avoid asking my parents for money. Damn pride. So, I'll probably be back in action after 12/1 since my roommate finally moved in which should save me around $300/mo at least. Maybe....

I don't think you do, sooo, u and me r thru......
-D

Lesson 2: Reclaiming your Masculinity

2005-11-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

Drop the she-speak. Ok, yeah I know we don't all do this but a lot do. I have friends that answer the phone "hey girl" no matter who's calling. Ok so yeah I say it to one of my friends for kicks to make fun of it. If your friend is in a foul mood, don't ask another friend, "what's her problem?" Or if your friend takes a long time to get ready. Don't say "she's still trying to pull herself together" Stop with the pronoun reversal, it confuses even those in the know sometimes. The real lesson here is, you and your gay male friends are not sisters, aunts, mothers, girlfriends or any other family member for that matter. We were born male and given male names and deserve the correct pronouns. USE THEM!

PS, You will also never be a strong black woman! ( thx Gill)

-D

When I get that feelin'..........

2005-11-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

Ok, no this isn't a rant about needing to get laid, although, as most would agree, ya need it occasionally. Fortunately for me this week that hasn't been a problem. I know it's tacky to discuss your sexual life amongst friends and even moreso to post for public viewing. But I could care less cuz I'm gonna anyway. If you don't wanna know then move along. So I got some Saturday, Sunday and Monday. 3 guys in 3 days, yikes what a whore! All top experiences with guys I've known for a long while and of course all safe. I won't play any other way. I have a variety of moods going on, I wanna get laid but I would also like a boyfriend again or both. So I thought about giving it a rest for a while. Even it needs R&R sometimes. So it's been on vacation since Tuesday (as if it's a person) but now it's Friday and sleepytime is over.

Maybe it's just me but why is it sometimes we feel like we can't get a boyfriend/girlfriend unless we're practically celibate? Personally to me I'd rather have a boyfriend that's had a variety of experiences and knows what he does and doesn't like. I admit this week has been unusually active for me but maybe I'm still in that phase of finding out what I do and do not like :-) Sounds like good enough justification for me. If not for you, then so long!

......I want sexual healing!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAh BAAAbyy

-D

Gotta do what's best for me... baby and that means I gotta...........

2005-11-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

I overslept this morning, missed my Doctor appt and had to reschedule. Which was probably a good thing cuz I want to give my ankle another week to heal. Yes, like a dumbass, I attempted to play volleyball on it last night and am paying the price today. This whole experience spraining my ankle has taught me a valuable lesson. and that lesson is, GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND EXERCISE!!!!!!!! Seriously, a few years ago I dropped 30 pounds and then got a boyfriend, got comfortable, ate like there was no tomorrow and stopped working out. No, sex is not enough of a workout to keep the weight off. Thus 3 years later I've gained 35 pounds back and am single again. Unfortunately I'm not one of those people that loses weight after a "divorce." Apparently I eat my feelings and everything else. As if I have feelings that need eating right now. I actually feel good about it. Anyway, enough pointless rambling for now.

Glad the work week is over.

Shake it off!!!!

-D

It's swell with two people.

2005-10-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I haven't ranted yet how tough it is being single and gay in this shit town. For once in my life getting laid isn't a problem but I'm over it already. That didn't take long. I've been single since June and have probably turned down or short changed a few guys that expressed interest almost instantly after my break up because I wasn't wanting to be tied down again so soon. So that period ( I said period) didn't last long. So now I'm in that lonely phase that always happens after a break up. I hang with friends as much as I can but it's in the QC and I'm pretty much broke barely paying the bills that area always piling up. Does this sound like a country song yet? No my dog isn't dead and I have no words of inspiration or whatever. So today I was chatting and agreed to meet this guy at Starbucks. He was sort of a pushy type wanted to meet or me to call him. These types annoy the hell out of me, but I'm desperate enough to take a chance that I might actually like him. First impressions aren't everything. Apparently he was astounded that I could carry on a conversation beyond "how big is it?" So just had to meet me. Anywayz. I'll post a blog on how it goes.

You do it to yourself, ya do, you and no one else.....

2005-10-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

Um, yeah guess what I just did! :-)

-D

He had a lot to say, he had a lot of nothing to say............

2005-10-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today was kind of fun. Well as fun as hell can be. I worked 10 hours, came home made myself some Chicken Curry with Coconut milk which is one of my favorite meals and drank hot tea. Yup I'm coming down with a cold or something. I've been running a fever all day and have been coughing and congested since I woke up this morning. Anyway I finally made major progress on the children's paintings I've needed to finish for the last 2 weeks. All I have left to do is some touch up and highlighting and I'll be done. Nothing major. It's kinda excited to be painting again. I'm far from a good painter but it's a fun hobby and a good creative outlet. And assuming the buyer likes them these 4 paintings will be the first art I've ever sold. $10/ painting, I know it's cheap but hell I'm new at this. So far I've spent like 12 hours actually working on the paintings. So it doesn't even pay minimum wage. I can see where they get the whole starving artist expression from now. But I can't complain I'm overdrawn about $40 until I get paid next monday so this $40 will get gas in my car and some groceries to last me until then. Whoever said art was good for nothing? Oh yeah, that was my parents. At least haven't had to borrow money from them. YET

..........We'll miss him, we're gonna miss him. Tool Rocks!!!!

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

2005-10-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

I read a blog of a new myspace friend of mine tonight and discovered he'd written a blog about losing his partner 9 months ago, killed by a drunk driver. I was a weeping mess at my computer about this man that I don't even know losing the love of his life. And it reminded me of my own loss of a loved one in a similar situation.

Three years ago this Thursday I lost my cousin Jared in a car accident. He was only 20 years old. It devastated my family but has brought us so much closer than we already were. But I'll never forget the tremendous pressure in my chest I felt that morning I was told and the next week. I freak now when I get early morning or middle of the night phone calls. Praying before I answer the phone never to hear news like that again. So many lessons learned through that ordeal. Jared was driving under the influence on that fateful night. I would continue writing but am a bit overcome by my memories of his life and the shock of his death.

Please don't let your friends or family drive drunk. And let the people in your life know that you love them every chance you get.

My name's Sinead I like pain, I'm a les............

2005-10-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm not a lesbian and I'm a pus**y when it comes to pain as most men are really. Ok so the first night of my Thrusday night volleyball league I went up to block and came down on the foot of another player and rolled my ankle over. OUCH. I couldn't feel my ankle for about 5 minutes as it proceeded to swell up the size of a softball. It's now the size of a baseball and Prince only wishes his skin was this color. Yes I did have it X-rayed and it's not broken but definitely sprained. Luckily I sit on my ass for work so I won't have to worry about that. I've been sitting all weekend with my leg in the air, ordinarily a position I wouldn't mind but under the circumstances. hehe.

I'll likely miss a good month of volleyball which is one of the few things I look forward to in the winter.

Oh well, the weekend wasn't a total loss.

I'm a creep.

2005-10-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here.

Wow, who hasn't felt like that at some point in their lives? No this isn't an exercise in self loathing. Am actually just in a self examination mode. Since I went through a break up in June I've been creepin a bit. A string of one night stands has led me back to the same point I was in 2002. Not really caring about my next boyfriend or looking for him. Only caring about the next experience. Now before you start getting all Judge Judy on me, hear me out. Sure I like sex, who doesn't right? But I've always had the sense to step back and realize when I have a potential boyfriend or something more than sex. In one of my encounters this summer I did feel something a bit different than normal but never had the chance to explore it further. Due to my own dumb fault I bailed and didn't call him for a while only to now run into him constantly. Yes I am kicking myself in the ass pretty much daily for making the mistake. And I've tried to regain his attention but am now being more cautious than I ever normally would. Ok this sounds conceited but I've always hooked up and dated guys that have approached me. I've never really pursued someone with vigor. He who hesitates is lost right? Yup. I must be slow on the uptake because I'm just now , at 32, discovering that I'll never get what I want if I don't go after it. In love, in career, etc. omg I have so many cliches running through my head. Carpe Diem, Get busy living or get busy dying, He who hesitates is lost, early bird gets the worm. Etc . I need to go to bed and shut my brain off for a while.

my space ugh!

2005-10-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

I juut spent an hour typing up 2 blogs one on work life the other on my love life and I basically lost both of the postings. I'm not typing all of that again. It's 2:41AM time for bed :-(

Lesson 1 Reclaim your masculinity.

2005-02-01T02:00:00.000-08:00

Some of the gay boys and those metros around this site need a crash course on reclaiming or discovering their masculinity. Lesson .1. Eyebrows, see attached graphic. :-) I'll post more as I think of them.

Girl brow

Boy brow

Any questions check out this link.

http://www.eyebrowz.com/mens/eyebrowstatement.htm

While I wouldn't recommend everything included at this site. It does have some good grooming tips. Just make sure you're viewing the MENS section. And for Pete's sake don't wear makeup. Unless of course you're a drag queen then by all means, wear makeup and lots of it.!

Threesomes, good or bad idea?

2005-01-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

Let me know what you think. This is my first blog so take it easy on me. Thanks.