Cleaning House

I am editing my friends list in an attempt to keep in touch with people I actually know (or want to know), The guidelines are listed below.

Keep

1. My top 24
2. Anyone I've actually met in person, whether I like them or not
3. People in close proximity (state must border IL)
4. Those who have commented my pics, page, or blog recently
5. Those who have chatted with me on gay.com or yahoo messenger
6. Comedians, musicians, bands and various entertainers that I enjoy
7. Random hotties that add me outta nowhere. (I'm weak)
8. People that are not close but are too damn interesting to let go
9. My blog subscribers
10. People I added and remember why I did
11. Fans (haha)
12. People who send me a message when they add me. "hello" never killed anyone


Toss

1. Porn chicks
2. Porn dudes (if I want porn I'm not looking at myspace)
3. Ad Bots
4. Bands that have added me. (if I like your music, I'll add you)
5. Any user trying to sell shit
6. Random ppl that add me but then never contact me or comment my page
7. Annoying Bulletin Posters (totally subjective)
8. Excessive Bulletin Posters (ditto)
9. Comments posted by hacked pages (fuck macy's AND Emily & her email address)
10. People that piss me off for no good reason
11. People who insult or degrade me, unless I asked them to. :-)
12. Friend requests from unknown people with private pages

I wanted to post this as a bulletin but myspace was being a whiny little bitch and wouldn't present the page. Thanks for listening and sorry for a stupid non-blog.

Later,

-D

35 Questions......pseudo interesting stuff.

Yeah it's a survey. Blah Blah Blah.

1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?
I like to make my guy laugh, but there are some things where I'd draw the line.

2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?
Hmm, usually on with a bf. Off with the randoms.

3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?
Haha, sometimes. But their music has nothing to do with how they'll interact with me. So I guess the answer is no.

4. If you could 'take back' your virginity from your first partner, would you?
No. I'm glad it finally started. I'd waited long enough :-)

5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with
an ex for financial reasons?
No.

6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past?
Nope, not really.

7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?
This question made me want to fall asleep.

8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
A purpose sure, a calling sometimes.

9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher level"?
Dream interpretation can be fun. But ultimately I don't believe they mean a damn thing.

10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?---
Why can't I have it all in one? A great lover I could share everything with. I'm greedy like that.

11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?
male, duh

12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished?
No, everyone does it. They should only be punished if they talk about it at family dinner. haha.

13. Do you like kissing in public?
yeah I do, but it's not exactly safe in every area.

14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?
For me to know and them to find out.

15. Did America really put a man on the moon?
Duh, yes.

16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?
I would, but they'd have to really be something.

17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
Music makes me happy and laughing with my friends and family.

18. How well do you handle criticism?
sometimes I get defensive but usually try to accept constructive criticism.

19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?
a little purer, sure. a lot purer would just be annoying.

20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?
Sure do.

21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?
Absolutely

22. You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and they've been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call?
If they're incredible, the next day. If you're unsure or would like to know more them then maybe a couple of days. If any longer than that it gives the impression you're not interested. And I am guilty of doing that too.

23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?
The ultimate punishment would not bring back their lost family member. So my answer would be no.

24. Would you have a 'Happy Button' installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?
Like the staples easy button? Hell no. There's a word for people like that. They're called junkies.

25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?
I like to be surprised and know everything. like I said, I'm greedy.

26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?
What's in past is past unless it involved me directly. I judge everything. And people who don't or say they don't will fall for anything.

27. What is sexiest about another person?
Each person is different. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes intelligence, sometimes personality. In that order too :-)

28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?
A dream job. I don't believe in soul mates. There are many people throughout our lives we click with. And again, why not both?

29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?
Yes open minded about most things, except anything involving waste matter or unsafe. I have to draw the line for my own health.

30. Should your mate also become your best friend?
I think they have to eventually. Because once the passion cools there has to be that personal connection and common interests. So yes, they have to be a friend but not necessarily the BEST friend.

31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?
Experienced. I'd never marry or really want to date a virgin. I've gone too far to turn back now. HAHA.

32. ran away...
wtf??? I never have.

33. Have you ever posed as a nude model?
nude yes, model no. haha

34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?
Good things

35. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Loved and lost.. It's not easy.. And it takes ALOT of time.. but for sure.

Is it asking too much????

I would go to a therapist but I don't care enough.

So a long time ago, I'll say around a year or yr & 1/2 ago, I chatted with this guy online. Actually, he started the conversation and I went with it. We seemed to hit it off with some very mild flirtation but mostly just a decent chat about non sexual topics. He happened to be laid up with a broken leg or foot or something. Anyway, he said once he recovered we should get together sometime. Funny how that can mean so many things but for once I took it as, get together for drink/bite to eat and get to know each other. Not that "hey, leave the door open and turn off the lights" kind of meeting. So, I never did meet the guy, because he wasn't online again and we didn't exchange numbers. Then a couple months ago he sends me an IM outta the blue. Said he was going to be moving to Davenport in 6 weeks or so and to keep an eye out for him online, so we could meet once he was settled in. I was cool with that despite not connecting the first time around. So we made sure to add each other email addresses, and yahoo IM's. I chatted with him a few more times over the new 6 weeks and then eventually again once he was moved into Davenport.

We chatted that day just as we had before, I wanted to meet him but didn't want to be pushy. If you know me I'm nowhere near pushy, but still I didn't want to come off that way. So during our conversation I mentioned getting together later or whenever to do a meet and greet. He asked to meet me before. I made clear it wouldn't serious or hardcore. Just a drink, coffee, ice cream or whatever. He was very receptive to the idea but said he was still doing a lot of unpacking and, depending how much he got done, he might have the time to meet. So, I went about my day and about 5 hours later jumped online and sent him a message, because he was online. There was no response. So I figure he must have stepped away, no big deal. I sent him an add request on myspace and said I'd catch him later. But now I've seen him online over the course of several weeks, and any time I've attempted to make conversation (not every time I've seen him online) he just doesn't respond. Not even like, "hey man I'm not actually interested in meeting you." Or even a lame excuse would suffice. But no response pisses me off.

Is it too much to ask or expect a little bit of common courtesy in these situations? I know I have no problems turning down guys because I feel that's more honest than leading them to believe I'm interested. I'm not having pity party. There are always guys interested from one direction or another. Now I can't say I've never opened the door to someone then later changed my mind. But to those I'm not intrested in from the beginning, I always politely say that I'm not interested. A lot of guys have even thanked me for being honest about it. Occasionally it leads to a new chat buddy or a friend that I'll chat up at the bars. It just doesn't feel like I get that kind of honesty in return. Maybe I am interested in immature guys?? Maybe I'm that guy that just can't take a hint??? or maybe they believe I'll question them as to why they're not interested in me. (I so wouldn't bother nor do I really care) I really don't know.

I know blogs are great sounding boards for how much men suck, or women suck, or gay men/lesbians suck etc. But that's so not me to rant on about an entire group of people based on actions of a few. Anyway, you'd probably be surprised how many times this has happened. Like a month ago I sent a guy a message this hook up site. And he didn't even open my message, just deleted it instead. After so many times it starts to eat away at my confidence.

I am not a very aggressive chaser when it comes to dating. My choices tend to be very "low risk." (of rejection) I will usually go after guys that have expressed some inkling of interest in me or it's written all over their face that they're into types that look like me.This is one of my least favorite things about my personality. This cycle probably explains why my relationships tend to drag out into a series of dramatic episodes or one long epic. With me and him holding on for too long. It probably comes back to me just being lazy about dating too. Like everything else in my life. ugh! I'm tired.



If you got this far,



Thanks for listening,



-D

Train Keeps A Rollin' Choo! Choo!

I knows it's been almost 4 months since I last blogged. My bad........ I have no excuse, except to say that I'm totally fucking lazy.

Anyway

I'm still doing the 365 days of self portraits thing. But, unlike my midsection, my ideas for images have gotten even more thin than the last posting. These pics were taken, one a day, 3/22/07 to 4/27/07. To find out more about what was happening on the day of each picture or what may have been on my mind that day, check out the caption for that individual image on my flickr page

Compliments, insults, and your comments about favorites or least favorite images are welcomed and encouraged here or on flickr.com. Sorry about the size of the mosaic below. I tried four times to shrink it, but decided I didn't give a fuck anymore.

Thank you for your support, bitches!

-D

The Next Thirty-Six

I'm still doing the 365 days of self portraits thing. But, as you may be able to tell, I'm running out of new ideas. And I still haven't done a damn thing to actually lose some weight. Ah well, there's always tomorrow, right? These pics were taken, one a day, 2/15/07 to 3/21/07. To find out more about what was happening on the day of each pic, check out my flickr page

It's Me, and me again, & again, & again, ok one more time

I'm experimenting with cloning now. Not actual cloning because I'm not sure that's ethical and I'm not a scientist anyway. I mean cloning images into one scene. Unfortunately I am not exactly feeling very creative lately. I've been lagging behind in taking a pictures for the 365 days project I blogged about last time. Right now I'm about 5 days behind. There are some crazy clone pics on flickr. If you're interest just run a search there for "cloning" I've only attempted it a few times.

Here's a few I've tried.

My first time. hehe. I haven't said that in a long time! :-)


a little better on the second try but a few of the images turned out very blurry



3rd time's a charm. I can't wait for summer so I can try some of this stuff outside. :-)


I'm gonna do some of these for friends soon. I'll post them here when I do :-) If you have ideas what can be in a scene, send me a message. On flickr I've seen murder scenes, arguments, just hanging out with yourself. The murder scenes are truly creepy, very Hitchcock-like. Check them out if you get a chance.

That's all for now.

-D

Gotta Get Myself Into It

Just touching base here. I'm lucky if I blog once a month. I literally have nothing to say this time around. I haven't done anything remotely athletic or healthy but I have been taking pictures every day or pretty close to it. Below are the first 36 days of the 365days project I'm doing. I'm at that point where I sometimes think I've run out of ideas. I don't want any of these to look the same. A few do though because I'm mostly taking pics in my house or car. DAMN COLD WEATHER!!!!!

No more rambling,

-D

PS, if you want to check out the larger versions of any pics below, just check out my Flickr page

Turn & Face the Strange

Hi! Hey! Hello! What's happening?

I haven't blogged in what feels like a decade. To be honest, there isn't much to say. Not true, a lot has happened. My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, friend, partner, companion-like person, Mike, moved to Colorado on Dec 15th. I miss him a lot, but exchange texts with him pretty much daily. We had a bit of a resurrection, resurgence, restoration, of our relationship around the end of August which continued until he moved. He doesn't go into great detail about our relationship in his blogs and I won't either. But we both decided that his moving would be good for both of us. We're still a bit uncertain what our future might bring, if anything.

I've been organizing my life and making baby steps toward getting into shape and dropping some pounds for a number of reasons. Not only have I just felt very run down but I'm headed down an unhealthy path. Hmm that might sound kind of ominous. What I mean is, healthwise, I don't wanna be 300 pounds and run into all of the medical problems associated with it. And I'm just not physically comfortable with all the extra weight anymore. My Grandma recently discovered she has Type II Diabetes which also runs thick in my Mom's side of the family. Now I won't say that losing weight or getting in shape isn't at least a little about my own vanity. It's very hard to find decent clothes in a bigger size than where I am right now and when I'm in shape I'm more outgoing and feel more confident in myself. So I have physical discomfort (fatigue easy), a family history of diabetes, a clothing dilemma, and want to be a more lively person than I am right now. Sounds like it's time to make some changes.

Lately extra time indoors, and not seeing Mike a few times a week, has created idle hands. So I've been taking a lot of photos & trying to be as creative as possible. I'm a homebody so the pics are not earth shattering work. Most pics are of me or stuff laying around my place. I joined a group on Flickr, called 365 days. The idea is you're supposed to take a self portrait every day for a year. I themed mine "365 Days to a Healthier Me." We'll see how I progress through both the daily photos and with the health and fitness routine I've drawn up. Each photo is tagged with my weight, diet and exercise for that day.

I thought some of you might find my process for creating portraits interesting. So, I've posted a before and after shot below to see how I take a rough image and turn it into a unique finished potrait. Combining the images into one made the finished one (on the right) a bit blurrier than I prefer, but you get the general idea.

I use a photo editing program called PhotoImpression. It's similar to Photoshop but a cheaper/less advanced version. Camera-wise I have a Nikon Coolpix 3200. I have a big technology wishlist. I would LOVE to get a new PC, mine is going on 6 years old and locks up quite frequently. I'm not even sure what to look for, but I know I want a widescreen flat panel monitor and something with enough RAM to run Photoshop, which my current PC doesn't have. I also want to get a more advanced camera. I have my eyes on a Nikon D50. Digital SLR. It's the number 1 or 2 camera on Flickr right now. My current camera is only 3 megapixels and it shows. Outdoors shots and anything more of a wide shot gets very grainy.

Now I feel like a big geek, but I don't really care. Just thought it'd be nice to share what I have been doing with all of you.

Take care and I hope everyone had a good new year.

-D