I'm a creep.

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here.

Wow, who hasn't felt like that at some point in their lives? No this isn't an exercise in self loathing. Am actually just in a self examination mode. Since I went through a break up in June I've been creepin a bit. A string of one night stands has led me back to the same point I was in 2002. Not really caring about my next boyfriend or looking for him. Only caring about the next experience. Now before you start getting all Judge Judy on me, hear me out. Sure I like sex, who doesn't right? But I've always had the sense to step back and realize when I have a potential boyfriend or something more than sex. In one of my encounters this summer I did feel something a bit different than normal but never had the chance to explore it further. Due to my own dumb fault I bailed and didn't call him for a while only to now run into him constantly. Yes I am kicking myself in the ass pretty much daily for making the mistake. And I've tried to regain his attention but am now being more cautious than I ever normally would. Ok this sounds conceited but I've always hooked up and dated guys that have approached me. I've never really pursued someone with vigor. He who hesitates is lost right? Yup. I must be slow on the uptake because I'm just now , at 32, discovering that I'll never get what I want if I don't go after it. In love, in career, etc. omg I have so many cliches running through my head. Carpe Diem, Get busy living or get busy dying, He who hesitates is lost, early bird gets the worm. Etc . I need to go to bed and shut my brain off for a while.