Strong Enough For A Woman, But Made For A Man.

Artists That Have My Attention

2009-05-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

I am loyal to artists and their full length CD's/Albums/records. Yes I do have an MP3 player but most of it is full of the same artists. These artists are in heavy rotation for 2009. The video may not be on the album I list.

Andrew Bird - Noble Beast

Butch Walker - Sycamore Meadows

Cage The Elephant - Cage The Elephant

and CTE again,

William Elliott Whitmore - Animals in the Dark

The Gay Blades - Ghosts

The Faint - Fasciination

Countdown to Deletion

2009-05-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

In a few days I will transfer my blog archive. Then I am deleting this Myspace account.

If you want to continue reading/cyberstalking me, my blog site is Dusty All Day Long. And of course photos (old & new) will be posted on Flickr.

Follow my daily thoughts/events/mistakes on Facebook or Twitter. Also I promise to answer if you call or text me.

It's been fun but I want to spend less time online and Mypsace is expendable.

Gracias por leer. Merci pour lire. Vielen Dank für Lesen. Dank u voor het lezen. Ringraziarla per leggere. Obrigado para ler. Спасибо за чтение. Thanks for reading.

Auf Wiedersehen,

~Dust~

Two Thousand Nine

2008-12-27T23:55:00.000-08:00

I've never been much of a goal-oriented person. But I'm planning on making 2009 a big year for me. My top ten goals in order:

1. Lose weight (at this pace I'm heading for heart attack & diabetes-land)
2. Move (either to a new apartment now or buy a house by spring 2010)
3. Drink less. (it adds nothing to my life, and will help me achieve goal 1 & 4)
4. Go debt free by 2010 (first time in almost 6 years)
5. Apply for new positions at work. (bring on some change)
6. Fly somewhere (likely North Carolina in March or April)
7. See as many concerts as possible. (Andrew Bird, Rufus, Muse, & Daytrotter shows)
8. Take 1 or 2 road trips with friends to a new city (Atlanta, Denver, or SF sound fun)
9. Be more bold about approaching guys that interest me.
10. Find volleyball leagues to play in year round.

I'm excited, and up for the challenge.

NY Times Endorses Obama For President

2008-10-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

October 24, 2008
Editorial
Barack Obama for President
Hyperbole is the currency of presidential campaigns, but this year the nation's future truly hangs in the balance.

The United States is battered and drifting after eight years of President Bush's failed leadership. He is saddling his successor with two wars, a scarred global image and a government systematically stripped of its ability to protect and help its citizens — whether they are fleeing a hurricane's floodwaters, searching for affordable health care or struggling to hold on to their homes, jobs, savings and pensions in the midst of a financial crisis that was foretold and preventable.

As tough as the times are, the selection of a new president is easy. After nearly two years of a grueling and ugly campaign, Senator Barack Obama of Illinois has proved that he is the right choice to be the 44th president of the United States.

Mr. Obama has met challenge after challenge, growing as a leader and putting real flesh on his early promises of hope and change. He has shown a cool head and sound judgment. We believe he has the will and the ability to forge the broad political consensus that is essential to finding solutions to this nation's problems.

In the same time, Senator John McCain of Arizona has retreated farther and farther to the fringe of American politics, running a campaign on partisan division, class warfare and even hints of racism. His policies and worldview are mired in the past. His choice of a running mate so evidently unfit for the office was a final act of opportunism and bad judgment that eclipsed the accomplishments of 26 years in Congress.

Given the particularly ugly nature of Mr. McCain's campaign, the urge to choose on the basis of raw emotion is strong. But there is a greater value in looking closely at the facts of life in America today and at the prescriptions the candidates offer. The differences are profound.

Mr. McCain offers more of the Republican every-man-for-himself ideology, now lying in shards on Wall Street and in Americans' bank accounts. Mr. Obama has another vision of government's role and responsibilities.

In his convention speech in Denver, Mr. Obama said, "Government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves: protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology."

Since the financial crisis, he has correctly identified the abject failure of government regulation that has brought the markets to the brink of collapse.

The Economy

The American financial system is the victim of decades of Republican deregulatory and anti-tax policies. Those ideas have been proved wrong at an unfathomable price, but Mr. McCain — a self-proclaimed "foot soldier in the Reagan revolution" — is still a believer.

Mr. Obama sees that far-reaching reforms will be needed to protect Americans and American business.

Mr. McCain talks about reform a lot, but his vision is pinched. His answer to any economic question is to eliminate pork-barrel spending — about $18 billion in a $3 trillion budget — cut taxes and wait for unfettered markets to solve the problem.

Mr. Obama is clear that the nation's tax structure must be changed to make it fairer. That means the well-off Americans who have benefited disproportionately from Mr. Bush's tax cuts will have to pay some more. Working Americans, who have seen their standard of living fall and their children's options narrow, will benefit. Mr. Obama wants to raise the minimum wage and tie it to inflation, restore a climate in which workers are able to organize unions if they wish and expand educational opportunities.

Mr. McCain, who once opposed President Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy as fiscally irresponsible, now wants to make them permanent. And while he talks about keeping taxes low for everyone, his proposed cuts would overwhelmingly benefit the top 1 percent of Americans while digging the country into a deeper fiscal hole.

National Security

The American military — its people and equipment — is dangerously overstretched. Mr. Bush has neglected the necessary war in Afghanistan, which now threatens to spiral into defeat. The unnecessary and staggeringly costly war in Iraq must be ended as quickly and responsibly as possible.

While Iraq's leaders insist on a swift drawdown of American troops and a deadline for the end of the occupation, Mr. McCain is still talking about some ill-defined "victory." As a result, he has offered no real plan for extracting American troops and limiting any further damage to Iraq and its neighbors.

Mr. Obama was an early and thoughtful opponent of the war in Iraq, and he has presented a military and diplomatic plan for withdrawing American forces. Mr. Obama also has correctly warned that until the Pentagon starts pulling troops out of Iraq, there will not be enough troops to defeat the Taliban and Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.

Mr. McCain, like Mr. Bush, has only belatedly focused on Afghanistan's dangerous unraveling and the threat that neighboring Pakistan may quickly follow.

Mr. Obama would have a learning curve on foreign affairs, but he has already showed sounder judgment than his opponent on these critical issues. His choice of Senator Joseph Biden — who has deep foreign-policy expertise — as his running mate is another sign of that sound judgment. Mr. McCain's long interest in foreign policy and the many dangers this country now faces make his choice of Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska more irresponsible.

Both presidential candidates talk about strengthening alliances in Europe and Asia, including NATO, and strongly support Israel. Both candidates talk about repairing America's image in the world. But it seems clear to us that Mr. Obama is far more likely to do that — and not just because the first black president would present a new American face to the world.

Mr. Obama wants to reform the United Nations, while Mr. McCain wants to create a new entity, the League of Democracies — a move that would incite even fiercer anti-American furies around the world.

Unfortunately, Mr. McCain, like Mr. Bush, sees the world as divided into friends (like Georgia) and adversaries (like Russia). He proposed kicking Russia out of the Group of 8 industrialized nations even before the invasion of Georgia. We have no sympathy for Moscow's bullying, but we also have no desire to replay the cold war. The United States must find a way to constrain the Russians' worst impulses, while preserving the ability to work with them on arms control and other vital initiatives.

Both candidates talk tough on terrorism, and neither has ruled out military action to end Iran's nuclear weapons program. But Mr. Obama has called for a serious effort to try to wean Tehran from its nuclear ambitions with more credible diplomatic overtures and tougher sanctions. Mr. McCain's willingness to joke about bombing Iran was frightening.

The Constitution and the Rule of Law

Under Mr. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the justice system and the separation of powers have come under relentless attack. Mr. Bush chose to exploit the tragedy of Sept. 11, 2001, the moment in which he looked like the president of a unified nation, to try to place himself above the law.

Mr. Bush has arrogated the power to imprison men without charges and browbeat Congress into granting an unfettered authority to spy on Americans. He has created untold numbers of "black" programs, including secret prisons and outsourced torture. The president has issued hundreds, if not thousands, of secret orders. We fear it will take years of forensic research to discover how many basic rights have been violated.

Both candidates have renounced torture and are committed to closing the prison camp in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

But Mr. Obama has gone beyond that, promising to identify and correct Mr. Bush's attacks on the democratic system. Mr. McCain has been silent on the subject.

Mr. McCain improved protections for detainees. But then he helped the White House push through the appalling Military Commissions Act of 2006, which denied detainees the right to a hearing in a real court and put Washington in conflict with the Geneva Conventions, greatly increasing the risk to American troops.

The next president will have the chance to appoint one or more justices to a Supreme Court that is on the brink of being dominated by a radical right wing. Mr. Obama may appoint less liberal judges than some of his followers might like, but Mr. McCain is certain to pick rigid ideologues. He has said he would never appoint a judge who believes in women's reproductive rights.

The Candidates

It will be an enormous challenge just to get the nation back to where it was before Mr. Bush, to begin to mend its image in the world and to restore its self-confidence and its self-respect. Doing all of that, and leading America forward, will require strength of will, character and intellect, sober judgment and a cool, steady hand.

Mr. Obama has those qualities in abundance. Watching him being tested in the campaign has long since erased the reservations that led us to endorse Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton in the Democratic primaries. He has drawn in legions of new voters with powerful messages of hope and possibility and calls for shared sacrifice and social responsibility.

Mr. McCain, whom we chose as the best Republican nominee in the primaries, has spent the last coins of his reputation for principle and sound judgment to placate the limitless demands and narrow vision of the far-right wing. His righteous fury at being driven out of the 2000 primaries on a racist tide aimed at his adopted daughter has been replaced by a zealous embrace of those same win-at-all-costs tactics and tacticians.

He surrendered his standing as an independent thinker in his rush to embrace Mr. Bush's misbegotten tax policies and to abandon his leadership position on climate change and immigration reform.

Mr. McCain could have seized the high ground on energy and the environment. Earlier in his career, he offered the first plausible bill to control America's emissions of greenhouse gases. Now his positions are a caricature of that record: think Ms. Palin leading chants of "drill, baby, drill."

Mr. Obama has endorsed some offshore drilling, but as part of a comprehensive strategy including big investments in new, clean technologies.

Mr. Obama has withstood some of the toughest campaign attacks ever mounted against a candidate. He's been called un-American and accused of hiding a secret Islamic faith. The Republicans have linked him to domestic terrorists and questioned his wife's love of her country. Ms. Palin has also questioned millions of Americans' patriotism, calling Republican-leaning states "pro-America."

This politics of fear, division and character assassination helped Mr. Bush drive Mr. McCain from the 2000 Republican primaries and defeat Senator John Kerry in 2004. It has been the dominant theme of his failed presidency.

The nation's problems are simply too grave to be reduced to slashing "robo-calls" and negative ads. This country needs sensible leadership, compassionate leadership, honest leadership and strong leadership. Barack Obama has shown that he has all of those qualities.

There Has to Be a Better Way....

2008-09-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

I have an issue with the amount of trash generated by fast food restaurants. I'll focus on Buffalo Wild Wings for this blog. Only because that's where my neighbors work and the company is building another store in my town. BWW has a decent sit-down/belly-up sports bar atmosphere, but then serve everything in disposable paper trays and plastic flatware. I assume they then toss everything into the trash. I wonder how many tons of trash per year this adds to landfills? I'm sure this keeps their overhead low by not having to pay as many dishwashers and replacing broken or worn out dishes & glasses but at what cost to the environment? Wouldn't it make more "green" sense to use real flatware and reusable plastic containers? Maybe they do recycle these containers somehow. Maybe the water it takes to wash dishes would be just as costly & harmful to the planet? I don't know. But I know we all have to do our part to "think green" these days. And this just seems the opposite of that. They do build energy efficient stores though, so that's a plus.

Remember the days when burgers came in thin paper wrappers? Now they're served in cardboard boxes. Perhaps this is a business opportunity or area of innovation waiting to be explored. Fast Food Waste Management Inc. sounds professional enough.

Possibly using large type food items to hold loose food. Like a fried potato "bowl" with chicken wings inside of it. Eat the wings and the bowl = no trash to toss out. OR serve your dine-in customers on a plate that can be washed? It doesn't have to be fancy. Just durable and washable. Currently Subway, McDonald's, Arby's, Carl's Jr, Hardee's, Wendy's, etc wrap their sandwiches and fries in some type of paper product and either put the meal on a tray with another sheet of paper or into a bag with napkins. Wouldn't it be great if there were an edible or reusable alternative? We could save more trees, cut down on litter, and reduce the amount of trash sent to landfills.

As with all systems, I'm sure it's more complicated than just these small steps. But there are a hell of a lot smarter, motivated people out there than me.

Court Says Student Can Wear Anti-Gay T-shirt

2008-04-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

First, check out this article from the Argus/QConline.com. At the end was my response and a link so you can add your own comments.

Court says student can wear anti-gay T-shirt

April 24, 2008 4:36 PM

CHICAGO (AP) -- A federal appeals court says a suburban Chicago student (douche) can wear a "Be Happy, Not Gay" T-shirt at his high school.
The decision overturns a lower court's ruling (correct) that sided with the Naperville school's move to ban the anti-gay shirt. The school argued the shirt's message is derogatory and could disrupt education.

The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals (what do they know?) ruled Wednesday that the school can't justifying banning Alexander Nuxoll (douche) from wearing the T-shirt on the grounds it might provoke incidents of harassment of homosexuals.

Attorneys (older douches in suits) (for the Neuqua (NEE'-kwah) Valley High School sophomore welcomed the ruling. They call it a victory for students' First Amendment rights.

..TR> ..TR>

My response..........

The point of being in school is to get an education. Anything that detracts from that process should be removed. When I was in high school they wouldn't let girls wear spaghetti strap/revealing tops and they banned shirts with Spuds MCKenzie and other alcohol ads on them. How was that any different? I should have taken my case to court! What a joke.

Does this mean they should also allow racist, sexist, anti-semitic, anti-christian attire as well? If you're going to allow one, you must allow all. After all that is what freedom of speech means, right?

High school is notoriously unsafe for gay and lesbian kids. Check the case files and teen suicide rates. The sad part is that the kid wearing the shirt will probably come out of the closet in the next few years. Schools have an obligation to ALL students to provide a safe, non-hostile environment, centered on learning. Let's keep the politics in Poly Sci class, shall we......

Comment on this article

SPOON, the Walkmen & White Rabbits

2008-03-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

Mammoth and Daytrotter present :

SPOON, w/ special guests the Walkmen & White Rabbits

@ The Capitol Theater

Davenport, IA

April 3, 2008 @ 8pm

Click here to check out a video for Spoon

And here for a video by The Walkmen

again here for White Rabbit's appearance on David Letterman

Three excellent bands with songs I'm sure you'll recognize and tickets only $20.

That beats spending $40 -$100 for nosebleed seats to watch some old fart "star" at iWireless Center.

Keep your eye on coming events at The Cap. They do serve alcohol and the more people check out these first concerts, the better chance we'll have to draw even bigger names. It's a 1500 seat General Admission theater that's not as stuffy as the Adler Theater. If you remember mid-90's Palmer concerts and wish up and coming artists would make stops in the QC, then you HAVE to check this one out.

I'm checking it out, tickets are $20 and available through Ticketmaster.com

Cleaning House

2007-12-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

I am editing my friends list in an attempt to keep in touch with people I actually know (or want to know), The guidelines are listed below.

Keep

1. My top 24
2. Anyone I've actually met in person, whether I like them or not
3. People in close proximity (state must border IL)
4. Those who have commented my pics, page, or blog recently
5. Those who have chatted with me on gay.com or yahoo messenger
6. Comedians, musicians, bands and various entertainers that I enjoy
7. Random hotties that add me outta nowhere. (I'm weak)
8. People that are not close but are too damn interesting to let go
9. My blog subscribers
10. People I added and remember why I did
11. Fans (haha)
12. People who send me a message when they add me. "hello" never killed anyone

Toss

1. Porn chicks
2. Porn dudes (if I want porn I'm not looking at myspace)
3. Ad Bots
4. Bands that have added me. (if I like your music, I'll add you)
5. Any user trying to sell shit
6. Random ppl that add me but then never contact me or comment my page
7. Annoying Bulletin Posters (totally subjective)
8. Excessive Bulletin Posters (ditto)
9. Comments posted by hacked pages (fuck macy's AND Emily & her email address)
10. People that piss me off for no good reason
11. People who insult or degrade me, unless I asked them to. :-)
12. Friend requests from unknown people with private pages

I wanted to post this as a bulletin but myspace was being a whiny little bitch and wouldn't present the page. Thanks for listening and sorry for a stupid non-blog.

Later,

-D

35 Questions......pseudo interesting stuff.

2007-09-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah it's a survey. Blah Blah Blah.

1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?
I like to make my guy laugh, but there are some things where I'd draw the line.

2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?
Hmm, usually on with a bf. Off with the randoms.

3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?
Haha, sometimes. But their music has nothing to do with how they'll interact with me. So I guess the answer is no.

4. If you could 'take back' your virginity from your first partner, would you?
No. I'm glad it finally started. I'd waited long enough :-)

5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with
an ex for financial reasons?
No.

6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past?
Nope, not really.

7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?
This question made me want to fall asleep.

8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
A purpose sure, a calling sometimes.

9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher level"?
Dream interpretation can be fun. But ultimately I don't believe they mean a damn thing.

10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?---
Why can't I have it all in one? A great lover I could share everything with. I'm greedy like that.

11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?
male, duh

12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished?
No, everyone does it. They should only be punished if they talk about it at family dinner. haha.

13. Do you like kissing in public?
yeah I do, but it's not exactly safe in every area.

14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?
For me to know and them to find out.

15. Did America really put a man on the moon?
Duh, yes.

16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?
I would, but they'd have to really be something.

17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
Music makes me happy and laughing with my friends and family.

18. How well do you handle criticism?
sometimes I get defensive but usually try to accept constructive criticism.

19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?
a little purer, sure. a lot purer would just be annoying.

20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?
Sure do.

21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?
Absolutely

22. You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and they've been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call?
If they're incredible, the next day. If you're unsure or would like to know more them then maybe a couple of days. If any longer than that it gives the impression you're not interested. And I am guilty of doing that too.

23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?
The ultimate punishment would not bring back their lost family member. So my answer would be no.

24. Would you have a 'Happy Button' installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?
Like the staples easy button? Hell no. There's a word for people like that. They're called junkies.

25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?
I like to be surprised and know everything. like I said, I'm greedy.

26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?
What's in past is past unless it involved me directly. I judge everything. And people who don't or say they don't will fall for anything.

27. What is sexiest about another person?
Each person is different. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes intelligence, sometimes personality. In that order too :-)

28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?
A dream job. I don't believe in soul mates. There are many people throughout our lives we click with. And again, why not both?

29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?
Yes open minded about most things, except anything involving waste matter or unsafe. I have to draw the line for my own health.

30. Should your mate also become your best friend?
I think they have to eventually. Because once the passion cools there has to be that personal connection and common interests. So yes, they have to be a friend but not necessarily the BEST friend.

31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?
Experienced. I'd never marry or really want to date a virgin. I've gone too far to turn back now. HAHA.

32. ran away...
wtf??? I never have.

33. Have you ever posed as a nude model?
nude yes, model no. haha

34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?
Good things

35. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Loved and lost.. It's not easy.. And it takes ALOT of time.. but for sure.

Is it asking too much????

2007-08-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

I would go to a therapist but I don't care enough.

So a long time ago, I'll say around a year or yr & 1/2 ago, I chatted with this guy online. Actually, he started the conversation and I went with it. We seemed to hit it off with some very mild flirtation but mostly just a decent chat about non sexual topics. He happened to be laid up with a broken leg or foot or something. Anyway, he said once he recovered we should get together sometime. Funny how that can mean so many things but for once I took it as, get together for drink/bite to eat and get to know each other. Not that "hey, leave the door open and turn off the lights" kind of meeting. So, I never did meet the guy, because he wasn't online again and we didn't exchange numbers. Then a couple months ago he sends me an IM outta the blue. Said he was going to be moving to Davenport in 6 weeks or so and to keep an eye out for him online, so we could meet once he was settled in. I was cool with that despite not connecting the first time around. So we made sure to add each other email addresses, and yahoo IM's. I chatted with him a few more times over the new 6 weeks and then eventually again once he was moved into Davenport.

We chatted that day just as we had before, I wanted to meet him but didn't want to be pushy. If you know me I'm nowhere near pushy, but still I didn't want to come off that way. So during our conversation I mentioned getting together later or whenever to do a meet and greet. He asked to meet me before. I made clear it wouldn't serious or hardcore. Just a drink, coffee, ice cream or whatever. He was very receptive to the idea but said he was still doing a lot of unpacking and, depending how much he got done, he might have the time to meet. So, I went about my day and about 5 hours later jumped online and sent him a message, because he was online. There was no response. So I figure he must have stepped away, no big deal. I sent him an add request on myspace and said I'd catch him later. But now I've seen him online over the course of several weeks, and any time I've attempted to make conversation (not every time I've seen him online) he just doesn't respond. Not even like, "hey man I'm not actually interested in meeting you." Or even a lame excuse would suffice. But no response pisses me off.

Is it too much to ask or expect a little bit of common courtesy in these situations? I know I have no problems turning down guys because I feel that's more honest than leading them to believe I'm interested. I'm not having pity party. There are always guys interested from one direction or another. Now I can't say I've never opened the door to someone then later changed my mind. But to those I'm not intrested in from the beginning, I always politely say that I'm not interested. A lot of guys have even thanked me for being honest about it. Occasionally it leads to a new chat buddy or a friend that I'll chat up at the bars. It just doesn't feel like I get that kind of honesty in return. Maybe I am interested in immature guys?? Maybe I'm that guy that just can't take a hint??? or maybe they believe I'll question them as to why they're not interested in me. (I so wouldn't bother nor do I really care) I really don't know.

I know blogs are great sounding boards for how much men suck, or women suck, or gay men/lesbians suck etc. But that's so not me to rant on about an entire group of people based on actions of a few. Anyway, you'd probably be surprised how many times this has happened. Like a month ago I sent a guy a message this hook up site. And he didn't even open my message, just deleted it instead. After so many times it starts to eat away at my confidence.

I am not a very aggressive chaser when it comes to dating. My choices tend to be very "low risk." (of rejection) I will usually go after guys that have expressed some inkling of interest in me or it's written all over their face that they're into types that look like me.This is one of my least favorite things about my personality. This cycle probably explains why my relationships tend to drag out into a series of dramatic episodes or one long epic. With me and him holding on for too long. It probably comes back to me just being lazy about dating too. Like everything else in my life. ugh! I'm tired.

If you got this far,

Thanks for listening,

-D

Train Keeps A Rollin' Choo! Choo!

2007-07-26T23:42:00.000-07:00

I knows it's been almost 4 months since I last blogged. My bad........ I have no excuse, except to say that I'm totally fucking lazy.

Anyway

I'm still doing the 365 days of self portraits thing. But, unlike my midsection, my ideas for images have gotten even more thin than the last posting. These pics were taken, one a day, 3/22/07 to 4/27/07. To find out more about what was happening on the day of each picture or what may have been on my mind that day, check out the caption for that individual image on my flickr page

Compliments, insults, and your comments about favorites or least favorite images are welcomed and encouraged here or on flickr.com. Sorry about the size of the mosaic below. I tried four times to shrink it, but decided I didn't give a fuck anymore.

Thank you for your support, bitches!

-D

Just What the Doctor Ordered

2006-12-06T23:10:00.000-08:00

""Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind""

I can't claim responsibility for writing that, just came across it and thought I should share.

Adios Muchachos

-D

Turn & Face the Strange

2007-02-19T23:12:00.000-08:00

Hi! Hey! Hello! What's happening?

I haven't blogged in what feels like a decade. To be honest, there isn't much to say. Not true, a lot has happened. My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, friend, partner, companion-like person, Mike, moved to Colorado on Dec 15th. I miss him a lot, but exchange texts with him pretty much daily. We had a bit of a resurrection, resurgence, restoration, of our relationship around the end of August which continued until he moved. He doesn't go into great detail about our relationship in his blogs and I won't either. But we both decided that his moving would be good for both of us. We're still a bit uncertain what our future might bring, if anything.

I've been organizing my life and making baby steps toward getting into shape and dropping some pounds for a number of reasons. Not only have I just felt very run down but I'm headed down an unhealthy path. Hmm that might sound kind of ominous. What I mean is, healthwise, I don't wanna be 300 pounds and run into all of the medical problems associated with it. And I'm just not physically comfortable with all the extra weight anymore. My Grandma recently discovered she has Type II Diabetes which also runs thick in my Mom's side of the family. Now I won't say that losing weight or getting in shape isn't at least a little about my own vanity. It's very hard to find decent clothes in a bigger size than where I am right now and when I'm in shape I'm more outgoing and feel more confident in myself. So I have physical discomfort (fatigue easy), a family history of diabetes, a clothing dilemma, and want to be a more lively person than I am right now. Sounds like it's time to make some changes.

Lately extra time indoors, and not seeing Mike a few times a week, has created idle hands. So I've been taking a lot of photos & trying to be as creative as possible. I'm a homebody so the pics are not earth shattering work. Most pics are of me or stuff laying around my place. I joined a group on Flickr, called 365 days. The idea is you're supposed to take a self portrait every day for a year. I themed mine "365 Days to a Healthier Me." We'll see how I progress through both the daily photos and with the health and fitness routine I've drawn up. Each photo is tagged with my weight, diet and exercise for that day.

I thought some of you might find my process for creating portraits interesting. So, I've posted a before and after shot below to see how I take a rough image and turn it into a unique finished potrait. Combining the images into one made the finished one (on the right) a bit blurrier than I prefer, but you get the general idea.

I use a photo editing program called PhotoImpression. It's similar to Photoshop but a cheaper/less advanced version. Camera-wise I have a Nikon Coolpix 3200. I have a big technology wishlist. I would LOVE to get a new PC, mine is going on 6 years old and locks up quite frequently. I'm not even sure what to look for, but I know I want a widescreen flat panel monitor and something with enough RAM to run Photoshop, which my current PC doesn't have. I also want to get a more advanced camera. I have my eyes on a Nikon D50. Digital SLR. It's the number 1 or 2 camera on Flickr right now. My current camera is only 3 megapixels and it shows. Outdoors shots and anything more of a wide shot gets very grainy.

Now I feel like a big geek, but I don't really care. Just thought it'd be nice to share what I have been doing with all of you.

Take care and I hope everyone had a good new year.

-D

It's Me, and me again, & again, & again, ok one more time

2007-02-26T23:23:00.000-08:00

I'm experimenting with cloning now. Not actual cloning because I'm not sure that's ethical and I'm not a scientist anyway. I mean cloning images into one scene. Unfortunately I am not exactly feeling very creative lately. I've been lagging behind in taking a pictures for the 365 days project I blogged about last time. Right now I'm about 5 days behind. There are some crazy clone pics on flickr. If you're interest just run a search there for "cloning" I've only attempted it a few times.

Here's a few I've tried.

My first time. hehe. I haven't said that in a long time! :-)

a little better on the second try but a few of the images turned out very blurry

3rd time's a charm. I can't wait for summer so I can try some of this stuff outside. :-)

I'm gonna do some of these for friends soon. I'll post them here when I do :-) If you have ideas what can be in a scene, send me a message. On flickr I've seen murder scenes, arguments, just hanging out with yourself. The murder scenes are truly creepy, very Hitchcock-like. Check them out if you get a chance.

That's all for now.

-D

Gotta Get Myself Into It

2007-02-19T23:19:00.000-08:00

Just touching base here. I'm lucky if I blog once a month. I literally have nothing to say this time around. I haven't done anything remotely athletic or healthy but I have been taking pictures every day or pretty close to it. Below are the first 36 days of the 365days project I'm doing. I'm at that point where I sometimes think I've run out of ideas. I don't want any of these to look the same. A few do though because I'm mostly taking pics in my house or car. DAMN COLD WEATHER!!!!!

No more rambling,

-D

PS, if you want to check out the larger versions of any pics below, just check out my Flickr page

The Next Thirty-Six

2007-03-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still doing the 365 days of self portraits thing. But, as you may be able to tell, I'm running out of new ideas. And I still haven't done a damn thing to actually lose some weight. Ah well, there's always tomorrow, right? These pics were taken, one a day, 2/15/07 to 3/21/07. To find out more about what was happening on the day of each pic, check out my flickr page

Coming Out with a Vengeance: All About Me (of course)

2006-12-04T23:08:00.000-08:00

From the vault I've tracked down my coming out email. I have a few running bits of commentary just in case you didn't already know these things about me or the people I mention in this letter.

6/23/97

Dear Mom & Dad,

Well, I really don't know where to begin. I guess there's really no easy way to approach the subject. So I'll just say it. I am gay.

Hopefully it's something you've suspected for years. It would make it much easier for all of us if that's the case. And, yes, Chris is my boyfriend, in case you were wondering. We've been dating for the last six months, and I really love him. He's the first guy that has been decent to me and truly loves me back. I hadn't met him yet when I decided to move. If you remember right I wanted to do that way back in November. ***I should have moved way sooner I was 23 & too old to be living with them anyway***

I don't want you to think Chris has changed me or something because that's not the case at all. He's not my first boyfriend, *** he actually was the first real boyfriend***, just the first one I wanted to build a future with. *** we split in 2000, but remain friends*** We started out as a long distance type of thing, for two months actually. And I've been very surprised at how well we get along.

I'm sorry that I am telling you on the computer, but I don't think I could ever get enough courage to tell you face to face. Not that I'm ashamed of who I am. I've always kind of known in the back of my mind that I was gay. But I didn't want to be, because people make fun of me and call me names. You know that I've always been a follower. And I still am in a big way. I don't want to come out to the whole world, but coming out to you has to happen right now, while I still live close enough to you to help you understand that I'm the same person I've always been. The only difference is that there aren't any more secrets between us. For right now, I'd appreciate it if you keep this between us. The fewer people that know, for now , the better. Unless you're comfortable talking to Brad & Cory ***my brothers, who were 20 & 16 at the time*** about it. I know for a fact that Brad has suspected for years. I also think that it's funny (in a way) that Brad and Naomi's kids *** they split in 2000 later divorcing before having any children*** are going to have 3 uncles that are gay.

There are a handful of girls that know about me. Suzy knows. Jennifer Walton knows. Joel, Todd, and Troy have known for like three years. I trust all of these people *** I trusted Suzy & Jennifer but barely knew the others*** and they have all been very supportive, especially Suzy. They's why we're so close. Joel and Troy ***Naomi's gay twin brothers*** knew before I had actually come to terms with it myself. They found out through a membeer of a support group that I wrote to about four years ago. He blabbed to them. I told a couple of girls at WIU, cuz I had just been dumped by Scott. ***just a guy I had a massive crush on, but he was a bigger closet case than I was and had a girlfriend at the time*** Back then I was very secretive about it, and I would go through long periods of depression, even thoughts of suicide (which would never be a solution to any kind of problem). ***fyi, I never gave suicide a single serious thought just sometimes wondered what would be everyone's reaction to it*** I'm not quite the same any more. I'm still a private type of guy, but I no longer feel bad about it. Especially after my trip to Chicago. Truth is, Chris and I went to gay neighborhoods on the North side of Chicago. To me it was very liberating. So many businesses there are gay friendly and some are owned by gay people. Most of the people that live there are gay. And it's pretty much like any other neighborhood. It's not weird like I thought it would be. It was my idea to go to these places. Chris didn't even know where most of this stuff was. But I knew the addresses from Chicago gay press which I've been reading for years. *** I think I made that part up*** Funny thing is that all of these neighborhoods are right around Wrigley Field. Who would have thought that in the middle of all of these houses full of gay people would be one of the oldest macho family traditions this country has ever known. BASEBALL!!.

My whole life I've have wanted to live in a big ity. And I hope to move there some day. Part of the reason I wanted to move to a big city when I was a kid was because I knew I could be anonymous and that I could be openly gay there and not be shunned by everyone. But I've found that peoples attitudes have really changed toward gay people. And that people aren't afraid to tell the truth any more. In this day of AIDS, I don't see how we, as a society, can avoid or ignore the plight of gay people and this horrible, horrible disease. ***cue the violins, Chris & I watched too many Lifetime movies back then*** If you think that you are far removed from it, you're wrong. I have always been safe, and have had very few partners.

It's unfortunate that many people go their whole lives and never reveal the truth about themselves. I'm just here to say that I don't want to be one of those people. People like _____ ______ ***I omitted this man's name, but this was a local guy that was married with 2 teen kids when he came out to his wife and family and admitted an affair*** What he did was devastating to his family. But I can't be lumped into the same category as someone like him. The lies stop here. I guess I figured it's better to just do this now than 10 years down the road when I'm married and everything is more complicated and "scandalous". I can't see ever hurting someone in that way.

This acquaintance once told me that everyone knows a gay person. And I told him, not my parents. But I was wrong, you know me. And there are others that you know or that you know of, that are also gay. But unfortunately I can't reveal them to you, because they wish to keep it a secret. There are gays in all walks of life and every profession you can possibly imagine. People don't like to think about it. *** ugh I read this now and I can't even describe how preachy I sounded***

The next time you go out to dinner with all of your dancing pals chances are, your waiter is gay. Or the dealer at the casinos. Or the guy that helps you with your bank loans. The kid behind the front desk of the hotel where you're staying. And many many more. *** those were all guys I'd either dated or were new friends with at that time***

I see this as a big weight being lifted off my shoulders. I don't have to hide this from you any more. And I'm truly happy about everything for the first time in my life. I hope you don't think I'm being selfish. *** I totally was, but I believe it was well deserved after the misery I'd put myself through*** But it has taken my years to be this confident about myself. and I no longer feel lost like I did when I came back from WIU.

I know it might be weird for a while. I've already thought about that. After hiding it for this many years, it's not going to be easy. But it has to be done, so I can go on with my life and realize my full potential. *** I don't think I've realized that, or even know what that means now*** I know you will eventually have questions about it. After you get over the initial shock. I just want you to know that I will answer your questions the best I can. I hope you're not embarassed to ask questions. If I know the answer I will tell you.

I hope you realize what a big step this is for me. And part of the reason I didn't want to tell you face to face was because I wanted you to have time to think about what you wanted to say back to me. I didn't want to get upset or get into an argument. I think that would have been a disaster. Quite frankly, I'm a bit scared of your reaction. With Mom's history of being on the outs with her family from time to time, I didn't want that to happen to us. But I've kind of distanced myself from you in case that does happen. I want to be able to stand on my own.

This is only the beginning, please do not avoid this issue. ** this line feels kinda pompous now*** The more we talk about it, the closer we will remain. It's a fact of my life that is not going away. It won't change, I've been there, done that, and won't go back again.

Love,

-Dusty

****After rereading this I realized how bad I ramble on. I did my best cutting it down. I also realize how much crap I laid on my parents with this message ( there was more) . If it was a movie the title would be "Coming Out with a Vengence" I don't recall why I was so angry back then. It was as if I lumped my parents' views together with all of society. This wasn't the full message, I went into gay historical stuff as if they would have cared about it and into kinda gay political issues that again, they wouldn't have cared about.

Their reaction wasn't like that of PFLAG parents, and I sparred with them in emails for a few months but to this day they have and always will stand by me, no matter what. There's never been any question that they love me unconditionally. They had known for years but made it clear they really didn't want to talk about it. However a month after I sent this message my Dad co-signed for an apartment for me and my ex-boyfriend. Sure, I sometimes wish it was more in the open but have come to realize that I censor myself too often. Since I don't talk about it, they don't feel the need to bring it up either. I came out when I was 23, I'm now 33 and I can't say that I've ever referred to myself as gay around my family. Well, every once in a while I do around my brothers and once with my Aunt. But I do tell my parents when I start dating someone new. And I forewarn them when I plan to do a "meet the parents" dinner or gathering.

I've been out almost 10 years now and in many ways I'm still in the closet around my family. But in my own life, I'm more out than I ever thought I would be. I'm to that point now where people I meet already know and they push me to share more details about my life. They want to know everything, uncensored, and I love that. But that small town boy in me still hides sometimes. It's a constant internal struggle for an introvert like me. I hope it doesn't sound as if I blame my family for my own BS because I've been very lucky to have come out in a supportive environment. I guess my only beef here is that for some reason I can't push myself to be more open with my family and that I sometimes get the feeling that they are ok with not knowing me as well as my coworkers, bosses, and friends do.

Anyway, enough rambling for now,

-D

2006-11-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

I know I hardly ever blog. Oh well, I would say I've been busy but I'm not a liar. Well not tonight anyway. Anywayz, here are some pictures from a crazy halloween night. I was a butt pirate. Hardly original and not that far out of character really. In fact, the small-ish bar I went to had like 4 other pirates. So yeah, I didn't win any best costume prizes. I started out the night at my brother Brad, gf Shaya, and their friend Courtney's Halloween bash at Bier Stube in Moline. Here are a few pics from that.

Shaya (left) and Courtney.

Shaya, Brad, & Courtney

Two bikers chicks (Pat & Vicky) and a drag queen. Wait, no, that's a real woman. But drag queens would have been jealous of this headwear

Courtney (back left) and a bunch of people I don't know.

Chubs McGee and Biker Babe Vicky. I think she had a woody for me. Er, I mean.....oh u know what I mean....

From here I had to take an early exit from their party because I wanted to meet up with my friends and hit the homo bars. :-) So I went home and they hadn't left yet.

My friend Brian, being a scrooge as usual. Apparently he was supposed to be a straight man or frat boy or something..... Ugh...zzz...zzzz....zzzz...zzzzz

Eric, aka glitterboy, or Starman on this particular night. Not sure his title or the name of his costume seemed to change all night.

Yeah I did.........fyi, that's not the real thing, duh!

Eric, Moi, Dave, & Ed (the fluffer, on his knees where he belongs)

Dave, making the best face ever. Yes folks, he works in the finance industry. Comforting, isn't it?

Fuzz, aka Aaron grrrr.... :-) oh and Brian too.... I guess....

Jeff and Brian

Andrea, she'd probably kill me for posting this. She didn't wear a costume but she's excused unlike Brian. Her costume last year kicked ass. Here's a few pix of her from last year:

She's so skinny. I hate her!!! j/k.....

Russy the Hussy..... nice teeth

An exhausted (aka. drunk) Fluffer. This Bitch won 200 fucking dollars!!!!!!!! (best costume)

Who's more drunk? Mike wore some kind of FUBU jumpsuit. I think he was supposed to be black (er, African American for those PC folks) but I thought he kinda looked like Fabrizio Moretti, drummer from "The Strokes" (shown below)

Don't you agree?

Anyway, that was my halloween night. I came home, peeled out of that ridiculous costume, and had a KILLER hangover when I woke up the next afternoon.

The End,

-D

Actually, I called you an ASSHOLE!......

2006-08-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hey all, I know I never write anything any more. But thought I should provide an update of sorts. Bear with me, I am not a good storyteller. I tend to leave out important facts that connect the beginning with the end. Anyway....

Saturday night I had my 15 year high school reunion. I was dreading going because, as with most reunions, it's time to show off your acheivements, children, etc, or lack thereof. But I did go. I showed up an hour late. Which gave me about an hour before the band and drowned out most long covnersations. A good time was had by all. I actually saw people I'd wanted to see at my 10 year, but for some reason they hadn't shown back then. I was very happy to leave early and meet up with friends to hit the bars.

So I picked Natalie up and we stopped off at home for a drink. Then we ran off to the bars. Fast forward to about 20 minutes before closing, I'm standing with my back turned talking with friends and all of the sudden I'm startled by a deep voice yelling "MOVE!!" Not "excuse me", not a tap on the shoulder, not even that annoying push-through you'd see in crowded bars, (it wasn't) . Just "MOVE!" So I turned and saw some dude standing right over my shoulder, I get out of his way, and as he passed I called him an asshole, intentionally loud enough that he could hear. So he walks a few more steps to the end of the bar turns back at us and yells FUCK YOU!!. I shook my head in disgust, assumed he was a drunk fuck, and figured that was the end of it. So the bar closes and I'm outside talking to Jason. The dude comes up and Jason jokingly says to him something about "doesn't this dude look straight?" (referring to me).

He says "no, you're the guy that called me a prick"

"Actually I called you an asshole" I said.

Dude starts to get all puffed up as hetero boys tend to do. You know the typical dialogue; "you're a pussy, I'll kick your ass, etc" I said "I don't even know you, why're you messing with me?" I don't remember what he said after that as Jason told his friend to leave me alone, that I was "cool" (whatever that means). I was glad for that, considering I was out with about 8 people but there were none standing there. I kept my trap shut, but once Jason walked me aside, I kinda let him have it since the dude was his friend. I was just drunk enough to be stupid. I said if this is your friend "don't bring him back", basically I went on a tirade about how the dude was straight (so is Jason) and didn't belong in a gay bar unless he was looking for guys.

In hindsight, I don't give a shit who goes to the bar as long as they're not trying to start shit with me, my friends, or anyone else out to have a good time without being hassled. And for some reason the dude was out to hassle someone. If I wanted to put up with that bullshit I'd go to The District or Carriage Haus. In the 10 years I've been out, the only time I've seen fights at gay bars is between former lovers. I think, if you're a straight guy and you're comfortable enough in your masculinity/sexuality to go to a gay bar, then by all means, GO. But if you can't manage to check the macho tough guy bullshit at the door, then you have no business in a gay bar. Shit, I didn't even hit on him. LOL.. Fighting for no reason isn't a butch, masculine, hetero/gay or whatever trait, it's just plain stupid.

So we get to Augie's and there he was with Jason. I ignored the situation the best I could, but my ex cornered me about it and I went off at him too(sorry). He and Natalie confronted the guy and of course he said I started all of it. He probably would have kicked my ass, if I hadn't shut up. Considering I've only thrown one punch (in defense) and only been in like 2 fights in my entire life, experience was not in my favor. :-) But for the first time I kinda felt like I understood what Mike says about bullies. "You stand up for yourself and don't hold back, or you'll get walked on forever" I have no intentions of being a doormat.

Ok, enough of that, I didn't get my ass kicked, I'm not pissed at the dude and I likely won't remember shit the next time I see him. **old age is setting in**

Until next time, take care ya'll

-D

PS. I do want to add here that the guy never said a derrogatory word about gays, fags, homos, or whatever. But to me, thats what his actions were saying. I felt like he was acting that way, thinking no one would stand up to him because we're gay. Maybe that's my issue, maybe his attitude. I suppose we'll never know. I don't hate the straighties. (I promise)

The best way to annoy the neighbors........

2006-07-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

That's right I'm annoying the neighbors.

I could think of other things that would probably annoy the neighbors more than what I'm doing Like blasting gay porn at 3am. But that's not what I do. oh who am I kidding, yes I do. Anyway.... the point of this blog is I've made a couple videos. Wait, not porn videos you pervs. I mean I've made a couple videos of me playing my guitar. Two reasons, first I was that bored and second I wanted to hear for myself if I'm improving. Which I'm happy to report I am. Now you may not think so from these videos but keep in mind they are dark and grainy, I wasn't attempting to play a full song, and I wasn't really warmed up.(excuses, pouring in) I was just dinking around like I usually do. Turn up the volume and:

Watch the FIRST VIDEO, just some bluesy solo/riffing.

If you haven't sworn off hearing another guitar in your life. then ......

Watch the SECOND VIDEO , I attempted some song "parts" First it's the intro to Enter Sandman by Metallica, followed by some of my own riffy power cords. Then I have the intro & up to the solo (sorta) of Crazy Dream by Los Lonely Boys.

Tell me what ya think. I'm not a pro obviously and I've never taken any lessons. All self taught playing by ear and tabs. I won't admit how long I've actually been playing because I should be able to play much better than I do..

Sorry, I couldn't get the youtube.com code to actually embed on this blog page. Why don't they make the blog page just like the main profile page? God damn myspace! I actually wrote and lost this blog like 5 times. I finally got smart and used Wordpad to save the text. If anyone knows how to embed a Youtube.com player/code thingy on the blog page, give me a heads up. I've been able to post them in people's pages and my profile page but the blog page is different. I've seen them in other user's blogs but I'm assuming there's more to it than just copying the code.

Thanks for watching/listening.

-D

Go out and buy the new Los Lonely Boys CD "Sacred". It came out today. It's not as good as the first but still better than most music I get a chance to hear.

Wrapped up like a douche......huh????.

2006-07-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

See below, for one of my fan letters. I'm still puzzled what I did to the dude. Maybe I didn't approve his friend request. Seriously, am I supposed to approve every douchebag that sends me a friend request? I think I vaguely remember getting a message from him or viewing his profile. But I'm in his ignore bin now. I'm so crushed..

the devil wears prada

Date: Jul 17, 2006 10:53 PM
Subject: fuck u asshole ur going to my ignore bin
Body: fucking bitch whatever shallow asshole

I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song......

2006-06-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

Uh, I know it's a song lyric heading. Witness me, giving a shit whether you like it or not. Anyway... I haven't blogged in a coon's age. And no girls, that's not a racist reference as much as you would like it to be. So much time so little to cover...... huh??? Yeah not much to report, rant, or rave about on this end. I've been going out with co-workers the last couple Wednesdays and it's been a blast. Our office is so uptight and we've been working a lot of overtime so letting off some steam has been the number one goal.

Anyway, I did want to let ya'll know I sang karaoke tonight. I know, who hasn't, right? Well I haven't before tonight. The first one was with my friend Beth, and we sang of course, Beth by Kiss. All I knew was the chorus. :-) Then I sang Sugar We're goin down by Fall Out Boy. I probably sounded like shit because I'm soft spoken and that dude kinda wails. Anyway it was good time. I was out until 2 and have to be up at 7:30am. So that's about all I'm gonna write for now. I am feeling a creative urge though. So expect a flurry of blogs over the weekend. Hopefully.

Oh yeah! I also still haven't visited the Coffee Artist Cafe. I'm such a bad friend :-( Maybe I'll do lunch there on Friday if I don't trek to Iowa City.

Later hobos,

-D

Throw me that bag of doritos, dude!

2006-06-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

So I had my little family/reunion country weekend and hmmm, yeah everyone had to proceed in telling me that I'd put on weight or that I was "big" boy! Bitches! Does it cushion the blow to refer to a grown man in his 30's as boy when you're telling him he's a fat ass? But it did get my mind working FINALLY. and I realized........

OMG, I'm like a stoner without the high but definitely the munchies and lethargy. FUCK! All I've done for about the last year is eat like every meal was my last and exercise like Chris Farley sans that eightball. Seriously I think someone is gonna need to order a crane to get my ass off the couch or away from my desk. So like any self respecting fag would do when they realize such a problem exists, I'm planning a course for self improvement. Doesn't the thought of that statement make ya wanna puke? Well it does me because it's such self-help bullshit. The constant affirmation and pep talks ya have to give yourself to stay motivated. UGH..

I went to dinner a few nights ago with my friend Eric. He's finally recovering from being crazy and the world is breathing a sigh of relief. We started talking about careers and goals, etc.... because that's what he always fucking talks about. This bitch has 3 degrees now! Granted they are all for 3 very different types of careers but at least he's set goals and achieved them. He talked about wanting to get into shape and we talked about my fat ass and I discovered that I must have been depressed because I haven't kicked myself in the ass and haven't even really gave a shit about anything or anyone for a long time. I dunno it sounds better than I was just a lazy ass with a bad diet of junk food and huge meals. My apathy has reached new highs? lows? Whatever , I don't even care! j/k I do care which means I must finally be ending my depression. So apparently depression for me means total apathy and binge eating. I'm totally like one of those girls in "Mean Girls" that eats her feelings and I didn't even know. I couldn't tell ya for sure what I was depressed about; life, love, money? All three, who knows. But I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so jazzed that summer is here. I'm still forming a plan of action but I'll keep you informed how I'm progressing.

Ok, my 30 minutes of self realization is over. My next blog will be more entertaining or least better to look at. (that's right, I ended that sentence with a preposition) I'll tell ya'll about last weekend. Every last beautiful racist moment.

Yours truly,

-Fatty McFatty

PS. I'm not fishing for compliments, so shove them somewhere else.

It's all fake......but it's long.....

2006-05-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I know it's been along time with no blog. I haven't had anything all too exciting to write about,not true, Ijust haven't taken time out of my busy schedule of doing nothing to write about what I've been doing.

I met a guy last Tuesday that I've hung out with a few times. :-)His name is Scott, he came here to meet me from Ottawa, not Canada, butIllinois. It'sa little over an hour drive eastof here. We hit it off. On Tuesday we had dinner and just chilled, talked, gotto know each other. I helped him spruce up his myspace page. He's a big JanetJackson freak, one of his 2-3 obviously gay traits.:-) Then on Friday I drove over to his place and we went hiking around Starved Rock State Park.I hadn't been to Starved Rock since I was a kid, but it was mostly how I remembered. I've put together a photodisplay below for your visual entertainment. (cuz I'm gay like that) I tried to be even gayer and make it a photo carousel, butthe myspace bitches won't let me or I'm not smart enough to embed a flashplayer in here. So here are the pics from my daytrip

This is Scott, the fearless guide,

The path we started on

The Rock, Starved that is, Not the wrestler "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?!?!" ( God, I hate wrestling)

Illinois River with Lock & Dam, taken from Lover's Leap

About a 4 ft water fall near Wildcat Canyon

Another shot of Illinois River from the Wildcat Canyon observation deck.

Large waterfall in Wilcat Canyon

Probably one of the most breaktaking views you'll find in Illinois. We don't have many. Shot from the observation deck around Wildcat Canyon.

The story of why they call the place Starved Rock seemed to be a bit of a myth about Illinois Indians being chased by other tribes to the cliffs overlooking the Illinois River where they ended up starving to death. I'm not kidding, the signs even said they didn't know if the story was true, but they sure as hell sell it. So our running joke all day was that the place was totally fake. Unfortunately we had to cut the day short because he had to work that evening but not before we had a tasty lunch at Duffy's tavern in Utica which was also occupied with motorcycle enthusiasts. I'd call them bikers butone of them had a grandkid in tow and the others were even older. Besides, the scary creatures we once referred to as biker's, no longer exist. Maybe a longer day of hiking will be in store for us in the near future.

Here we areafter a day of hiking. Not pretty, but cozy.

Friday evening I came back to the QC and had a volleyball game. One of my teammates was drunk and annoyed the shit out of me. I guess that's what I get for playing volleyball with a bunch of straight people I don't know. We ended up losing 2 out of the 3 games we played. I don't really care so much about the loss, just don't like big ole sloppy trashy chicks that think that the band Ratt is the shit. (Are they even still a band?) Anyway, I worked 3 days last week, will work 3 days this week and 3 or possibly 2 days the following week. Gotta lovevacation andholidays.

I went clean shaven for Saturday night out with the "girls" It scared me to see the smooth skin so I'm quickly growing back something but not sure what yet. I partied pretty hard, even went to an after party where not one , but two of my ex's were in attendance. Don't worry, there was no hair pulling, cat clawing, or re-living past glory. We were all on our best behavior and thankfully kept our interaction at a minimum. There are parts of the night I don't really remember too well. After hours parties are generally a bad idea but I came out of it unscathed and everyone made it home safely.

This weekend I'm heading out of town to southern IL to visit my Grandparents and do the family/country thing. I'm sure I will probably blog multiple times per day ranting about this that, and the other.

Told ya this would be long,

-D

Love ya like a herpe.

2006-05-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

Alright, well I woke up on monday morning and discovered I had the HUGEST! cold sore known to man on my bottom lip. I've been battling this damn thing all week hoping it would be gone by the time the weekend rolled around. Well no such luck. But I have been unfortunate enough to be blessed with a second one on my upper lip just above it. Apparently it's like a Bob Ross painting, it needed a happy little friend. So I'm not in the best of moods. When you can feel your own heart beating in your lips it tends to dampen your spirits. I haven't even kissed anyone in months. FUCK!!

Now, for a total change of topic. ( I mean it)

I've read my ex's blog recently and found a turn toward a lighter mood. I'm glad I haven't been the only one has been remembering good times. I just find it odd how we (everyone) become so mean and vindicitive toward people we once loved so much. No, I'm not talking about him, ok I am, but I'm also talking about me. I was sitting at work on Monday nursing my herpe, and sorta working (or whatever), when memories of happy times with him just popped into my head. It was all triggered because my coworkers and I had ordered Chinese food. I picked up my fortune cookie and without thinking I said aloud, "here's your fortune." This was something my ex always used to say when we had Chinese every Sunday. When he'd crack the cookie it wouldn't be his own fortune, it would be mine. Just a cute tidbit that I remembered. Which of course set off a chain reaction of other sweet quirks I started remembering. Like the way he would never dry off his lower back out of the shower. One time I came up behind him, and in a voice sweet enough to make bitter shitheads wanna vomit I said, "wet-back." Not even realizing what I was saying to my Mexican-Irish boyfriend, until he turned around with a hurt look on his face. LOL! oops. And I remember the funny inside jokes we always had. And how we used to call each other baby. Yeah, it made most people around us sick but we didn't care.

I remember more moments like these because it helps me get over being angry at him for stuff that really doesn't matter any more. Anger at this point is a useless emotion and only serves to poison myself.

We no longer speak. It sucks sometimes, but I understand why it's necessary for both of us.

Break-ups are a bitch,

-D