Lesson 3: Reclaiming your masculinity.

Since we're covering the topic of hair (see previous blog here), I had to type up another lesson on reclaiming masculinity. And I think it will be another photo blog.

This lesson covers the topic of BODY hair. Ok boys I'll just say this once, STOP MOWING THE LAWN!. Ok maybe I'll say it again a little later. But I'm gonna ramble on about it for a bit first.

I had to do a bit of research (yes, I'm that bored) about what started this trend of body hair removal, because, let's face it, body hair removal is an often unpleasant and painful experience (as I'm sure most women will attest) So why did we start doing it? According to The Advocate it started in the 80's and 90's as a way to defy societal perception of gay men's health during the AIDS pandemic. Along with body hair removal was working out and tanning. Those are a separate lessons completely that I'll cover at another time.

Ok, so if you were built, tan, and hairless, you were healthy. We all know that's not true. I can sort of understand the working out and even tanning as far as a "healthy" appearance. But why does this include hair removal? This could have something to do with body builders such as the governor of California. All body builders shave pretty much everything and have even long before the 80's. Hair covers muscle definition. If you're hairless you can see the definition and striation of muscle. OK, but I still don't understand how this translated to guys that had never set foot in a gym. Was it because porn stars were hairless? Most likely. Or maybe it was Calvin Klein's fault. I don't know.

Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter how the trend started but it's 20 years later and I HOPE we're finally starting to reverse this trend. Men are hairy, it's natural. Shoot, even women are hairy. Now I'm not one of those guys that just gets off on hair. It is possible to have too much of a good thing. But I've seen relatively hairless guys remove EVERYTHING. Yes I do mean everything. From my hairy friend Tomek who went to the extreme of having his entire body hair except down there and around back removed by laser. (and you thought shaving burned) to my ex who was part Hispanic and naturally smooth. He would clip his entire body down to a stubble and would then use Nair on the nether regions. He claimed it was to remove body odor which I will address again in another lesson as well.

I know I've rambled on quite enough about this now. So I think it's time to get to those pictures. This time they are not me. (thank god) I looked for a comparison of one guy with and without chest hair and unfortunately couldn't find good pics of just one. So we're have to compare two guys. Which one appears more masculine? This one:





or this one:



To me it's clear but maybe not to everyone. I guess to me nothing says masculinity like a guy with a hairy chest. Agree, disagree? Eh, whatever.

The important thing to remember is keep the manscaping to a minimum. If you have hair that looks good show it off or at least don't be afraid to keep it. Because a lot of people like it :-) Some guys, even if they're wrong (me), equate body hair with masculinity. And if you're still not convinced then do it because straight guys are now trimming and shaving like there's no tomorrow.

You wouldn't want to be a straight guy, would you? I didn't think so,

As I promised, I'll say it again....

STOP MOWING THE LAWN!

-D

The question is......

I am in need of a haircut soon. But, apparently I cannot make a decision for myself on this. I need help. So anyone who reads this vote now by comment, and the most # of votes is what I'll do. Poll closes Thursday 5-4-06 so I can get it cut by next week, either way.

I appreciate it,

-D

THE QUESTION IS.......

To buzz......



Or not buzz.....







And while we're at it I also have another poll.



to Beard.....





to goatee.....





or to form a hybrid of the two.....





Going clean shaven......



IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!!!



Ok vote now.

And no, this wasn't an excuse to be shamelessly post seven pictures of myself. But I did anyway.

Your swift attention to this grooming dilemma is greatly appreciated.



Jesus.... I need to get laid!

Comment bitches!

-D

Tres

Name 3 schools you went to:
1. Western Illinois University
2. Black Hawk College
3. St Ambrose University

Name 3 things in your purse/wallet:
1. Drivers License
2. Credit Cards
3. Movie Theatre Gift certificate

Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:
1. Play guitar
2. Listen to Music
3. Clean

Name 3 favorite places to shop at:
1. Bed, Bath & Beyond
2. Target
3. Borders

Name 3 places you go to on a daily basis:
1. Work
2. Work
3. Work

Name 3 favorite fruits:
1. Pineapple
2. Oranges
3. Tomatoes, yes, they are fruit.

Three of your everyday foods:
1. Eggs
2. Mt Dew
3. Cheese

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. T-Shirt
2. Shorts
3. Stink

Three places you want to go on a vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. San Francisco
3. Italy

Who are 3 people you see the most?
1. Ed
2. Eric
3. Diet Pop Star ( well I see her blogs everyday)

What kind of drunk are you?

What type of drunk are you?

My Results:

Flirt Drunk



When you get drunk you become uninhibited sexually and are always looking for ways to get laid. Flirting is much easier for you, and for some reason, alcohol makes you more charming.

See what type of drunk are you, take the test now!

Stormy Weather

Yeah here's a shot of the April 13th storm out of my apartment window. All the really destructive stuff missed the Quads. Just some light rain. Which made taking lightning pics easier. Iowa City had a tornado, somebody died. But I'm sure you already knew that





I spent today doing absolutely nothing productive. And I didn't even have internet service all day. Just goes to show I can't blame the internet for my lack of productivity. Just have to blame myself. :-) But I am on a mission to ride my bike at some point this weekend, slowly inching my way into being more fit. Baby steps.

So this weekend should be fun. Except for tonight. Nothing going on tonight. Tomorrow I have a party to go to with a bunch of coworkers. I never party with my coworkers so it should be an experience. Then Easter Sunday I guess I'm hanging with my roommate and his parents , sipping margaritas and playing some games and of course having Easter dinner.



Happy Easter everyone!

-D

A moment of introspection.

Anyway uh, my ex has written his own diatribe about "no more" which is a step forward for him. Despite once again writing in a derivative fashion. (Be original!) I'm glad he's pulling himself together and moving on. What we had going was not healthy for either one of us. He's made it his mission to forget me and apparently wants me to do the same. But I'm not exactly in a forgetful kind of space. I think forgetting the people you date and the things that happen in your relationships will make you repeat yourself over and over. If we don't pay attention to our own history are we bound to repeat it? Absolutely.

I've noticed a similar pattern in the men I've dated seriously. In my own way I loved all three but there was definitely a cycle of intensity that each relationship went through and a time came when things were winding down and sometimes crashing down. I, of course, have been the one each time to call things out and say , "you know what? this isn't working!" Each time I acted in reaction to them. Whether it was because of constant bickering and fighting, or a lack of involvement on their part..... Now don't get me wrong I'm no angel, I'm just as much to blame for what brought about the endings as they were. But the breaking up part always seems to be initiated by me while they live in denial.

I've had 3 somewhat messy breakups and each of the guys has expressed different forms of love and hatred for me at the same time. Am I the only person who's in this type of pattern? And how in the fuck do I break out of it?!!!

I have a need for control. In my relationships I've always felt I had an emotional control over the guys to some degree. Maybe that makes me cold and distant perhaps. But I'm all about self preservation. No matter what happens I will be in control of my own emotions. But there's a backlash to this suffocating emotional control I attempt to perpetuate. Sometimes I bottle up so much that I don't allow myself to feel angry, to feel betrayed, and to be decisive. Does every breakup consist of one person who holds it together and another that's a fucking mess? Is there ever such thing as a "mutual" breakup? Not that I haven't mourned the end of my relationships. I truly have. But it's one thing to grieve yet quite another to obsess over it and lose your shit. I've never been on the other side of the fence. I've felt rejection and heartache but I've seen some extreme behaviors from my exs. Such out of character behavior from my exs I've witnessed, endured, and struggled to cope with include desperate cries for attention including hospitalization, fist fights, stalking, and balls-out lying and manipulation to get me back. Is this normal? I can't figure out why, or what I do that brings about such a shift in behavior.

In the beginning, each came to me and expressed interest in me. Maybe I need to do the approaching next time around. There's a certain safety net automatically in place when you start dating someone that has approached you first. You usually don't have to second guess their motivation. The problem I run into is self-DOUBT. I start to doubt my feelings for continuing the relationship. I once doomed a relationship with my thinking that "it isn't going to last" It's a very cynical way to love. And ultimately assisted with my decision to end it.

I've always felt that I was a forgiving person. Too forgiving sometimes. When I'm in love with a guy, he could do just about anything and I would find a way to forgive him. Sometimes that's worked out fine and other times I've held onto resentment despite professing forgiveness. And I've also prematurely forgiven myself for things I've done. Sometimes we deserve to feel guilty. And if we feel no guilt or remorse then what lesson have we learned?

I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out the lessons of my most recent break up. I don't regret my decision to call it off. But in looking forward to the next relatinoship I'm trying to figure out a way to be less forgiving, more honest, and more decisive.

Thanks for reading, this is enough thinking for me for one late monday/early tuesday.

Peace, love and crisco.....

-D

The shot heard around the world

Um yeah, I had a long blog typed up about Kurt Cobain blah blah blah. He died and the world mourned. And the music industry quickly went back to the same crap it had always been.

I started playing guitar because of Nirvana. Fairly simple stuff to play compared with Metallica, and Stevie Ray Vaughn that I still attempt to play. I've played since 1992, Fourteen years and rarely finish a single song. Not that I can't, I just don't. Nirvana was the shit and Kurt said things that I felt. Whether it was how bad the music industry was or how he hated misogynysts and bully jocks. I was a jock back then but always felt like an outsider despite being very popular and able to fit with any clique from bandgeeks to jocks and cheerleaders and occasionally even the burnouts. i was basically looking for somewhere to fit in, like an asshole. Kurt wasn't shy to talk about gay issues to the mainstream and gay press. He even admitted to thinking he was gay for a while and sometimes would wear a dress and his frail body. Maybe he was just another drug addicted mentally handicapped rockstar that cracked under the pressures of fame. But no one can take away the legacy of his music and the lasting effect he had on me. Their music just summed up every thought and feeling I had back in those days. My closet days. I was a closeted angry fag. I was angry that I was gay, that I was different. I'd always wanted so desperately to be like everyone else. Thankfully that has changed to a degree.... I came out of the closet and, well, that was about all.

Back in those days I'd spend hours reading over bound versions of old Advocate Magazines from as far back as like 1988. Soaking in as much about gay and lesbian culture and history as I could and still remain in the closet. The stuff I read back then would make me so angry. Whether it was gay bashing or the government dragging its feet on AIDS research, to overall intolerance. It seemed so easy to me to get along with people and appreciate them for who they were. But I wasn't being myself at the same time. This really has nothing to do with Kurt Cobain, but Nevermind was like the soundtrack for my life back then so I get a bit nostalgic.

So anyway, um yeah, it sucked that he killed himself. It would have been at least interesting if not great to see what direction his music or Art would have went in. Would he have faded away or still burned out and OD'ed like Layne Staley? Would he have turned into the Butthole Surfers? Would he have lost his ass and filed for Bankruptcy and ended up homeless like in his teen years? We'll never know.

Thanks Kurt for making the soundtrack of my 20's

Peace, love, and empathy

-D