It's swell with two people.

Ok, so I haven't ranted yet how tough it is being single and gay in this shit town. For once in my life getting laid isn't a problem but I'm over it already. That didn't take long. I've been single since June and have probably turned down or short changed a few guys that expressed interest almost instantly after my break up because I wasn't wanting to be tied down again so soon. So that period ( I said period) didn't last long. So now I'm in that lonely phase that always happens after a break up. I hang with friends as much as I can but it's in the QC and I'm pretty much broke barely paying the bills that area always piling up. Does this sound like a country song yet? No my dog isn't dead and I have no words of inspiration or whatever. So today I was chatting and agreed to meet this guy at Starbucks. He was sort of a pushy type wanted to meet or me to call him. These types annoy the hell out of me, but I'm desperate enough to take a chance that I might actually like him. First impressions aren't everything. Apparently he was astounded that I could carry on a conversation beyond "how big is it?" So just had to meet me. Anywayz. I'll post a blog on how it goes.

You do it to yourself, ya do, you and no one else.....

Um, yeah guess what I just did! :-)

-D

He had a lot to say, he had a lot of nothing to say............

Ok, so today was kind of fun. Well as fun as hell can be. I worked 10 hours, came home made myself some Chicken Curry with Coconut milk which is one of my favorite meals and drank hot tea. Yup I'm coming down with a cold or something. I've been running a fever all day and have been coughing and congested since I woke up this morning. Anyway I finally made major progress on the children's paintings I've needed to finish for the last 2 weeks. All I have left to do is some touch up and highlighting and I'll be done. Nothing major. It's kinda excited to be painting again. I'm far from a good painter but it's a fun hobby and a good creative outlet. And assuming the buyer likes them these 4 paintings will be the first art I've ever sold. $10/ painting, I know it's cheap but hell I'm new at this. So far I've spent like 12 hours actually working on the paintings. So it doesn't even pay minimum wage. I can see where they get the whole starving artist expression from now. But I can't complain I'm overdrawn about $40 until I get paid next monday so this $40 will get gas in my car and some groceries to last me until then. Whoever said art was good for nothing? Oh yeah, that was my parents. At least haven't had to borrow money from them. YET

..........We'll miss him, we're gonna miss him. Tool Rocks!!!!

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I read a blog of a new myspace friend of mine tonight and discovered he'd written a blog about losing his partner 9 months ago, killed by a drunk driver. I was a weeping mess at my computer about this man that I don't even know losing the love of his life. And it reminded me of my own loss of a loved one in a similar situation.

Three years ago this Thursday I lost my cousin Jared in a car accident. He was only 20 years old. It devastated my family but has brought us so much closer than we already were. But I'll never forget the tremendous pressure in my chest I felt that morning I was told and the next week. I freak now when I get early morning or middle of the night phone calls. Praying before I answer the phone never to hear news like that again. So many lessons learned through that ordeal. Jared was driving under the influence on that fateful night. I would continue writing but am a bit overcome by my memories of his life and the shock of his death.

Please don't let your friends or family drive drunk. And let the people in your life know that you love them every chance you get.

My name's Sinead I like pain, I'm a les............

Ok, so I'm not a lesbian and I'm a pus**y when it comes to pain as most men are really. Ok so the first night of my Thrusday night volleyball league I went up to block and came down on the foot of another player and rolled my ankle over. OUCH. I couldn't feel my ankle for about 5 minutes as it proceeded to swell up the size of a softball. It's now the size of a baseball and Prince only wishes his skin was this color. Yes I did have it X-rayed and it's not broken but definitely sprained. Luckily I sit on my ass for work so I won't have to worry about that. I've been sitting all weekend with my leg in the air, ordinarily a position I wouldn't mind but under the circumstances. hehe.

I'll likely miss a good month of volleyball which is one of the few things I look forward to in the winter.

Oh well, the weekend wasn't a total loss.

I'm a creep.

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here.

Wow, who hasn't felt like that at some point in their lives? No this isn't an exercise in self loathing. Am actually just in a self examination mode. Since I went through a break up in June I've been creepin a bit. A string of one night stands has led me back to the same point I was in 2002. Not really caring about my next boyfriend or looking for him. Only caring about the next experience. Now before you start getting all Judge Judy on me, hear me out. Sure I like sex, who doesn't right? But I've always had the sense to step back and realize when I have a potential boyfriend or something more than sex. In one of my encounters this summer I did feel something a bit different than normal but never had the chance to explore it further. Due to my own dumb fault I bailed and didn't call him for a while only to now run into him constantly. Yes I am kicking myself in the ass pretty much daily for making the mistake. And I've tried to regain his attention but am now being more cautious than I ever normally would. Ok this sounds conceited but I've always hooked up and dated guys that have approached me. I've never really pursued someone with vigor. He who hesitates is lost right? Yup. I must be slow on the uptake because I'm just now , at 32, discovering that I'll never get what I want if I don't go after it. In love, in career, etc. omg I have so many cliches running through my head. Carpe Diem, Get busy living or get busy dying, He who hesitates is lost, early bird gets the worm. Etc . I need to go to bed and shut my brain off for a while.

my space ugh!

I juut spent an hour typing up 2 blogs one on work life the other on my love life and I basically lost both of the postings. I'm not typing all of that again. It's 2:41AM time for bed :-(