The shot heard around the world

Um yeah, I had a long blog typed up about Kurt Cobain blah blah blah. He died and the world mourned. And the music industry quickly went back to the same crap it had always been.

I started playing guitar because of Nirvana. Fairly simple stuff to play compared with Metallica, and Stevie Ray Vaughn that I still attempt to play. I've played since 1992, Fourteen years and rarely finish a single song. Not that I can't, I just don't. Nirvana was the shit and Kurt said things that I felt. Whether it was how bad the music industry was or how he hated misogynysts and bully jocks. I was a jock back then but always felt like an outsider despite being very popular and able to fit with any clique from bandgeeks to jocks and cheerleaders and occasionally even the burnouts. i was basically looking for somewhere to fit in, like an asshole. Kurt wasn't shy to talk about gay issues to the mainstream and gay press. He even admitted to thinking he was gay for a while and sometimes would wear a dress and his frail body. Maybe he was just another drug addicted mentally handicapped rockstar that cracked under the pressures of fame. But no one can take away the legacy of his music and the lasting effect he had on me. Their music just summed up every thought and feeling I had back in those days. My closet days. I was a closeted angry fag. I was angry that I was gay, that I was different. I'd always wanted so desperately to be like everyone else. Thankfully that has changed to a degree.... I came out of the closet and, well, that was about all.

Back in those days I'd spend hours reading over bound versions of old Advocate Magazines from as far back as like 1988. Soaking in as much about gay and lesbian culture and history as I could and still remain in the closet. The stuff I read back then would make me so angry. Whether it was gay bashing or the government dragging its feet on AIDS research, to overall intolerance. It seemed so easy to me to get along with people and appreciate them for who they were. But I wasn't being myself at the same time. This really has nothing to do with Kurt Cobain, but Nevermind was like the soundtrack for my life back then so I get a bit nostalgic.

So anyway, um yeah, it sucked that he killed himself. It would have been at least interesting if not great to see what direction his music or Art would have went in. Would he have faded away or still burned out and OD'ed like Layne Staley? Would he have turned into the Butthole Surfers? Would he have lost his ass and filed for Bankruptcy and ended up homeless like in his teen years? We'll never know.

Thanks Kurt for making the soundtrack of my 20's

Peace, love, and empathy

-D